Stargate Universe

I've been casting a jaundiced eye over the newest installment of the Stargate legacy: Stargate Universe.

Well, it's not bad. The principle of the series is this:

An off-world base has a uniquely situated star gate. The core of the planet is radioactive (aren't they all?) and this might allow them to dial a new nine-symbol address.

Nine symbols?

Yeah, try to keep up.

So, the place gets attacked by the Lucian Alliance, the über-upgraded human ships (remember the end of Stargate SG-1?) are suddenly weak and pathetic again and the planet blows up. Our new heroes make their escape through the star gate, using the nine-symbol address.

And there's another flaw. Sure, we have the reasoning that the explosion of the planet could have propogated through the open wormhole and, as such, Earth was out. But are there no other stargates? One on an uninhabited planet, mayhap?

Anyway, through they go and find themselves on a ship. An Ancient ship. An Ancient ship many, many, many, many, many (done yet?), many lightyears from home.

Oh, and the ship's buggered. Not a whole heck of a lot is working. But the Ancients were smart.

Apparently, the point was to send the ship out, unmanned. Flying away before it are a number of other unmanned ships programmed to seek out certain planets and drop star gates on them. Thus, when the time was right the Ancients would use the nine-symbols to transport themselves into a new area of the universe with an already completed network of star gates. If anything went wrong, the ship would seek out the nearest star gate on a world that had what was needed and go there. Of course, the Ancients ascended before they got around to using it.

And that, more or less, is the premise of the show. The ship's on automatic, on its last legs, and it's going to be stopping off close to important places where our heroes can go get stuff.

Because, like, the Ancients had never heard of the concepts of 'spares' or 'backups'.

There are flaws in the premise, it's true, but I'm willing to suspend my disbelief there. What I'm not willing to suspend is my hatred for shakycam. I'm convinced that they hired the same guy to make this new series as they did the remake of Battlestar Galactica. Either that or they just stole his ideas, that whole shaky camera work, stupid zooms and everything else that goes with that 'mockumentary' style of cinematography.

Still, I'm going to watch it. I just won't like it as much as if they had kept the style of the previous two series.

The Wedding Of The Century

Officiant: "We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Warhammer 40,00 and Stargate: SG-1. For them, this marriage is both a pledge of enduring love, and an expression of their commitment to each other grounded in law. For the rest of us, this marriage is an occasion where we are reminded of the bonds to our own families and friendships and how important and wonderful these bonds are to us.

"Marriage is dedication. You give yourself, your life, and love into the hands of the one you love. You do so trustingly and generously. By the same token, each of you receives a gift--the life and love of the other. You receive this gift not only from the one you love, but also from the parents who brought you into the world and reared you and from the personal world of friends and family who are joined in friendship and faith in your marriage.

"Mark Twain once said that "a marriage makes two fractional lives a whole. It gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it. It gives to two questioning natures a reason for living. It brings a new gladness to the sunshine, and a new fragrance to the flowers, and new beauty to the earth, a new mystery to life."

"It is appropriate that you, the family, are here to participate in this wedding. The ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect, which these two bring to their marriage have roots in the love, friendship, and guidance with which you have provided them.

Officiant - "You may now exchange your vows."

Warhammer 40,000: "I, Warhammer 40,000, take you Stargate: SG-1, to be my TV show, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. With my earnest and complete devotion, I give you my love."

Stargate: SG-1: "I, Stargate: SG-1, take you Warhammer 40,000, to be my table-top war game, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. With my earnest and complete devotion, I give you my love."

Officiant: "Do you, Warhammer 40,000, take Stargate: SG-1 who you have promised to love and cherish to be your lawfully wedded TV show?"

Warhammer 40,000: "I do."

Officiant: "Do you, Stargate: SG-1, take Warhammer 40,000 who you have promised to love and cherish to be your lawfully wedded table-top war game?"

Stargate: SG-1: "I do."

Officiant: "Traditionally, the marking of the passage to the status of table-top war game and TV show is marked by the exchange of rings. These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end. Love freely given has no giver and no receiver, for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today."

Warhammer 40,000: "This ring, a gift for you, symbolizes my desire that you be my TV show from this day forward."

Stargate: SG-1: "This ring, a gift for you, symbolizes my wish that you be my table-top war game from this day forward."

Officiant: "And now, may the confidence, trust, and affection you have for each other on this day sustain you as you go forth upon your journey of life together with its joy, its laughter, its sorrow, and its pain. May you fulfill your personal goals with each other's help and guidance. May you dwell together in peace, love, and joy."

"Warhammer 40,000 and Stargate: SG-1, having witnessed your vows for marriage with all who are assembled here with you, I announce with great joy that you are from this time on, table-top war game and TV show."

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Warhammer 40,000-Stargate: SG-1."

*sniff* ... damn ... I swore I wouldn't cry ...

Yes, that's right. 28mm Stargate: SG-1 figures. The Jaffa are excellent if you have a Chaos army and want something a little different as troops, but the SG-1 team are perfect for Imperial Guard and would make a cool-looking Command HQ.

Now, if only there were someone who liked both Warhammer 40,00 and Stargate: SG-1, and who collected Imperial Guard, and who had a birthday coming up soon, and whose wife reads his blog.

Phoenix Icons homepage.

HEALTH AND SAFETY IN THE BLOGPLACE WARNING:

Please mind the hint that was carelessly dropped and negligently left laying on the floor.

With sincerest apologies to Muriel at AP, from whom I blatantly ripped off the incredible Atheist wedding ceremony.

Save SG-1

As I reported last year, the SciFi channel has taken the unbelievable move of canceling Stargate: SG-1, and they're not backing down yet.

Well, you can join the fight to save this beloved show.

Find out how at Supporting Stargate.

SG:1 on YouTube

Skimming recently, I discovered this hilarious gem:

SG-1 R.I.P

I was halfway through writing a review of the milestone 200th episode of Stargate SG-1, entitled, appropriately, "200", when I discovered some news.

Disturbing news.

SG-1 has been cancelled. The Sci-Fi Channel will not be buying any more episodes.

Gateworld, long viewed as the authority on everything under Cheyenne Mountain, confirms the news that, whilst Stargate: Atlantis has been renewed for another season, its older brother has not.

Still, when SG-1 first took off, it was being shown on Showtime and, after five years, they dropped it and Sci-Fi picked it up. This may not be the end of all things SG-1.

MGM owns the rights to SG-1, so there's rumours of a new direction - mini-series, TV movie, or another film - going on.

Still, it's got to feel bad for Ben Browder and Claudia Black who, with Farscape, now have the kiss of death on two shows.

This sounds like one of the worst decisions since Showtime decided to give up - er - SG-1.

Of course, with Dean Devlin getting a deal with MGM to produce the two Stargate sequels he wanted to do in the first place, which will ignore the SG-1 series completely, and carry on as if the last ten years never happened, it's almost enough to make a conspiracy theorist go "hmmm.."

I may apply for citizenship after all..

Impact Guns are taking pre-orders for civilian-legal versions of the FN P-90, the gun featured in Stargate Sg:1.

The legal versions will come with a longer barrel, apparently so that the weapon, both in terms of overall length and in terms of barrel length, will be designated a rifle rather than a machine gun*.

Also restricted will be the armour-piercing rounds that were specifically designed for the P-90, but civilians will be able to buy standard 5.7mm ball rounds, easily enough for home defence or target shredding.

They just won't penetrate a Jaffa's armour.

Oh, well, I guess I'll have to settle for an airsoft version until I can buy one...

*It should be noted that, with appropriate documentation and processing by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the short-barrel version can also be yours.

Oh, fer cryin' out loud...

Okay. I was bored and yesterday I posted the South Park character generator. What?!

Stargate: SG1 meets South Park. Super-sweet!