Cincinnati 12-20 Cleveland

That makes the Bengals 0-4.

I called Paul Brown stadium this morning to ask what time the game started.

They said "What time can you get here?"

Bengals 13-34 Patriots

Well, it was bad enough watching the Bengals get beaten. It was worse that it was the fuckin' Patriots.

But even worse was the chronic masturbation that was going on in the commentator's booth.

These guys were jerking themselves off just as hard as they could.

I am sick and tired of hearing about how the Patriot's cheating doesn't tarnish the team or its victories.

Hey, guess what? They cheated. If that doesn't tarnish a team, I'd like to see what does.

I'm sick and tired of hearing these commentators wanking off about how the players support their coach.

Yeah, so they players stand behind their coach when he's caught cheating? What does that say about them? That they approve. It's that simple. They approve of cheating. This wasn't a mistake, it wasn't an error, it wasn't a lapse in judgment, the coach knowingly and deliberately - despite that ridiculous "misunderstanding of the rules" excuse - set out to cheat and the players are okay with that.

I'm sick and tired of hearing that the filming "didn't provide any competitive advantage" because it was "for later use".

Yeah, and how naive do you have to be to believe this was the first time they'd done it just because it was the first time they'd been caught?

And how naive do you have to be to believe that they've stopped? Oh, they may not be filming any more, but I'd bet even money that all that that means is they've stopped filming. I'd bet they've probably still got someone watching through binoculars and making notes or something.

I'm sick and tired of hearing that this is all a storm in a teacup because Bill Belichick and the Patriots were just doing what it takes to be competitive.

I don't care if being an NFL coach is a tough and competitive job. I don't care if coaches are under pressure to use every available means to win. I don't care. I don't care. Play the fucking game or don't bother showing up.

I'm not hating. The Patriots are a great team, very talented. Tom Brady may be the single best Quarterback playing at the moment. It's certainly an argument that can be made. But like the Argentinians of the eighties, the fact that they are so talented just makes the cheating all the harder to swallow.

I'm a believer in the philosophy that it's better to lose a game playing fair than it is to win cheating. Maybe I'm too old fashioned that way. Maye I'm too British that way. Maybe there's so much money in the game that the rulebook is slowly becoming irrelevant. Maybe it's okay to cheat. Maybe it's only a matter of time before Belichick positions a sniper on the roof of the stadium to take out opposing receivers.

After all, he's only doing what it takes to win.

But, tonight, I'm most sick and tired of hearing about how wonderful the Patriots are because they're beating a Bengals team that is at less than half strength, decimated by injury.

Yeah, what a triumph.

1-3.

Bengals 27-20 Ravens

What a rollercoaster this was. Yep, the NFL's back, and the opener at Paul Brown Stadium was a heart-in-mouth sweatfest. Right down to the wire, thanks to some dodgy foul calls granting the Ravens nine attempts to get into the end zone from spitting distance ending in one beautiful interception.

Fantastic.

On to other news:

Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett suffered a fractured spine in yesterday's game with the Denver Broncos. Today's news is not a good. Everett suffered a fracture dislocation between the third and fourth cervical vertebrae and, according to team orthopedist Dr Andrew Cappuchino, "the third cervical vertebra had translocated completely over the front of the fourth cervical vertebra causing a scissoring effect on the spinal cord."

Everett underwent surgery to relieve the pressure, where the two vertebrae in question were fused together. The injury could still potentially prove lethal, and more will be known in the next three days.

Here's hoping he pulls through.

And, just to finish off.

It will come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog that I intensely dislike the New England Patriots. They're loud-mouthed, big-headed, and they cheat. A lot.

And now they've been caught.

Hoo-bloody-ray.

Broncos 24-23 Paul Brown High School Chess Club

Apparently, the Bengals didn't bother turning up today, either. No offense to Denver, who are, I'm sure, an absolutely splendid team in their own right, but this was a game that Cincinnati threw away. Too many turnovers, too many dropped passes, too many missed chances, and that annoying cock-up of an extra point in the final seconds that would have - should have - tied the game.

Merry 8-7-0 Christmas.

Now we've got to beat struggling but always tough Pittsburgh at home and get some specific help from a few other teams to make the playoffs.

Colts 34-16 Paul Brown High School Chess Club

The Bengals didn't play today. I'm not sure who was out there playing in their uniforms, but they clearly had no idea how to play the game.

Some words that might have helped the Bengals tonight:

Catch (as in: "..the ball")
Sack (as in: "..that tall guy in blue with the 18 on his chest")
Protect (as in: "..the guy in the same uniform as you with the 9 on his chest")
Don't (as in: "..drop the ball, Carson" or "..let Marvin Harrison run around unmarked" or "..give Payton Manning three and a half hours to decide where he's going to throw the ball")
Do (as in: "..score")

Still, at least the Colts cheerleaders looked especially nice in their tiny blue Christmas outfits. They now rank 2nd behind the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in the Doombreed Scale Of Sexiest Cheerleader Outfits.

Scant compensation for the loss. Pun intended.

8-6-0

P.s. At least nobody spent $35,000 tonight.

Bengals 27-10 Raiders

The Bengals remain hotter than hot, giving the Raiders - admittedly not the NFL's toughest opponents right now - a nice little beating.

8-5-0

P.s. Sympathies to any Cowboys fans out there (including Mrs Doombreed). This game against the Saints is not at all going your way.

Bengals 13-7 Ravens

Thanks to our cable company and the NFL Network I missed yesterday's game between the Bengals and the Ravens, which the Bengals won.

Great result, though.

7-5-0

Bengals 30-0 Browns

The Bengals held the Browns scoreless - the first time they've done that to any team since 1989 - and beat them for a record 5th time.

A little geography for the uninitiated: Both Cincinnati and Cleveland are in the state of Ohio, so the Browns and the Bengals are huge rivals.

Anyway, cool match.

The Colts resumed their winning ways, slapping the Eagles about for a quite splendid 45-21 victory, and the hated Patriots cheated their way to a 17-13 victory over the Bears.

The Cowboys slipped firmly into first place in the NFC East when the NY GIants simply imploded against the Titans.

Bengals 31-16 Saints

Okay, that's a little better.

Quite an outstanding game, although, I would say that.

5-5-0

Another quite oustanding game was the undefeated Colts visiting the struggling Cowboys, and being handed their first defeat this season.

Tony Romo is shaping up to be a quarterback to watch.

Bengals 41-49 Chargers

Okay, now I'm pissed off. Up twenty-one points to nothing at the end of the first quarter. Up twenty-eight points to seven at the half. And then the Bengals went all England.

The Bengals couldn't stop a four year-old from running and couldn't catch a frikkin' bus.

That's a three-game losing streak.

4-5-0

And Baltimore won, so the Bengals are now three games behind in their division.

At least the Colts keep on keeping on, winning to go 9-0.

Bengals 20-26 Ravens

Well that's just really annoying. Another game lost to the guys in the black and white striped shirts. Apparently, pass interference calls only count when they are against the Bengals, not in favour of them.

This season in the NFL has seen some incredibly bad refereeing. Every game I've seen has had at least one major - and in most cases game-changing - bad call, or a lack of call when one should have been made.

In today's Cowboys-Redskins game, a "minor facemask*1" call was awarded a 15 yard penalty - reserved for "major facemask*2" - which put the Redskins in range of a game-winning field-goal.

And, whilst typing this, I'm watching the Broncos-Steelers game which has been littered with calls so bad that it's almost like watching a parody of refereeing.

And what's with the ridiculous "false start*3" penalty? Both teams line up and then, for no apparent reason, the flags fly and the offense gets marched backwards 5 yards because someone breathed out at the wrong time.

What's really annoying is when some defensive player goes tear-arsing over the line of scrimmage whilst everyone else is still waiting - but the penalty goes against the offense because the defensive player uses the skillful tactic of pointing randomly, but emphatically, at an opposing player.

Ah well. Steelers lost, too.

We still have the Colts and, after the debacle that was the Bears-Dolphins game today, there's only one undefeated team in the NFL.

I really hope that the Colts destroy the Patriots*4.

[later]

The game is about to start and everyone is predicting the Patriots. No real surprise there.

[later again]

The first half is winding down and a great example of the bad refereeing has shown up. The Patriots did not get that first down, and even if they had, there is no way that the ref could have seen it from where he was standing and, even if he could have seen it, he should have spotted the ball and measured it instead of moving the chains.

And then, to add insult to injury, the same guy gets to review his own call! Of course he's not going to overturn it!

This is a great example of a game-changing call. As it stood, the Colts intercepted and ended the half 3 points up. However, it could just have easily ended up with a touchdown and 4 points down.

If the call had been made correctly, Manning and the Colts take over at the 47 yard line with 1.00 left and a timeout. Now, Manning's going to score off of that, even if it's only a field goal. Colts at the half by at least 6, probably 10.

Bad refereeing, bad calls, changing games.

[end of game]

Despite the refs' best efforts, Manning and the Colts remain undefeated, Brady and the Patriots get beaten two years running, but still everyone is going to wobble on about how Brady is the better quarterback.

And the Bengals sink to 4-4-0

*1: In case you were wondering: grabbing the facemask is against the rules. A "minor facemask" call means that the player grabbed his opponent's facemast momentarily before letting go.

*2: A "major facemask", on the other hand, means grabbing the opponent's facemask and not letting go.

*3: A "false start" is when a member of the offense jumps before the ball is snapped. However, the slightest movement is often interpreted as jumping off, and thus it's often near impossible to tell, even with slow motion replay, exactly who false started and exact;y what it was that he allegedly did.

*4: I really hate those Patriots.

Bengals 27-29 Falcons

Awww crap.

4-3-0

Time for bed.

Much kudos to the Cowboys, though, and to Tony Romo. Good game.

Bengals 17-14 Panthers

Welcome win after two losses and a bye week.

Recap.

Bengals 13-14 Buccaneers

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This morning they were an 0-4 team. Then the officiating team helped them become a 1-4 team at the expense of the Bengals.

Apparently, one is not allowed to "rough" the quarterback when one is sacking him.

Coach Lewis said it best, "I guess you've got to cuddle him to the ground."

Wankers.

3-2-0

2006 Bengals Medallion Collection

For most of the last month, our local newspaper has been running a promo where you can collect a commemorative set of Cincinnati Bengals medallions, featuring members of the 2006 squad and of course, the man himself, Coach Marvin Lewis.

Today we got our hands on the last medallion to complete the collection, pictured above.

A thing of beauty.

Bengals 13 - 38 Patriots

The Bengals fell today to the New England fuckin' Patriots.

My biggest problem with the Patriots - apart from the fact that they just handed the Bengals a defeat - is that they are one of those teams that, shall we say, plays on the edge of the rules. Watching the Patriots play is almost like watching Argentina play.

What pisses me off is that unlike, say, the Eagles, who are known as another of those "slightly less than sportsmanlike" teams, the Patriots are lauded for their style instead of lambasted.

Still, they're not that good. What really hurt the Bengals was piss-poor defence combined with piss-poor offence.

Early on, the Bengals had the Patriots mostly contained, and then it fell apart. Early on, the Bengals were doing very well, and then it fell apart. The Bengals were playing the way they used to when the NFL knew them as "The Bungles".

Shoddy performance, made worse by the commentators' gushing.

Bye week next week, and then it's on to Tampa for the Buccaneers.

3-1-0

Bengals 28-20 Steelers

Well, that was sweet. Interceptions, fumbles, sacks, stupidity and a victory. Palmer and the Bengals taking revenge on the Steelers that knocked them out of the playoffs last time. Nice.

Roethlisberger, the Steelers' QB, was still looking a little uncomfortable, which may have something to do with the recent motorcycle crash and emergency appendectomy.

Houshmandzadeh, the Bengal who rivals Roethlisberger in both the hard-to-pronounce and longest surname categories, caught two excellent passes, and so did the more commentator-friendly Chris Henry.

A thoroughly enjoyable game, marred slightly by the fact that the commentators were apparently getting paid on a "per Palmer vs Van Oelhoffen reference" basis.

3-0-0.

Bengals: update

Tonight's Monday Night Football game (which saw the Jacksonville Jaguars hand a hard-fought 9-0 defeat to the Steelers) carried the announcement that Bengals' Linebacker David Pollack, injured in yesterday's game, has a broken neck.

NFL.com reports it as "a neck injury" which, they say, ends his season, though he's expected back next season.

Bengals.com goes into more detail. Pollack, apparently, suffered a fracture to his C-6 vertebra (the sixth cervical vertebra, near the base of the neck) but that, luckily, there appears to be no damage to the spinal cord.

Speedy recovery, dude.

Bengals 34-17 Browns

This was a hard game. Not the score, though. The Bengals dominated throughout, and the Browns never really looked like they were in it. What was hard was that it seemed that the Browns had decided that, if they couldn't win, they'd take as many Bengals down with them as possible.

Rich Braham, Dexter Jackson and David Pollack went out from injuries. In the final quarter, Chad Johnson was hit so hard (and, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't deliberate helmet-to-helmet tackling a penalty?) that his helmet flew off and he was left with a gash on his chin that soaked the collar of his shirt with blood, and required stitches. Several other players received injuries of the "cuts, scrapes and bruises" variety.

Still, a win's a win.

Next, we have the Steelers. Current Superbowl Champions, and the team that knocked the Bengals out of the playoffs last year.

But, 'till then..

2-0-0

Bengals 23-10 Chiefs

The Bengals won their season opener against the Chiefs 23-10, in a stunning game marred by the injury to Kansas City's QB Trent Green, left unconscious on the field after what may or may not have been a brutal hit by Cincinnati DE Robert Geathers.

Green is reported to have suffered "pretty severe head trauma".

I'm sure all NFL fans wish him a speedy recovery and a swift return to the game.

1-0-0.