And.. I've come..

Oh, This Is Nice

I

WANT

THIS

CAR!

An extreme blast from the past

Thanks to Bing, who sent me this video via my facebook page.



The show is real. I grew up watching Rainbow, and all characters and puppets are real and acting in character, however, this episode never aired.

Rumour has it that this was filmed as a joke for a Christmas party, and the tape was released much later. This hasn't stopped many people who tout this as a genuine, aired episode.

Whatever, it's hilarious.

Cheers Bing.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Third in the series. You know the drill. If you didn't like the first two, why would you go see the third?

Okay, The Bourne Ultimatum. Third movie about the rogue assassin Jason Bourne, based upon The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum. I stress that The Bourne Ultimatum isn't based upon the book of the same name (and neither was The Bourne Supremacy based upon the second book in the series), because the first movie departed so radically from the book's storyline that the second and third installments just wouldn't have made sense as written.

I loved the books. The books are incredible. The films, though different in many ways, are almost as good.

There is, as with the first two, one flaw. Shakicam. It's like the opposite of Steadicam. It's where many scenes are shot from a shaking camera, as though filmed by an amateur using a hand-held whilst sitting on a massage chair. I guess there's supposed to be some aspect of this that lends gritty realism to the movie that I am simply too unsophisticated to grasp, in my ignorance of the director's art, but it annoys the hell out of me. If I wanted to see the action wobbling all over the place I'd consume a bottle of fine Scotch before watching, and have a much more pleasurable experience for it.

Seriously, it's not big and it's not clever. Hold the bloody camera steady.

The movie itself is excellent. The storyline is gripping, the action is thrilling, and Matt Damon as Jason Bourne is as violently endearing as ever. The movie is a fitting continuation of the Bourne narrative.

Oh. Continuation? Yeah, there's a fourth and fifth book - The Bourne Legacy and The Bourne Betrayal - so it's even money that there may be one more film at least. I haven't read, nor do I have plans to read, these new books because they are not written by Ludlum, but by Eric Van Lustbader, and such projects are, in my experience, invariably disappointing.

This movie is, though, worth your time.

Doombreed Rating: * * * *

The Simpsons Movie

The ever delectable Mrs Doombreed and I went to see The Simpsons Movie today, and it was good.

I'll start with the standard disclaimer:

If you've seen The Simpsons on telly and didn't like it, don't go to see this movie.

It is the same as an episode of the series, only more so. Homer is Homer, Marge is Marge, Bart is Bart, Lisa is Lisa, and Maggie is Maggie. Get the picture?

The Simpsons Movie is hilarious, from the opening 20th Century Fox fanfare (performed by Ralph Wiggum) to the various jokes peppered through the closing credits. There may never be a funnier Spider-Man reference than Spider-Pig. Tom Hanks may never get to do anything else that's even 1% as funny as his cameo in this movie. You may never look at the EPA the same way again. Almost every side-character in the series pops up here somewhere, doing something, usually something very funny.

Marge says a bad word. It's a word that will be more shocking to American audiences than to, say, English audiences, but it's a bad word nonetheless.

We loved it.

Doombreed Rating: * * * * * 1/2

1408

Mike Enslin (John Cusack) is a writer who specialises in haunted stuff. He travels around the country visiting haunted houses, mansions, graveyards, hotels and the like, then publishes books on them, usually with less-than-complimentary opinions on the sites.

After receiving a card telling him not to go to room 1408 in the Dolphin hotel in New York he, of course, does so. He expects to be greeted with the same rubbish he's experienced time and time again, the same pitch-to-the-tourists buildup, the same anticlimactic stay in the room.

See, Enslin is an atheist and does not believe in ghosts. And right there is my single complaint about the movie. It's yet another "prove the atheist wrong" piece of modern entertainment.

Anyway, Enslin is surprised when the Dolphin's manager, Gerald Olin (Samuel L. Jackson), tells him that room 1408 genuinely has a bloody and horrific history and that, in fact, the room is no longer open for guests. Enslin can't stay there. Enslin insists. Olin capitulates. And thus begins a night of terror and horror.

Okay, there are a few genuinely scary moments in this film, and a lot of jump moments. There is almost none of the gore that we expect in modern horror, just a little blood, but plenty of fright, some very clever directing, some above-par acting and some great special effects.

A very intelligent movie that is a great break from the lakes of blood that horror movies rely on these days.

Doombreed Rating: * * * * 1/2

The Birthday Boy

Mrs Doombreed has been treating me like a prince all day, and I've had a whale of a time. We had the most amazing dinner, followed by a very tasty cake, and earlier, we went and saw Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer.

The cinema had a life-size plastic replica of the Silver Surfer in the lobby. Brilliant.

Fantastic 4 - Rise Of The Silver Surfer

Standard sequel opening - this is, obviously, the sequel to The Fantastic 4 and, as such is more of the same, just a little different. If you liked the first, this has half a chance. If you didn't like the first, you won't like this one either.

Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and Susan Storm (Jessica Alba) are getting married in the middle of a media circus, mostly caused by Johnny Storm (Chris Evans), who just loves being the centre of attention. A strange glowing comet-like object is whizzing around Earth creating havoc wherever it goes.

You already know what the comet-like thing is - it's the Silver Surfer, probably Marvel's only totally nekkid character.

Richards discovers that wherever the Surfer goes, the planet dies eight days later. If you've read the corresponding comic books, you'll know why.

Okay. Not bad. Lawrence Fishburn does well as the voice of the Silver Surfer, and things are pretty as you'd expect. Stan Lee makes his best cameo to date.

Spoiler; Highlight To Read:

Doom's back. No, not me. Victor Von Doom comes back in this film. Fans will enjoy this. Galactus also does not appear, just some cloud-like special effects.

Oh, and stay for the credits. There's an after-scene.

If you've watched the movie and missed it, highlight for details:

The Silver Surfer survived his battle with Galactus and, at the end of the movie, is seen floating unconscious in space with his board slowly working its way towards him. Galactus isn't dead either.

Overall, a good movie.

Doombreed Rating: * * * * 1/2

Pirates Of The Caribbean - At World's End

Okay, so Pirates Of the Caribbean 3, huh? What can one expect?

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, more of the same. This is the third "-3" movie we've seen recently - Spider-Man 3, and Shrek 3 (which, for some reason, I didn't review) were the previous two - and I'll say the same thing. If you liked the first two, you'll like the third. If you didn't like the first two, why are you even going?

The plot is strange. Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) have to join forces with Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) to save Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and The Black Pearl from beyond the ends of the Earth and convene a meeting of the nine great pirate captains, whilst avoiding the attentions of the despicable Norrington (Jack Davenport) and the East India Trading Co, who, because they have the heart of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), now control The Flying Dutchman. Turner is more interested in rescuing his father, and seems willing to sacrifice anything to do so.

Jack - the monkey - is still very funny.

Add in some pretty cool fight scenes, some interesting plot twists, some random humour, some great one-liners, and Keira Knightley looking hotter than a supernova, and you've got a pleasant afternoon's entertainment.

The movie is long - twelve minutes shy of three hours - but you barely notice it.

And stay for the credits, there's an extra scene afterwards. It's not much, but it's there.

Doombreed Rating: * * * * 1/2

Spider-Man 3

Spider-Man 3 is, in many respects, a fitting addition to the series. It's a reasonably cracking yarn, with the kind of jaw-dropping special effects that are starting to become mundane through overuse.

Spider-Man has some problems. First that never-ending (and frankly it's getting a little old) drama with MJ gets out of hand because he shares "their" kiss with Random Ditzy Blond Whom He Saves And Who Turns Out To Be Daughter Of Someone Important In The City. She also gets fired, and Parker is too caught up in all his celebrity to notice.

Add to all that the fact that the webslinger has just been attacked by an alien symbiont which has become an entirely black black version of his normal costume, and which is causing the darker side of human nature to emerge, and the scene is set for the bad guys.

Spidey goes up against not one, not two, but three super-villains this time. There's the Sandman, who can become - er - sand. There's Venom, created when an annoying git picks up the symbiont suit Spidey finally gets rid of. And there's Green Goblin Jr, still pissed at the wallcrawler for killing his father.

Spidey must battle everyone as well as himself. Again.

Just as with most sequels, this is more of the same. If you liked the first two, you'll like this one. If you didn't like the first two, why bother going?

If there is a problem with this film it's that a storyline that ran almost forever in the comics has to be condensed down into two hours and twenty minutes. In the comics, the progression from performance-enhancing symbiont to life-threatening parasite took months. Here, we have to accept that it takes minutes.

Doombreed Rating: * * * *

Next

Next is something of a puzzler. Cris Johnson (Nicholas Cage) was born with the ability to see into the future. It's only by two minutes, and he can only see things that are going to directly effect him, but he can do it, and he's using it to eke a meager living as a stage magician in Las Vegas, and also a quite handsome living cheating at blackjack. We meet Cris as he's obsessing over the one time he was able to see further, which was a vision of a mystery woman who turns out to be smokin' hot Liz (Jessica Biel), months before they meet.

Enter Special Agent Callie Fields (Julianne Moore) who wants his help finding a nuke that the Ruskies lost. Now, quite what the FBI think they are going to do with two minutes warning that a nuke is about to go off is anyone's guess, but she wants him to help. What follows is a fairly straightforward story about one of the most difficult concepts to grasp. Seeing the future and then changing it. If you changed it, won't you now have then seen the new changed future that is actually happening, as opposed to the future that you changed which was going to be happening?

Cue some interesting effects, some funny Groundhog Day style "trial and error" scenes, a scene which is totally unnecessary for those members of the audience not in possession of a penis (Biel, fresh from the shower, clad only in a towel), and some seriously cool scenes where we get an inkling of exactly how useful it would be to be able to see even a little way into the future.

All in all, this film is not great. I've seen the whole "future sight" thing handled much more expertly. But this film is good entertainment, fuel for discussions for the technically minded, and fun filled eye candy.

Not too shabby.

Doombreed Rating: * * * *

Vacancy

Vacancy is a run-of-the-mill movie, with nothing much to get excited about. The storyline's laughably simple. Married - but Soon To Be Divorced™ - couple Amy (Kate Beckinsale) and David (Luke Wilson) are on their way home from a "keeping up appearances" visit to Amy's parents, when David decides to take A Shortcut™, and their car experiences A Mechanical Problem™, forcing them to spend the night at A Remote Motel™ run by A Creepy Bloke™. The motel is Not What It Seems™, and the creepy manager, aided and abetted by two Locals™ is actually murdering people in their rooms, whilst filming it.

Yes, that's right. This movie should have been called "Slasher Flick Clichés By The Tonne."

We even get a visit from A Large Number Of Rats™, The Sporadically Working Flashlight™, The Recently Deceased Offspring™, and Fat Sheriff Who Is Going To Die After Giving Our Hero And Heroine A Brief Period Of Hope™.

If you're a fan of Kate Beckinsale, go see it. She's as hot as ever. But on almost all other points, this movie falls flat.

Quite why it rated an "R17" is beyond me. Maybe it's the brief shot of a murdered woman's breasts that did it, as Americans are very prudish about these things. Certainly there's not enough graphic violence, blood nor gore to justify it, especially considering that Canada only rated it 13+.

Humdrum stuff. Not going to make anyone's top 10 list. Not terrible, just not great.

Doombreed Rating: * 1/2

ATHFCMFFT

Mrs Doombreed and I Went to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters last Sunday and I cannot believe I forgot to write a review.

For those wondering whether to go, forget it. If, upon hearing that there was going to be a ATHF movie, you didn't immediately decide then and there that you would cut off at least one limb if it meant you could see it, you won't like it.

ATHFCMFFT is an hour and thirty minute-long episode of ATHF. It contains the exact same effects, same animation, same humour, same Carl..

It is, in short, number one in the hood, G.

And it is good. It is good.

For those who have reviewed it and pronounced it somehow lacking, I must ask:

Have you seen the show? Even one episode?

It's about a giant floating carton of french fries that can shoot lightning from his eyes, a giant milkshake and a large blob of ground beef.

Plot subtleties and character development will not feature highly in this movie. Silly jokes will.

Doombreed Rating: * * * * *

There Is Nothing I can Add To This...

Cast of "Spamalot" hoping to break "world's largest coconut orchestra" record.

There is a world beyond awestruck. I am there.

Catching Up

For one reason or another, I haven't blogged for a few days, so we'll call this a catchup post and hope nobody notices (or cares).

Adam Finley over at TV Squad linked to my entry about the ATHFCMFFT shown on [adult swim] the other night. Over two hundred people clicked through and visited. This means that I'd had more visitors by the 3rd than I average in most months, so everyone can take the next few weeks off. Also linking was Seth at Mostly Muppet Dot Com, so cheers, guys.

For more on ATHFCMFFT, check out KingColon.com, the official site for the movie. It not only has the trailers, but also the aptly named "worst game ever", and the opportunity to send a personalised message from one of the ATHF characters to your friends (HINT: Pick Carl, and type in a hobby rather than picking one from the list. It's hilarious.). Best of all is the music video, which has Meatwad performing The Planet's Best Guitar Solo Ever In The History Of Everything, Ever, I'm Not Kidding, Seriously, Trust Me On This.

And, finally, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters comes out on the 13th.

Go.

See.

It.

P.s. You can preorder the soundtrack album, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters Colon The Soundtrack (ATHFCMFFTCTS) at Amazon right now. Or just click the "soundtrack" link on KingColon.com and listen to a bangin' sample.

ATHFCMFFT World Premiere

ATHFCMFFT (Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters - the acronym might be a jibe at the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie which is, everywhere, simply being listed as TMNT) is Adult Swim's first full length movie. So why would they show it on TV two weeks before it was due for release in theaters?

The commercials said it was because they are "****ing insane". The date for this premiere? 1st April 2007.

Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Hah. April Fool.

Nope.

ATHFCMFFT did show last night. In its entirety.

It's just that there was no soundtrack and the screen, on my telly, was about an inch wide, and it was down in the bottom left corner whilst Adult Swim's usual programming went on as normal.

****king funny, I call it.

If you don't know about Aqua Teen Hunger Force, suffice it to say that it is one of the funniest shows ever made. Find it, watch it, enjoy is, go see ATHFCMFFT when it comes out. Such genius deserves rewarding.

Zodiac

Zodiac is about a serial killer that most people outside of the US would only have heard of because of one of the Dirty Harry movies.

Zodiac was active in California in the late sixties and early seventies. He took delight in sending notes and encrypted messages to the press and, most unusual for a serial killer, was never caught.

I don't know how accurate the movie is, seeing as it is based around some speculation, but it is very much worth watching.

Jake Gyllenhaal plays Robert Graysmith, a cartoonist at a San Francisco newspaper. The movie is less about the actual Zodiac murders and more about Graysmith's obsession with them. In real life, Graysmith authored what is considered to be the definitive book on the Zodiac murders and, many believe, has correctly identified the killer.

The movie is deep without being unwieldy, fast paced without being mindless, gripping without being cliche, true-to-life without being kitchy.

I loved it. 3 hours went by and I only noticed when I stood up to leave and almost couldn't walk.

Doombreed rating: * * * * 1/2

Ghost Rider

There were two people inside my head when I was watching this movie.

The first was prepared to pretend that he'd never read any of the GR comics, and he thoroughly enjoyed this movie.

The second was going to judge the movie against the comics, and he was utterly nonplussed.

As a stand-alone movie, Ghost Rider is great. Absorbing storyline, good characters, excellent special effects.

Against the comics? Not so much.

The first guy thinks this may be one of Nicholas Cage's best movies, and probably the best out of the recent spate of comic conversions.

The second guy wonders why Cage dyed his hair black to play a blonde-haired character.

Guy number 1 loved the whole deal-with-the-devil origin of Ghost Rider.

Guy number 2 kept waiting for Zarathos to put in an appearance, and wondering when Mephisto was promoted to Satan.

Guy A loved the effects.

Guy B was pissed that Ghost Rider was rumbling around on Vengeance's bike.

Both guys agreed that Eva Mendez was hot.

Look: If you're gonna judge this against the comics (and it's almost unavoidable, given how long I've been a fan), the movie is pants. If you just watch it for itself, it's amazing.

Doombreed A rating: * * * * 1/2

Doombreed B rating: * * *

This is so wrong..

This is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for this. Badwrong. Or badong*.

Bad.

Wrong.

Hilarious.

NSFW



Hat tip to 3vil g3nius for this bad, wrong and hilarious link.

*there may be a small prize for anyone who can spot where this is from. And then again, maybe not.

Hot Fuzz

I just joined the Hot Fuzz team at their website. One of the "challenges" is to post the HF badge on your site, so there it is.