Spinal Beeb

I'm keeping up with Election coverage by watching BBC.com (because BBC America is showing Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares instead) and I just noticed something with dear old Auntie Beeb's media player...

It goes up to eleven. That's one louder, isn't it? You see, most news outlets, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten there, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your news. Where can you go from there? Nowhere. Exactly.

And again...

I see that Bill O'Reilly and the Fox news team have started this year's "War On Christmas" blatherings already.

Is it just me or is there something sick about this so-called War On Christmas tomfoolery in a world where people really are suffering persecution for their beliefs?

Oh no they didn't...

More proof, as if that were needed, that Australians are completely and utterly barking mad, whilst, at the same time, have balls of steel, emerged today.

Via AMERICAblog to Crooks and Liars comes the story of how a bunch of Australian comediens waltzed through the security surrounding US President George Bush - which costs AU$1million per hour - with one of their number dressed like Osama bin Laden:



The comedians, from a show called The Chaser's War On Everything take an honest Aussie's dislike for everything in authority and take it to the max:



Yes. The story is worrying. It is worrying that a AU$1million per hour security force could be that piss-poor. Don't lose sight of that.

And, notice the pattern. The government ends up with egg on its face, but the comedians end up in jail.

Seven Down, Five To Go

Here, in video format, is the BBC report on Kentucky's newly-opened "Creation Museum" (mentioned here a few days ago).

Especially impressive is the quote from the actual scientist about how the only thing that's missing is the "yabba-dabba-do."

Excellent stuff.

Ego-A-Go-Go

An online petition is campaigning to have Paris Hilton's prison sentence pardoned because - you couldn't make this up - she "provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives".

Yep. Really.

See, Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in prison for drunk driving and, in the tradition of the rich and famous getting a better class of justice than the rest of us, has until the 5th of June to decide whether she's going to bother doing it before she'll get - gasp - a double sentence.

But the gemstone comes in the form of Hilton's own message endorsing the petition on her MySpace page:

"My friend Joshua started his petition, please help and sihn it. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!"

Yes, by all means, do go and sihn that petition. Join the 17,000 people who are passionately fighting for special rights for the rich and shameless.

These Are Our Allies?

One thing that is really getting on my wick is the way that the media over here are treating the 15 Britons just released by Iran.

This whole story must have been quite the dilemma for the rabid right-wingers, especially those at FAUX News and their spiritual brethren.

See, the right-wing mainstream media over here has been very vocal in its support of the Bush administration and, especially, for their efforts to legalise the use of torture - sorry, that's "aggressive interrogation techniques" - by US troops and intelligence personnel. Of course, this means that FOX couldn't exactly condemn Iran for using similar techniques, even when it was concerning illegally detained members of a closely allied power, and especially when the techniques used weren't as bad as those described by some in the media as "frat hazing."

FOX and their ilk have also taken great pains to play up the effectiveness of torture. Phrases like "a weapon in the war on terror" are often trotted out. This all means that they couldn't very well point out that the British troops resisted their captors quite effectively, and, true to their training, provided minimum cooperation whilst doing everything shy of sending up parachute flares to signal that they were appearing in videos and pictures only under duress.

So, the right can't condemn Iran, nor can it support the troops. What's a girl to do?

Well, it seems that The Powers That Be sent down an order from on high: Impugn the troops!

British troops are cowards who crumble as soon as you give them a hard look.

That's the thanks we get for nearly 150 dead and six years of support for Bush's little profit-making scheme.

But it's catching on outside of the conservative-dominated mainstream media.

Top-ranking (and publicity-hungry) US military officers have arrogantly and repeatedly stated that US soldiers would have offered more resistance, that they wouldn't have given up without a fight.

FreeRepublic, the deranged right-wing fucktard's deranged right-wing fucktards, has multiple threads where the Fightin' Keyboarders, safe in mommy's basement, tell us about how the soldiers should have acted, and how they would act if they were captured (and had the balls to join up in the first place).

Hell, even AMERICAblog - one of the more progressive, liberal blogs out there - fires a shot o'er our bows on this issue, erroneously describing Iran as "the enemy."

Yes, it's unfortunate, but the gung-ho, Rambo, Dirty Harry, John Wayne culture in America is so ingrained that some just can't hear for the roar of the testosterone. Stupidity and thoughtless violence is becoming a virtue. Luckily, it's mainly the media and a few wankers with computers, because most people I've spoken to face-to-face understand what really happened and join me in just being thankful that the guys made it home.

Americans in the media (and a minority I've spoken to) stand aghast that the fifteen Brits didn't whip off their shirts, tie on a headband, grab an M-60 and slaughter the entire Iranian Navy before invading Tehran, disposing of the Revolutionary Guard, planning, staging and executing a coup, planning, staging and executing free democratic elections, posing for statues commemorating their bravery and then swimming back to England, making it in time to give 'er indoors a good seein' to, and all in time for the 10 O'Clock News.

Sadly, there are those amongst my countrymen who feel the same way.

Here is the pertinent fact in this case:

The United Kingdom Of Great Britain and Northern Ireland does not, at this time, exist in a state of war, neither declared nor undeclared, with The Islamic Republic Of Iran.

Geddit?

This means that the 15 Brits weren't POWs, they were accused criminals.

They weren't captured by the enemy, they were arrested for a crime.

The Geneva Conventions do not apply.

Name, Rank and Number is bullshit.

The Brits weren't cooperating with the enemy, they were doing what they had to in order to survive.

And for all the armchair warriors who believe that there was something dishonourable about the way the Brits surrendered, here's something that I guess would never occur:

Royal Marine Captain Chris Air was in charge of fourteen people; seven Royal Marines and seven Royal Navy sailors, on a mission from HMS Cornwall to board and inspect a vessel suspected of smuggling. These fourteen people were lightly armed and traveling in two "Gemini" rigid raiders. The were confronted by forces from the Iranian Navy and accused of violating Iranian waters. Captain Air knew from his GPS that he was still, at that point, within Iraqi waters, but he also knew that his small crew didn't stand a chance of resisting the Iranians even for as long as it would have taken the Cornwall to arrive. But, more importantly, he was also aware of the fact related above; that Britain and Iran weren't at war.

Capt Air had a choice. Open fire or surrender. Certain of our allies would have you believe that the latter was dishonourable and he should have done the former, even if it cost his life and the lives of his subordinates.

Here is the choice:

Either:

Open fire and "go down fighting", thus sacrificing the fourteen lives under your command, and instigating armed conflict with someone you are not at war with, creating a massive international incident and quite probably sending Britain into a war at a time we can scarcely afford it, with a country with which we have always maintained diplomatic relations and are hoping to have diplomatic relations with in the future, in a region where our activities and the activities of our allies are being viewed with considerable hatred and are already breeding the very terrorism we're supposed to be fighting.

Or:

Swallow your pride, surrender, and let the diplomats sort it all out.

British soldiers are sworn to defend Crown and country, even if the cost is high. Laying down one's life for one's country is a great sacrifice. Capt Air did something much harder, something a lot of Americans - and some Brits - are having a hard time understanding. Most of us wouldn't have had the courage to do it. Most of us would have taken the easy way out and called it "honourable."

Capt Air laid down his ego and his weapon, and in doing so, defended his country.

Bravo.

University Shooting Kills 33

Today, I watched, dumbfounded, as events at Virginia Tech unfolded. The number started at 21 and kept climbing. The current total is 33 dead, including the perpetrator. That's 32 innocent lives ended. 33 families sundered. The concept is staggering, almost impossible to comprehend.

As the enormity of what we were seeing began to permeate, people in the break room at work were hardly speaking above a whisper. Our thoughts turned to the families. Anyone with kids at Virginia Tech must have been waiting by the phone, hoping it would ring but at the same time dreading it. Police urged students to phone their families. 32 families never received a call, at least not the one they wanted. It's enough to make anyone pause and ponder the fragility of life, how easily it's ended. Such a situation demands pause and reflection, requires dignity and consideration.

Unless you're CNN.

The coverage I saw came from CNN's "Situation Room", with host Wolf Blitzer. CNN had secured some footage, shot by a student, in which gunshots - a lot of gunshots - could be heard.

CNN showed that footage - and this is not a joke, trust me - with a counter ticking off the shots. A counter. A cheerful little graphic with numbers changing as merrily as Sesame Street's resident bloodsucker counting cupcakes. 27 shots. 27 bullets. How many dead were being ticked off by that counter?

But that's not the worst. Blitzer introduced the segment by saying something to the tune of "watch, and count along with us."

I'll leave you with your speechlessness.

Cheney Survives Bomb

Vice President Dick Cheney was at the Bagram air base in Afghanistan when a suicide bomber walked up to the outermost gate and detonated an explosive device. The Taleban are claiming responsibility and say that Cheney was the target. Conflicting reports say around eleven people died and around twenty people were wounded.

Whatever your personal opinion of the man - and I believe you'd probably need a crucifix and a stake to keep him down - this kind of stuff is deplorable. Suicide bombings give a clear indication of just the kind of people you're dealing with. There really can be no negotiation with someone who is prepared to commit such an act.

At the very least you have to give the IRA credit for some intelligence. They set their bombs and left. Sure, they were murdering arseholes, but at least they were smart murdering arseholes.

What's also disturbing to me is how I found out. I was at work, outside having a quick smoke, when a co-worker came out from the break room, where one or other of the 24-hour news channels is usually playing. She explained to us that the bomb had been positively linked to Iran. As it turned out, this was pure rubbish.

Now, I have no idea which news channel she'd been watching, or even if she had been watching one or if she'd got this information second- or third-hand, but this kind of uninformed commentary is typical.

Either it was wild speculation or deliberate misinformation. I rank it alongside those that still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11 and that Iraq had WMDs. Must we muddle the story with inaccurate editorialising?

News From The Land Of The Bizzarre

Whilst Maine residents form a naked bowling league, New Yorkers are going to be faced with the age-old question, "would you let a robot park your car?"

The city of Chicago tries to celebrate their Bears' visit to the Superbowl in a traditional way, a man in Ohio gets shot in a way not incompatible with the Naked Gun TV series and movies, and, also in Ohio, dinner at a Westerville high school was interrupted by a naked, greased student.

And a Wisconsin lawyer was arrested for drunk driving, whilst driving to the local police station to pick up a client arrested for - yes - drunk driving.

BBC review of the year

Okay, in preparation for something which may or may not get published here tomorrow, in which you may or may not get to read Doombreed's Review of 2006, which may or may not be a humourous take on 2006's most prominent events (I may or may not review 2005, just to mess with you), here is Auntie Beeb's list of news.BBC.com's most popular stories of 2006.

Watch out for the goat wedding. That's the high point.

Doombreed Named Time Magazine Person Of The Year 2006

..well, me and everybody else.

I graciously accept.

Ohh.. So That's Discrimination...

So, British Airways employee Nadia Eweida is suspended from work because she refuses to obey the dress code that says her necklace must be worn under her uniform.

Okay, lets get to the root of this:

It's a necklace.

It's jewelry.

The fact that it consists of a cross-shaped piece of metal hanging from a chain is irrelevant. It is jewelry.

That British Airways takes action against her for refusing to obey their dress code does not, in any way, constitute discrimination.

That Mrs Eweida and her supporters continue to claim that she was fired for wearing "a symbol of her faith" does not make it so.

"Frankly I think the British Airways order for her not to wear a cross was loopy.

"I don't understand it, I don't think anybody understands it and that is my view."

No, pay attention. She can wear the necklace, she must, however, obey the dress code and wear it under her uniform.

She was suspended for refusing to obey her employer's dress code, not for wearing a necklace. She was suspended because, like most of the wacky religious right, she feels that rules should apply to everyone except her, not because this is some targeted anti-Christian hate tactic.

George Galloway, the Respect leader, said: "[...] BA must bring this woman back to work right now, compensate her and apologise to her and then explain to the rest of us what twisted thought mechanism allowed such a stupid thing to be done."

Were you not paying attention to that whole "suspended for refusing to obey her employer's dress code" bit?

Kinda makes me wonder how Mrs Eweida, her supporters and their ilk view this disturbing campaign to ban Moslem women from wearing their veils.

Bet they're not so into religious freedom then, are they?

Not Staying The Course On Staying The Course

Ever since the invasion of Iraq, the soundbite from the White House has been "stay the course" or some variaton thereof.

We will stay the course.

We will stay the course, we will complete the job in Iraq.

We will stay the course until the job is done, Steve. And the temptation is to try to get the President or somebody to put a timetable on the definition of getting the job done. We’re just going to stay the course.

And my message today to those in Iraq is: We’ll stay the course.

And that’s why we’re going to stay the course in Iraq. And that’s why when we say something in Iraq, we’re going to do it.

And so we’ve got tough action in Iraq. But we will stay the course.

(All quotes Pres. George W. Bush)

So, apparently, not only have we been staying the course, but we are so committed that we are, if you'll pardon the expression, staying the course on staying the course.

Until today*.

Not only are we no longer staying the course on staying the course, we aren't even simply staying the course at all. The course is dead to us. The course knows what it did, why we aren't staying.

Oh, but worse.

Apparently, not only are we neither staying the course on staying the course, nor simply staying the course at all, we never were staying the course.

Y'know, I miss bits of England. I've posted on the subject before. And one of the things I miss about English telly is the way English political interviewers are unafraid to call bullshit.

Imagine if that that been Blair trying such a blatant falsehood on someone like Brian Walden. You'd have heard the outrage all over the country with your tv set off.

And it's not just interviewers but viewers, too. Remember that housewife roasting Margaret Thatcher over the sinking of the Belgrano?

*Hat tip to AMERICAblog.

Well, nothing lasts forever

Feeling much better, so it's back to work tomorrow, so just to fill in the day, here's an interesting story nearly 40 years in the making.

I'm sure that most people are aware of the joke surrounding the 1969 Moon landing, where Neil Armstrong apparently fluffed his lines. On the way to the Moon, Armstrong says, he came up with the now famous phrase "that's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

But then, from the recording, he stuttered at the crucial moment and missed the "a", turning the phrase into "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind".

Well, apparently, he did no such thing. And a $45 computer programme proves it.

Allegedly.

One of the wierd things is that I have always thought that Armstrong intended to say "one small step for man", and never saw that there was anything wrong with it until a few years ago when it was pointed out to me. I mean, one small step for man? That means, like, a small step for man, as in a man, right? Isn't that, I thought, why he put in the difference beween man and mankind?

And, in the final analysis, wouldn't Armstrong be able to settle the argument by saying "Man? A man? Who cares? I was on the Moon, dude! Have you been on the Moon? Didn't think so! So shut up!"

5 years on

I think they might yank my Licence To Blog if I don't at least mention that today is the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

Of course, mentioning such - as seemingly every blog in the universe did, and every newspaper, and every TV news show, not to mention Monday Night Football on ESPN, and a myriad of other shows on TV, radio, the Internet - presupposes that you are so dumb you don't know that today is the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

But it is.

I'm going to make no comment on the subject of 9/11. There's enough political rhetoric and opprtunistic coffin-riding being spewed all over the world on a day that should be about simple remembrance.

Steve Irwin, RIP

Well, I see the news has spread all over the world. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, was killed whilst swimming off of Australia's north coast.

He was filming a documentary on tiger sharks when a stingray speared him with its barbed tail. He was dead by the time he reached hospital.

This is weird news. I always thought Irwin would go out with a crocodile, or some venomous snake. Stingray attacks are so rare that this marks only the third time in recorded history that a human has died this way.

Contrary to the opinions already being spouted all over the Internet, Irwin wasn't aggravating the stingray in anyway before the incident, according to Australian police who have viewed the footage being filmed at the time. Sadly, it cannot be long before this footage is "leaked" and finds its way onto the Internet, if it hasn't already.

Irwin did for conservation what Carl Sagan did for science. He had an easy way of making things simple, and getting his point across in the clearest possible terms.

Irwin was so loved in Australia that he will receive a state funeral, if that is what his family wants.

A sad loss for the world.

Snakes On A Plane ... Reality Show?

I was listening to the local radio station yesterday when the DJ made mention of rumours of a new reality show based around the movie Snakes On A Plane.

So, I checked it out and, indeed, Craigslist is sending out an apparently genuine casting call for just such a series:

Synopsis: 20 contestants (10 male/10 female) travel by commercial aircraft to 10 different cities around the world. With the crew and pilots secure, the contestants will share the cabin area with 200 snakes. 5 of the 200 are poisonous. Each flight will be between 5 -12 hours in length. The reward at the end of each flight will be a day spent in luxury visiting the exotic destination city. Contestants can then choose to fly 3 friends out and extend their visit for week, all expense paid OR get back on the flight for the next leg of the competition. If at any time a contestant is bit by any of the 5 poisonous snake, antivenom will be administered and they will be eliminated.

This is either the dumbest idea in the history of television, or the smartest (or, it's a hoax). I can't decide which.

24 held in terror plot

I guess I can't blog today without mentioning the situation in England.

I heard the news from a coworker this morning, and then checked the Beeb to get the details, because the US television news is collectively soiling itself. The coverage of these events is near-hysterical and often contradictory. I caught a report on FOX which claimed that the terrorists had been apprehended sitting on the 'planes with the bombs in their luggage!

I even caught the tail end of a report about how people at some airport (whose name I did not catch) were being searched at security but not before getting on the 'plane. This, claimed the anchor, meant that people could - gasp - buy things on the concourse and take them on the 'plane! It makes a mockery of security!

(Unless one is resonably sure that the shops in the airport aren't selling explosives. I dunno. Maybe American airports have more than the usual duty-frees.)

The US color-coded terror alert chart thingy is up to red for the first time ever.

I trust my countrymen (and women) are taking the developments with our customary calm and unruffledness (is that a word? It is now) and aren't spending the night jumping at shadows.

P.s. is anyone else seeing the strange side here?

Pre-9/11 Al Qaeda were known more for their own-goals than anything else. They used all the down and dirty bomb tricks. Trucks with fertiliser bombs, grenades on alarm clocks, stolen explosives, mining or industrial explosives. They were strictly IED.

Now they're coordinating massive plots involving dozens of individuals and hard-to-detect liquid explosives?

This is some James Bond shit, here. A far cry from one idiot trying to set fire to his shoes.

Supernova Sue 'Rock Star: Supernova' Producers, Bandmembers

Speaking of Rock Star: Supernova, how many had heard that they're being sued by a band called - you guessed it - Supernova, who have been around since 1989 and have released several albums under the name?

Oops.

MTV News - Supernova Sue 'Rock Star: Supernova' Producers, Bandmembers: "Nine days before the July 5 broadcast premiere of Mark Burnett's 'Rock Star: Supernova' on CBS, the three members of Orange County, California, punk trio Supernova — who formed back in 1989 and released four albums, including 2000's Pop as a Weapon — filed a lawsuit against the show's producers, charging trademark infringement.

The lawsuit, filed in federal court in San Diego, names Mark Burnett Productions, Rockstar Entertainment Inc. and CBS Broadcasting as defendants, along with Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clarke — the three future members of the group this season's 'Rock Star' is supposed to spawn and endow with a lead singer. After someone's chosen to front the band, the foursome will eventually record and release fresh material before touring the nation, all under the Supernova moniker "

History repeating?

So, it appears that there's some trepidation concerning how the England fans will react to Rooney's red card which - it's believed the fans will think - cost us the game. Several team-mates have already come out in support of the Manchester United striker and outgoing manager Sven-Goran Eriksson faced the press and said "Pay attention, please", before stating "he is the golden boy of English football. Don't kill him, because you will need him."

Now, nobody thinks Rooney is facing death over this, but precedent suggests that he may die a million symbolic deaths over the next few months.

During England's ghastly exit from France '98 against Argentina, captain David Beckham was red carded for kicking an Argentinean player after a foul. His return home was less than welcomed. He was booed on his home field, burned and hanged in effigy, vilified by the press, and even received death threats.

Ultimately, though, this is a different story. Beckham was sent off for what most fans perceived as a pathetic breach of the rules. Rooney stomped on an opponent's genitals. Beckham went off whilst laying on the ground. Rooney was on his feet, fighting for the ball with all the skill and tenacity we expect from him.

Let's face it: Beckham's a big girl's blouse. Rooney's a striker on the England football team. Beckham's a pretty boy. Rooney would slot right into the '66 line-up and nobody would think him out of place.

And Rooney got sent off for doing exactly what he's paid to do.

No, I believe that the bulk of the reaction will be squarely behind Rooney.

Sure, some will bitch and moan. Some always do, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

But most, like those that gathered to welcome our boys home, will not forgive because there is nothing to forgive.

Wayne Rooney is an England striker in the classic mold, tough, tenacious, hard-hitting and strong.

If only the media could stop stirring things for a few minutes...