We lost Selene yesterday. It was pretty sudden and a bit of a shock, even though she was getting along in years for a gerbil. She was such an adorable little girl, and we'll miss her.
Rest in peace, little one.
12.3.08
In Memoriam
We lost Selene yesterday. It was pretty sudden and a bit of a shock, even though she was getting along in years for a gerbil. She was such an adorable little girl, and we'll miss her.
Rest in peace, little one.
19.2.08
I should stop, but I just don't wanna
I've been trawling around looking for the best (and worst) jabs at the Patriots.
First, here's one that, I assume, came from last year when the Colts, under Peyton Manning, beat the Patriots against the odds to go to the Superbowl:
Next, we bridge the gap, with Peyton passing the torch to younger brother Eli:
This sums it up, I think:
It's a bitch:
It's not nice to mock the afflicted, but here we go anyway:
X-Box Game Unveils Secret Bonus:
And what was that record again?
And, finally..
First, here's one that, I assume, came from last year when the Colts, under Peyton Manning, beat the Patriots against the odds to go to the Superbowl:
Next, we bridge the gap, with Peyton passing the torch to younger brother Eli:
This sums it up, I think:
It's a bitch:
It's not nice to mock the afflicted, but here we go anyway:
X-Box Game Unveils Secret Bonus:
And what was that record again?
And, finally..
Define "Irony"
Okay, so this is not so much ironic as it is abso-friggin-lutely hilarious, but it seems that the New England Patriots filed applications to trademark the phrases "19-0" and "19-0: The Perfect Season", almost a month before the Superbowl.
The word "hubris" means exaggerated and overwhelming - but unwarranted - pride and self-confidence, and is often used in conjunction with the concept of the subject getting his or her comeuppance.
Maybe Bob Kraft needed to have a slave standing at his shoulder whispering "look not so proud, for the football gods are jealous" as he rode in triumph into Foxborough.
Story tipped by the NY Post and their story about kids in Nicaragua being gifted with the now unnecessary Patriots "19-0" Superbowl XLII Champions t-shirts and hats.
The word "hubris" means exaggerated and overwhelming - but unwarranted - pride and self-confidence, and is often used in conjunction with the concept of the subject getting his or her comeuppance.
Maybe Bob Kraft needed to have a slave standing at his shoulder whispering "look not so proud, for the football gods are jealous" as he rode in triumph into Foxborough.
Story tipped by the NY Post and their story about kids in Nicaragua being gifted with the now unnecessary Patriots "19-0" Superbowl XLII Champions t-shirts and hats.
12.2.08
Merc'ing It Up
I have been tussling with Resident Evil 4 on the PS2 for a while now, and I have nearly destroyed the game completely.
I played it through on normal, unlocking the Mercenaries and Assignment Ada mini-games, plus the Matilda burst pistol and the first special costume.
A second run through, much easier with improved weapons and the body armour, unlocked the infinite missile launcher.
Completing the Separate Ways scenario on normal gave me the Chicago Typewriter - an infinite machine gun - and the second special costume.
Playing the main game through and then the Separate Ways game through, both on the pro setting, gave me the PRL-412 - the experimental light-based gun that treats bosses like a fart in a cyclone.
Playing the Mercenaries game gave me some trouble, but after some practice I managed to unlock all four special characters - Ada, Krauser, Hunk and Wesker - by getting 4 star ratings in all four scenarios.
There is but one thing left to unlock, according to the various guides I found at this point.
The hand cannon - an infinite .44 magnum.
The guide I used says that all I had to do was get a 5-star rating on each scenario and it would be mine.
So I did, using the totally awesome Krauser to do 3 scenarios and Hunk the fourth.
And nothing.
I checked the guides again.
Yep. What am I doing wrong?
Well, I was doing some deeper research and, apparently, there is a difference of opinion concerning what you have to do to get it. Some guides say you need a 5-star rating on each scenario (I know that's not true), some say you need a 5-star rating with each character (harder, but not impossible) and some say you need a 5-star with each character on each scenario.
And that seems damn near impossible, considering how much Leon sucks.
Still, I'm going for the second option, and if that doesn't work, I'll have to go with the third.
Here's where I am so far:
Leon:
Pueblo:................3 stars
Castle:................4 stars
Military Base:........3 stars
Waterworld:..........4 stars
Ada:
Pueblo:................3 stars
Castle:................4 stars
Military Base:........0 stars
Waterworld:..........0 stars
Krauser:
Pueblo:................5 stars
Castle:................5 stars
Military Base:........5 stars
Waterworld:..........5 stars
Hunk:
Pueblo:................2 stars
Castle:................5 stars
Military Base:........4 stars
Waterworld:..........0 stars
Wesker:
Pueblo:................0 stars
Castle:................2 stars
Military Base:........4 stars
Waterworld:..........0 stars
(0 stars indicates I've never even played the scenario with that character - you get 1 star just for turning up)
So, if the second scenario is correct, I need a 5 star rating with Leon (who sucks, so that should be fun) Ada and Wesker. If third scenario is correct, I have a lot of work to do.
I played it through on normal, unlocking the Mercenaries and Assignment Ada mini-games, plus the Matilda burst pistol and the first special costume.
A second run through, much easier with improved weapons and the body armour, unlocked the infinite missile launcher.
Completing the Separate Ways scenario on normal gave me the Chicago Typewriter - an infinite machine gun - and the second special costume.
Playing the main game through and then the Separate Ways game through, both on the pro setting, gave me the PRL-412 - the experimental light-based gun that treats bosses like a fart in a cyclone.
Playing the Mercenaries game gave me some trouble, but after some practice I managed to unlock all four special characters - Ada, Krauser, Hunk and Wesker - by getting 4 star ratings in all four scenarios.
There is but one thing left to unlock, according to the various guides I found at this point.
The hand cannon - an infinite .44 magnum.
The guide I used says that all I had to do was get a 5-star rating on each scenario and it would be mine.
So I did, using the totally awesome Krauser to do 3 scenarios and Hunk the fourth.
And nothing.
I checked the guides again.
Yep. What am I doing wrong?
Well, I was doing some deeper research and, apparently, there is a difference of opinion concerning what you have to do to get it. Some guides say you need a 5-star rating on each scenario (I know that's not true), some say you need a 5-star rating with each character (harder, but not impossible) and some say you need a 5-star with each character on each scenario.
And that seems damn near impossible, considering how much Leon sucks.
Still, I'm going for the second option, and if that doesn't work, I'll have to go with the third.
Here's where I am so far:
Leon:
Pueblo:................3 stars
Castle:................4 stars
Military Base:........3 stars
Waterworld:..........4 stars
Ada:
Pueblo:................3 stars
Castle:................4 stars
Military Base:........0 stars
Waterworld:..........0 stars
Krauser:
Pueblo:................5 stars
Castle:................5 stars
Military Base:........5 stars
Waterworld:..........5 stars
Hunk:
Pueblo:................2 stars
Castle:................5 stars
Military Base:........4 stars
Waterworld:..........0 stars
Wesker:
Pueblo:................0 stars
Castle:................2 stars
Military Base:........4 stars
Waterworld:..........0 stars
(0 stars indicates I've never even played the scenario with that character - you get 1 star just for turning up)
So, if the second scenario is correct, I need a 5 star rating with Leon (who sucks, so that should be fun) Ada and Wesker. If third scenario is correct, I have a lot of work to do.
8.2.08
An Open Letter To That Patriots Fan
Dear Patriots Fan,
I don't - in most cases - know your name, just the various online handles you use in various chatrooms, message boards and forums. Be it PatriotsFan, bradyisgod, patsrule2007, or whatever else you could come up with, you are the gestalt entity which has earned the ire of NFL fandom.
For almost 5 months now you've been strutting around like the cock of the walk, secure in your team's dominance of the NFL, confidently and arrogantly predicting the perfect season. With nary a glance towards spelling, and a barely a brush with grammar, we've had to hear about how the team from New England are "the graetest in the histry of the game".
Sometimes you seem to have a keyboard without a working shift key, as capital letters elude you, even in your beloved QB "tom bradey".
Also apparent, and almost as often, is your tenuous grasp of punctuation. Great long paragraphs of bile and shameless fawning, broken by not a single comma or full stop, declaring for all the world "I am an ignorant bastard and I am either so stupid as to be unaware of it, or simply arrogant enough to be proud of it," or, as you would put it, "im dum n i dont care."
You've dismissed mention of the Patriots long-time cheating as "haters" and ignored any attempt to discuss relative merits or historical evidence.
No, this season you've made being a fan of any other team a frustrating experience.
And now you're going to whine because it's all coming back on you?
Karma's a bitch.
Yes, you lost.
The Lord High-And-Mighty, Master Of The Comeback, Great And Powerful Engineer Of The Last-Minute Game-Winning Drive, The Golden Boy, The Man Himself, "tom bradey", couldn't hit a cow's arse with a shovel at the end of that game because the Giants had been doing exactly what fans around the league have been saying for months: plow the field with Brady's face.
I'll leave the analysis for another time. But we were right, you were wrong: Any team that rattles Brady beats the Patriots.
But you refuse to even acknowledge the loss. There are rumblings of cheating, rumblings of biased refs. How absurd.
You lost. You've spent 5 months giving it out, and now it's time for you to take it.
And, yes, that means from everybody. Even Dolphins fans have the right to mock you for your stupidity.
All the jokes, all the ribbing, the names, the insults, these are your due. Take it like a man, even if that means most of you will have to fake it.
Maybe, like the sword going to the forge, this experience will help you. It may be next year, it may be in ten years time, but the next time your "pats" go 7-0, 8-0, 10-0, 12-0, perhaps you'll reserve judgment because you've seen how the mighty can fall.
Maybe, in a future season, if your "pats" go 18-0 to the Superbowl again, even then, maybe - just maybe - you'll hold your tongue and stay away from the message boards with your ridiculous guarantees and silly hyperbole.
Maybe, next time the "pats" start building a nice undefeated season, and the idiots swarm out of the woodwork to take possession of the Superbowl on week 7, you'll be one of the calm heads cautioning patience and wisdom.
And maybe this experience will make you a better friend, a better fan, and a better person.
Maybe.
See you next season.
And remember, 31 coaches now have the Patriots' number, thanks to the Giants.
I don't - in most cases - know your name, just the various online handles you use in various chatrooms, message boards and forums. Be it PatriotsFan, bradyisgod, patsrule2007, or whatever else you could come up with, you are the gestalt entity which has earned the ire of NFL fandom.
For almost 5 months now you've been strutting around like the cock of the walk, secure in your team's dominance of the NFL, confidently and arrogantly predicting the perfect season. With nary a glance towards spelling, and a barely a brush with grammar, we've had to hear about how the team from New England are "the graetest in the histry of the game".
Sometimes you seem to have a keyboard without a working shift key, as capital letters elude you, even in your beloved QB "tom bradey".
Also apparent, and almost as often, is your tenuous grasp of punctuation. Great long paragraphs of bile and shameless fawning, broken by not a single comma or full stop, declaring for all the world "I am an ignorant bastard and I am either so stupid as to be unaware of it, or simply arrogant enough to be proud of it," or, as you would put it, "im dum n i dont care."
You've dismissed mention of the Patriots long-time cheating as "haters" and ignored any attempt to discuss relative merits or historical evidence.
No, this season you've made being a fan of any other team a frustrating experience.
And now you're going to whine because it's all coming back on you?
Karma's a bitch.
Yes, you lost.
The Lord High-And-Mighty, Master Of The Comeback, Great And Powerful Engineer Of The Last-Minute Game-Winning Drive, The Golden Boy, The Man Himself, "tom bradey", couldn't hit a cow's arse with a shovel at the end of that game because the Giants had been doing exactly what fans around the league have been saying for months: plow the field with Brady's face.
I'll leave the analysis for another time. But we were right, you were wrong: Any team that rattles Brady beats the Patriots.
But you refuse to even acknowledge the loss. There are rumblings of cheating, rumblings of biased refs. How absurd.
You lost. You've spent 5 months giving it out, and now it's time for you to take it.
And, yes, that means from everybody. Even Dolphins fans have the right to mock you for your stupidity.
All the jokes, all the ribbing, the names, the insults, these are your due. Take it like a man, even if that means most of you will have to fake it.
Maybe, like the sword going to the forge, this experience will help you. It may be next year, it may be in ten years time, but the next time your "pats" go 7-0, 8-0, 10-0, 12-0, perhaps you'll reserve judgment because you've seen how the mighty can fall.
Maybe, in a future season, if your "pats" go 18-0 to the Superbowl again, even then, maybe - just maybe - you'll hold your tongue and stay away from the message boards with your ridiculous guarantees and silly hyperbole.
Maybe, next time the "pats" start building a nice undefeated season, and the idiots swarm out of the woodwork to take possession of the Superbowl on week 7, you'll be one of the calm heads cautioning patience and wisdom.
And maybe this experience will make you a better friend, a better fan, and a better person.
Maybe.
See you next season.
And remember, 31 coaches now have the Patriots' number, thanks to the Giants.
3.2.08
And It's Over
Giants 17-14 Patriots.
What a wonderful world. And now it's been proved that cheaters never win and winners never cheat, the Patriots, it seems, are about to get theirs.
I've never been a Giants fan, and I never will be, except for tonight.
What a wonderful world. And now it's been proved that cheaters never win and winners never cheat, the Patriots, it seems, are about to get theirs.
I've never been a Giants fan, and I never will be, except for tonight.
It's here...
Today is the day when we find out, once and for all, whether cheaters win and whether winners cheat.
Good luck to the Giants. You'll need it against the Patriots and the refs. Just don't dare say so or they'll fine you.
Good luck to the Giants. You'll need it against the Patriots and the refs. Just don't dare say so or they'll fine you.
"It's hard to go out there and play the Patriots and the refs at the same time," McAlister said. "They put the crown on top of them, they want them to win. They won."
27.1.08
Happy Winter-een-mas to you and yours.
We at Legal Alien wish you and yours a happy Winter-een-mas and hope you inflict much ownage on this most sacred of gamer's holidays.
Ownage be with you.
Ownage be with you.
1.1.08
Giants Beat Patriots, NFL Beats Giants.
In a stunning display of skill and dignity the New York Giants refused to lay down and play dead on Saturday night.
In the final game of the NFL's regular season, the Giants faced off against the New England Patriots who, as reported previously on Legal Alien were awarded the undefeated season and this year's Superbowl before the first game was played. The 10-5 Giants were going to lose, it had been decided, but nobody could force them to make it easy.
For three straight quarters the Giants destroyed the Patriots on both sides of the ball. The Patriots' shambolic offense could barely manage to put up a decent drive, and the Giants were carving up the defense like they were amateurs. The Patriots opening drive ended with the team settling for a field goal, in answer to the Giants opening touchdown.
After a nicely orchestrated penalty saved the Patriots from going three-and-out, they managed to stumble down the field for a touchdown, giving them their only legitimate lead of the game.
NY lead 21-16 at the half and 28-23 at the end of the 3rd quarter.
At this point the Giants felt that they'd made their point - that they could easily have beaten the Patriots if they'd chosen to - they obeyed their orders from the NFL and stopped playing.
The change was marked and incredible. It was like the Giants went home and sent the Miami Dolphins (1-15) out in their uniforms to play the final quarter.
Even then, the Giants thumbed their nose at the Patriots with an easy touchdown in the closing minutes of the game to keep things close and give the NFL a scare.
Life-long Giants fan James Edmondsen said after the game, "It's a shame that we weren't allowed to win, but if we meet those bitches in the Superbowl, it's on.
"All bets are off," he continued, "the league can kiss my ass."
Dallas Cowboys fan Jake Phillips echoed the sentiment, "We had the Patriots on the run when the guys in black and white stepped in. In the Superbowl, we own them."
Morton Braithwaite, follower of the Philadelphia Eagles, said, "I hate the Giants like I hate the Cowboys, but if they get to the Superbowl, you bet I'll be a fan. Anyone who gets revenge on the Patriots is fine by me.
"Screw the NFL," he added.
This article, again, is a parody. It is not intended to be taken seriously. No quotes attributed to any person, named or unnamed, are real. The contents of this article do not, to the best of my knowledge, represent the actual truth behind the farce that was the 2007 season.
In the final game of the NFL's regular season, the Giants faced off against the New England Patriots who, as reported previously on Legal Alien were awarded the undefeated season and this year's Superbowl before the first game was played. The 10-5 Giants were going to lose, it had been decided, but nobody could force them to make it easy.
For three straight quarters the Giants destroyed the Patriots on both sides of the ball. The Patriots' shambolic offense could barely manage to put up a decent drive, and the Giants were carving up the defense like they were amateurs. The Patriots opening drive ended with the team settling for a field goal, in answer to the Giants opening touchdown.
After a nicely orchestrated penalty saved the Patriots from going three-and-out, they managed to stumble down the field for a touchdown, giving them their only legitimate lead of the game.
NY lead 21-16 at the half and 28-23 at the end of the 3rd quarter.
At this point the Giants felt that they'd made their point - that they could easily have beaten the Patriots if they'd chosen to - they obeyed their orders from the NFL and stopped playing.
The change was marked and incredible. It was like the Giants went home and sent the Miami Dolphins (1-15) out in their uniforms to play the final quarter.
Even then, the Giants thumbed their nose at the Patriots with an easy touchdown in the closing minutes of the game to keep things close and give the NFL a scare.
Life-long Giants fan James Edmondsen said after the game, "It's a shame that we weren't allowed to win, but if we meet those bitches in the Superbowl, it's on.
"All bets are off," he continued, "the league can kiss my ass."
Dallas Cowboys fan Jake Phillips echoed the sentiment, "We had the Patriots on the run when the guys in black and white stepped in. In the Superbowl, we own them."
Morton Braithwaite, follower of the Philadelphia Eagles, said, "I hate the Giants like I hate the Cowboys, but if they get to the Superbowl, you bet I'll be a fan. Anyone who gets revenge on the Patriots is fine by me.
"Screw the NFL," he added.
* * * *
This article, again, is a parody. It is not intended to be taken seriously. No quotes attributed to any person, named or unnamed, are real. The contents of this article do not, to the best of my knowledge, represent the actual truth behind the farce that was the 2007 season.
25.12.07
'Tis The Season
Well, it's been a hectic couple o' weeks. We moved house, a process that was way harder and took way longer than any two people should have to endure. Still, we're firmly ensconced in our new home. Settling - if not settled - in, just in time for Christmas.
Thus far this year I've been spared much of the "war on Christmas" claptrap, thanks to the fact that I've had neither the time nor inclination to watch The Never Ending Torrent Of Complete And Utter Bullshit That Is FAUX News, however, I did notice one of our greatest and most prolific anti-Christmas warriors firing a beautiful salvo. Yep, that world-renown secular progressive, the Archbishop Of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, says that the traditional Christmas story - the manger, star, wise men, blah, blah, blah - is only "a legend".
Thanks to the Hippy, here is a lil' Xmas video, and a lil' Xmas song. Don't blame me, I'm just passin' 'em on.
Have a very merry Christmas, Mythmas, Solstice, December 25th, Whatever You're Doing, and don't drink and drive - you'll spill it all over your trousers.
Thus far this year I've been spared much of the "war on Christmas" claptrap, thanks to the fact that I've had neither the time nor inclination to watch The Never Ending Torrent Of Complete And Utter Bullshit That Is FAUX News, however, I did notice one of our greatest and most prolific anti-Christmas warriors firing a beautiful salvo. Yep, that world-renown secular progressive, the Archbishop Of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, says that the traditional Christmas story - the manger, star, wise men, blah, blah, blah - is only "a legend".
Thanks to the Hippy, here is a lil' Xmas video, and a lil' Xmas song. Don't blame me, I'm just passin' 'em on.
Have a very merry Christmas, Mythmas, Solstice, December 25th, Whatever You're Doing, and don't drink and drive - you'll spill it all over your trousers.
10.12.07
Patriots Win Superbowl
It was a controversial decision, but one that the NFL felt was necessary: The Patriots have won the Superbowl.
With three games still to play in the regular season, the NFL's top competition has long been decided, claims one NFL insider, speaking today on the condition of anonymity.
"It was decided long before the first snap [of the season]. The NFL needed an undefeated team and they fit the bill.
"Sucks to be the '72 Dolphins," he added, referring to the only team to go undefeated through to win the Superbowl up to this year, "but that record is going away."
The decision is, he claimed, motivated by money.
"With an 18-0 team in the Superbowl, ad prices have quadrupled. It's insane. It's like seven, eight million for thirty seconds. And tickets for the Patriots' last three games are already changing hands for twice the cover price."
Memorabilia sales based around the undefeated season are expected to top $100 billion over the next five years, between the Patriots and the NFL's own merchandising.
For the other contenders it has been a bitter pill to swallow. The Dallas Cowboys and the Green Bay Packers - the NFC teams most likely to qualify to lose to the Patriots in the Superbowl - have registered protests, but all in vain.
"It's hard, but they just have to suck it up. The Colts are gonna lose to the Patriots in the AFC championship. Sorry, Payton, sorry Brett, sorry Tony, this is not your year."
The fix hasn't all been plain sailing, however.
"The Eagles and the Ravens gave the NFL a nasty scare. Both teams refused to roll over and play by the script, so the NFL had to create last-minute, game-winning touchdowns in both games. Refusing to review those non-touchdowns gave the Pats the games. Three Ravens guys were even fined for trying to point out the cheating," he said, adding, "the Colts and the Cowboys were beaten by some brilliantly inventive penalty calling by the refereeing squads. The Pats would be 9-4 right now - or worse - if the NFL weren't steering things the way they wanted."
The 19-0 Patriots have to play the Jets and the Dolphins before facing the Giants in their final game, which could be a problem according to our source.
"As of now, the Giants are still looking for a playoff berth, even though they aren't allowed to win the Superbowl. If they go into the 16th game needing to win, the NFL may have to call on the referees in order to make sure that the Pats continue to go undefeated. Watch out for Giants being called for offside when they blink, and looking in the general direction of Randy Moss will be called as pass interference.
"It's not fair, but this is football. It's not a sport, it's a business.
"People would love to see Brett [Favre of the Green Bay Packers] win another [Superbowl] ring before he retires, or see Payton [Manning of the Indianapolis Colts] go back-to-back, or see Tony [Romo of the Dallas Cowboys] win in his first full season as a starter, but it's far more profitable for the Patriots to win the whole ball of wax.
"And next year? Wait and see, but just think how much money could be made off of back-to-back undefeated seasons."
This article is a parody. It is not intended to be taken seriously. It is, however, intended to express my very real frustration, and the very real frustration of Eagles and Ravens fans, not to mention fans of fair competition in sport, at the way that the Patriots are cheating their way to an undefeated season, and especially at the way that the NFL's referees seem determined to help them. Play fair or don't play at all.
With three games still to play in the regular season, the NFL's top competition has long been decided, claims one NFL insider, speaking today on the condition of anonymity.
"It was decided long before the first snap [of the season]. The NFL needed an undefeated team and they fit the bill.
"Sucks to be the '72 Dolphins," he added, referring to the only team to go undefeated through to win the Superbowl up to this year, "but that record is going away."
Money
The decision is, he claimed, motivated by money.
"With an 18-0 team in the Superbowl, ad prices have quadrupled. It's insane. It's like seven, eight million for thirty seconds. And tickets for the Patriots' last three games are already changing hands for twice the cover price."
Memorabilia sales based around the undefeated season are expected to top $100 billion over the next five years, between the Patriots and the NFL's own merchandising.
For the other contenders it has been a bitter pill to swallow. The Dallas Cowboys and the Green Bay Packers - the NFC teams most likely to qualify to lose to the Patriots in the Superbowl - have registered protests, but all in vain.
"It's hard, but they just have to suck it up. The Colts are gonna lose to the Patriots in the AFC championship. Sorry, Payton, sorry Brett, sorry Tony, this is not your year."
The fix hasn't all been plain sailing, however.
Close Call
"The Eagles and the Ravens gave the NFL a nasty scare. Both teams refused to roll over and play by the script, so the NFL had to create last-minute, game-winning touchdowns in both games. Refusing to review those non-touchdowns gave the Pats the games. Three Ravens guys were even fined for trying to point out the cheating," he said, adding, "the Colts and the Cowboys were beaten by some brilliantly inventive penalty calling by the refereeing squads. The Pats would be 9-4 right now - or worse - if the NFL weren't steering things the way they wanted."
The 19-0 Patriots have to play the Jets and the Dolphins before facing the Giants in their final game, which could be a problem according to our source.
"As of now, the Giants are still looking for a playoff berth, even though they aren't allowed to win the Superbowl. If they go into the 16th game needing to win, the NFL may have to call on the referees in order to make sure that the Pats continue to go undefeated. Watch out for Giants being called for offside when they blink, and looking in the general direction of Randy Moss will be called as pass interference.
"It's not fair, but this is football. It's not a sport, it's a business.
"People would love to see Brett [Favre of the Green Bay Packers] win another [Superbowl] ring before he retires, or see Payton [Manning of the Indianapolis Colts] go back-to-back, or see Tony [Romo of the Dallas Cowboys] win in his first full season as a starter, but it's far more profitable for the Patriots to win the whole ball of wax.
"And next year? Wait and see, but just think how much money could be made off of back-to-back undefeated seasons."
* * * *
This article is a parody. It is not intended to be taken seriously. It is, however, intended to express my very real frustration, and the very real frustration of Eagles and Ravens fans, not to mention fans of fair competition in sport, at the way that the Patriots are cheating their way to an undefeated season, and especially at the way that the NFL's referees seem determined to help them. Play fair or don't play at all.
11.11.07
10 Signs You've Been Playing Way Too Much Resident Evil
When you see a potted plant, you check to see how you feel.
The sound of a dog's claws on tile makes your right index finger twitch.
When out after dark, the sight of moonlight glinting off of broken glass causes you to turn and take two steps before you realise what you're doing.
You get a quiet, nagging urge to reload before opening doors.
The sight of a parked police car gives you a surge of hope.
You think typewriters are for the weak, but still make a mental note of where you saw one.
A broom leaning against a neighbour's wall looks like it might be handy in a tight spot.
You peer into alleyways to see if there's anything useful lying around.
You understand what all of the above mean.
And number 1:
You suddenly remember that it's been a few days since you last blogged, and when you check, it's been more like three weeks...
The sound of a dog's claws on tile makes your right index finger twitch.
When out after dark, the sight of moonlight glinting off of broken glass causes you to turn and take two steps before you realise what you're doing.
You get a quiet, nagging urge to reload before opening doors.
The sight of a parked police car gives you a surge of hope.
You think typewriters are for the weak, but still make a mental note of where you saw one.
A broom leaning against a neighbour's wall looks like it might be handy in a tight spot.
You peer into alleyways to see if there's anything useful lying around.
You understand what all of the above mean.
And number 1:
You suddenly remember that it's been a few days since you last blogged, and when you check, it's been more like three weeks...
16.10.07
An extreme blast from the past
Thanks to Bing, who sent me this video via my facebook page.
The show is real. I grew up watching Rainbow, and all characters and puppets are real and acting in character, however, this episode never aired.
Rumour has it that this was filmed as a joke for a Christmas party, and the tape was released much later. This hasn't stopped many people who tout this as a genuine, aired episode.
Whatever, it's hilarious.
Cheers Bing.
The show is real. I grew up watching Rainbow, and all characters and puppets are real and acting in character, however, this episode never aired.
Rumour has it that this was filmed as a joke for a Christmas party, and the tape was released much later. This hasn't stopped many people who tout this as a genuine, aired episode.
Whatever, it's hilarious.
Cheers Bing.
12.10.07
Friday Cat Blogging
"Am I living in a box
Am I living in a cardboard box
Am I living in a box..."
Loki, for reasons best known to himself, pretends to be homelesskitty.
Friday Rodent Blogging
Selene, looking into a new career as a stuntgerbil for the movie industry, prepares to practice her death-defying leap off of a house act.
When I were a lad...
A financial advisor in Hertfordshire has been ordered to pay £75 to three kids who "teased" him over his mustache.
The world has changed. Had I gone to my parents to tell them that a man had threatened me because we were yelling insults at him, my dad would have given me a thick ear and dragged me to the guy to apologise.
Now you get spending money for it.
I'm 33. There's no way I should be using, in all seriousness, phrases like "in my day" and "when I was young".
It's not just that the world is changing. It's that it's changing so bloody fast..
The world has changed. Had I gone to my parents to tell them that a man had threatened me because we were yelling insults at him, my dad would have given me a thick ear and dragged me to the guy to apologise.
Now you get spending money for it.
I'm 33. There's no way I should be using, in all seriousness, phrases like "in my day" and "when I was young".
It's not just that the world is changing. It's that it's changing so bloody fast..
7.10.07
News From The Land Of The Bizarre
Cops Arrest 11-Year-Old Driving A Car At Over 100mph.
Apparently his parents have been letting him drive for six months.
That's it. No editorialising. I think the article is unbelievable enough as it is.
Apparently his parents have been letting him drive for six months.
That's it. No editorialising. I think the article is unbelievable enough as it is.
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