The Bengals didn't play today. I'm not sure who was out there playing in their uniforms, but they clearly had no idea how to play the game.
Some words that might have helped the Bengals tonight:
Catch (as in: "..the ball")
Sack (as in: "..that tall guy in blue with the 18 on his chest")
Protect (as in: "..the guy in the same uniform as you with the 9 on his chest")
Don't (as in: "..drop the ball, Carson" or "..let Marvin Harrison run around unmarked" or "..give Payton Manning three and a half hours to decide where he's going to throw the ball")
Do (as in: "..score")
Still, at least the Colts cheerleaders looked especially nice in their tiny blue Christmas outfits. They now rank 2nd behind the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in the Doombreed Scale Of Sexiest Cheerleader Outfits.
Scant compensation for the loss. Pun intended.
P.s. At least nobody spent $35,000 tonight.