Scientists have created a mathematical formula of how to make the perfect bacon butty.
Experts at Leeds University discovered the secret to the ideal sandwich lay in how crispy and crunchy rashers were.
They found that two or three back bacon rashers should be cooked under a preheated oven grill for seven minutes at about 240C (475F).
The bacon should then be placed between two slices of farmhouse bread, 1cm to 2cm thick.
The bacon butty didn't need perfecting. The bacon butty is already perfect.
Here's a recipe:
Doombreed's perfect bacon butty:
Two slices of bread (any type, at least moderately fresh)
Some bacon (number to taste, but the more the merrier), cooked to taste.
HP brown sauce or Heinz tomato ketchup.
Put cooked bacon on once slice of bread. Add sauce. Put the other slice on top. Eat.
A bacon butty - any bacon butty - is so perfect that even a crap bacon butty is still better than almost any food on the planet.
And don't even get me started on the magnificence that is the chip butty.
Silly scientists pursuing impossible goals..