I was recently tagged by Notorious Apostate to partake in the "What Have You Been Reading?" meme. I have been strenuously avoiding anything approaching hard typing, but I can't put it off any longer. Here's a glimpse into The Horror That Is Doombreed:
1: One book that changed your life:
Billions & Billions by Carl Sagan.
This was Sagan's last book, in fact, he died before he could properly finish it and the afterword was written by his widow. From a lightly humourous look at our global ecosystem in The World That Came In The Mail, to a deceptively simple look at very large numbers in The Persian Chessboard, from a darkly worrying treatise on global warming in Ambush: The Warming Of The World, to a surprisingly hopeful piece on cooperation called Religion and Science: An Alliance, Sagan weaves his magic over science in an eye-opening book of this great man's last thoughts.
The afterword, though, is almost the most powerful part of all. Ann, Sagan's widow, writes a heart-wrenching account of her husband's last days, his courage against adversity and and the simple, overwhelming love they shared, and I, unashamedly, cried the first time I read it.
2: One Book You've Read More Than Once:
Night Watch by Terry Pratchett.
I read most books more than once, but Night Watch probably counts as the one I've read the most. Certainly, it's one of Pratchett's best.
3: One Book You'd Want On A Desert Island
This is a toughie. My first instinct is to cheat and think of a compendium, like The Lord Of The Rings, or The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, or something. Then I think of something silly, like Building A Boat And Getting The Hell Off Of A Desert Island For Dummies. Okay, then I think of being typically me and asking for The Bible so I'll always have firelighters.
Then I settle on The Hunt For Red October by Tom Clancy. I could, and have, read that book over and over and over again.
4: One Book That Made You Giddy:
The Messianic Legacy by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh & Henry Lincoln.
This book made my head spin. The incredible evidence for a 2000 year coverup of the truth about Christianity's origins is just breathtaking.
5: One Book You Wish Had Been Written:
U.S. Road Cav.
In the late eighties, a British company called Games Workshop started to publish novels based around their table-top roleplaying games. Several were printed for Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000, and some were published for a now-defunct game called Dark Future.
The game, set in the near-future, dealt with a blasted, wasted world, ruled over by gangs and the big corporations. The books were, originally, Route 666, Daemon Download, Comeback Tour, and Krokodil Tears, and traced the gathering of forces towards some massive apocalyptic End Of Days style final battle type of thing.
The fifth book in the series was supposed to be U.S. Road Cav, but GW dropped the Dark Future line before it was published.
6: One Book That Wracked You With Sobs:
Apart from Billions & Billions (see above), I would have to say The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings.
Kurik's death, and Talen's subsequent revenge. 'Nuff said.
7: One Book You Wish Had Never Been Written:
The Railway Children by Edith Nesbit.
It's not a bad book, per se, it's just that I was forced to read it at school, and then forced to watch the BBC TV version of it. And now this supremely useless crap is taking up space in my already overtaxed brain.
8: One Book You're Currently Reading:
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
Is there any need for explanation beyond that fact that this is the greatest five-book trilogy ever written?
9: One Book You're Meaning To Read:
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk.
I'm told that the book differs considerably from the movie, so I'm interested in picking up a copy, if I can ever find one.
10: Now Tag Five Bloggers:
(who will hate me for doing so)
3vil g3nius
Simon
Marindazza
And.. I'm out of ideas..
4.9.06
Steve Irwin, RIP
Well, I see the news has spread all over the world. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, was killed whilst swimming off of Australia's north coast.
He was filming a documentary on tiger sharks when a stingray speared him with its barbed tail. He was dead by the time he reached hospital.
This is weird news. I always thought Irwin would go out with a crocodile, or some venomous snake. Stingray attacks are so rare that this marks only the third time in recorded history that a human has died this way.
Contrary to the opinions already being spouted all over the Internet, Irwin wasn't aggravating the stingray in anyway before the incident, according to Australian police who have viewed the footage being filmed at the time. Sadly, it cannot be long before this footage is "leaked" and finds its way onto the Internet, if it hasn't already.
Irwin did for conservation what Carl Sagan did for science. He had an easy way of making things simple, and getting his point across in the clearest possible terms.
Irwin was so loved in Australia that he will receive a state funeral, if that is what his family wants.
A sad loss for the world.
He was filming a documentary on tiger sharks when a stingray speared him with its barbed tail. He was dead by the time he reached hospital.
This is weird news. I always thought Irwin would go out with a crocodile, or some venomous snake. Stingray attacks are so rare that this marks only the third time in recorded history that a human has died this way.
Contrary to the opinions already being spouted all over the Internet, Irwin wasn't aggravating the stingray in anyway before the incident, according to Australian police who have viewed the footage being filmed at the time. Sadly, it cannot be long before this footage is "leaked" and finds its way onto the Internet, if it hasn't already.
Irwin did for conservation what Carl Sagan did for science. He had an easy way of making things simple, and getting his point across in the clearest possible terms.
Irwin was so loved in Australia that he will receive a state funeral, if that is what his family wants.
A sad loss for the world.
Banksy's at it again
Meet Banksy.
He put a caveman rock drawing of a guy with a shopping trolley in the British Museum and it stayed there for 3 days before anyone noticed.
Then he daubed pictures on Israel's Berlin Wall Mk II.
Now he's gone after Paris Hilton and her debut album by swapping the CDs for his own remixed versions.
Quick! Someobody buy that man a beer!
He put a caveman rock drawing of a guy with a shopping trolley in the British Museum and it stayed there for 3 days before anyone noticed.
Then he daubed pictures on Israel's Berlin Wall Mk II.
Now he's gone after Paris Hilton and her debut album by swapping the CDs for his own remixed versions.
Quick! Someobody buy that man a beer!
3.9.06
Snakes On A Plane ... Reality Show?
I was listening to the local radio station yesterday when the DJ made mention of rumours of a new reality show based around the movie Snakes On A Plane.
So, I checked it out and, indeed, Craigslist is sending out an apparently genuine casting call for just such a series:
This is either the dumbest idea in the history of television, or the smartest (or, it's a hoax). I can't decide which.
So, I checked it out and, indeed, Craigslist is sending out an apparently genuine casting call for just such a series:
Synopsis: 20 contestants (10 male/10 female) travel by commercial aircraft to 10 different cities around the world. With the crew and pilots secure, the contestants will share the cabin area with 200 snakes. 5 of the 200 are poisonous. Each flight will be between 5 -12 hours in length. The reward at the end of each flight will be a day spent in luxury visiting the exotic destination city. Contestants can then choose to fly 3 friends out and extend their visit for week, all expense paid OR get back on the flight for the next leg of the competition. If at any time a contestant is bit by any of the 5 poisonous snake, antivenom will be administered and they will be eliminated.
This is either the dumbest idea in the history of television, or the smartest (or, it's a hoax). I can't decide which.
1.9.06
Friday Rodent Blogging
Selene is trying out for the World Box-Chewing Championships. That box was intact thirty-five seconds before the picture was taken.
31.8.06
Ironic, no?
I was about to come on here and write some lyrical praise of my new adopted hometown. Three years I've been living here and, as I was going to post, my impression is, overall, hugely favourable, especially when compared to the hole I used to live in.
And then some fucker keyed our new car.
New car. As in: less than a month old. As in: less than 200 miles on it. As in: tank's only been filled once.
In the colour that my wife, Mrs Doombreed, had to fight to get, because she just loves that particular shade of metallic blue.
Keyed, as in: some fuckhead dragged a key across the rear driver's side door.
Fuck the world.
Mrs Doombreed and I are so pissed right now.
And then some fucker keyed our new car.
New car. As in: less than a month old. As in: less than 200 miles on it. As in: tank's only been filled once.
In the colour that my wife, Mrs Doombreed, had to fight to get, because she just loves that particular shade of metallic blue.
Keyed, as in: some fuckhead dragged a key across the rear driver's side door.
Fuck the world.
Mrs Doombreed and I are so pissed right now.
30.8.06
The Descent
Poor movie. Really poor.
It started out fairly well. But then it went downhill.
The Descent claims to be the goriest movie ever made, and if it wasn't for a little flick called Braindead, I would agree. The gore is huge in this movie, but so over the top that it's just not believable.
We see blood gushing from even the most minor wounds, and one weird scene where there is literally a lake of blood.
There's some rambling sub-plot about marital infidelity and coping with loss, and some largely pointless character development that doesn't do much for the film.
This is not an intelligent horror movie. Nor does it fall into the category of "so bad it's good". But if all you want is a gory movie that occasionally makes you jump, you'll be mostly satisfied.
Doombreed rating: * *
It started out fairly well. But then it went downhill.
The Descent claims to be the goriest movie ever made, and if it wasn't for a little flick called Braindead, I would agree. The gore is huge in this movie, but so over the top that it's just not believable.
We see blood gushing from even the most minor wounds, and one weird scene where there is literally a lake of blood.
There's some rambling sub-plot about marital infidelity and coping with loss, and some largely pointless character development that doesn't do much for the film.
This is not an intelligent horror movie. Nor does it fall into the category of "so bad it's good". But if all you want is a gory movie that occasionally makes you jump, you'll be mostly satisfied.
Doombreed rating: * *
29.8.06
Action Man
Time for a melancholy remembrance.
When I was growing up, I had some toys called Action Man, made by a company called Palitoy.
Action Man was fantastic. England's original action figure, and over the years a multitude of outfits were produced. My favourite was the SAS trooper, but I also had the Space Ranger Captain, a standard "soldier" figure, and, yes, no prejudice here, a WWII German army officer's uniform.
I even had young adult novels about Action Man.
Action Man changed over the years. His hands went from moulded plastic to rubber, so he could grip his stuff. He gained "eagle eyes", movable eyes operated by a lever on the back of his head, and he later gained the ability to speak, albeit via a pull-string operated device with around six or so phrases. He had different hair - all regulation military cut - and sometimes a beard, but always the same scar on his cheek.
Then came Action Force.
Action Force was simply a smaller scale Action Man. A lot of his outfits were represented, including that SAS trooper, which I then had in both scales. I had the Para, the Commando, the Frogman, the Ground Assault (although, one of my friends stole that one), the Mission Pilot, and the SAS Frogman. I also had the AF-3, a jeep with a roof that became a boat.
Later, Action Force was split into four forces. Q-Force, SAS force, Z-Force, and Space Force, and now we had an enemy force, the Red Shadows, led by the infamous Baron Ironblood.
And, it was fun. Their adventures were immortalised in a weekly comic called "Battle Action Force" (which was really an older comic - Battle - with a few Action Force stories thrown in).
Then, it all went to shit.
Action Force changed. Each figure had his own name. Multi-jointed figures who were previously available were repackaged and rebranded. The driver of the SAS jeep was renamed from "Stalker" to "Snake Eyes" and sold on his own. Quarrel, the rider of the Z-Force motorcycle was branded "Scarlett". Hunter was evicted from the Wolverine and replaced by some dude called "Ton-Up". Red Jackal was pulled from his Hyena and, against his will and through a lame storyline, forced to become Destro.
And Baron Ironblood went though the world's most ridiculous transformation to become "Cobra Commander".
Shortly thereafter, Action Force became G.I. Joe: The Action Force, and it wasn't long before they dropped the Action Force bit altogether.
And, like Opal Fruits and Marathon bars, Action Force were swallowed up and destroyed by American marketing gurus determined to rebrand the world in their image.
And just look at what they've done to Action Man!
Still, it's good to see some out there are keeping the faith.
Long live Action Man, and his little brothers, the Action Force. The kids today may not know your glory, but you helped me through my childhood and I'll never forget you.
When I was growing up, I had some toys called Action Man, made by a company called Palitoy.
Action Man was fantastic. England's original action figure, and over the years a multitude of outfits were produced. My favourite was the SAS trooper, but I also had the Space Ranger Captain, a standard "soldier" figure, and, yes, no prejudice here, a WWII German army officer's uniform.
I even had young adult novels about Action Man.
Action Man changed over the years. His hands went from moulded plastic to rubber, so he could grip his stuff. He gained "eagle eyes", movable eyes operated by a lever on the back of his head, and he later gained the ability to speak, albeit via a pull-string operated device with around six or so phrases. He had different hair - all regulation military cut - and sometimes a beard, but always the same scar on his cheek.
Then came Action Force.
Action Force was simply a smaller scale Action Man. A lot of his outfits were represented, including that SAS trooper, which I then had in both scales. I had the Para, the Commando, the Frogman, the Ground Assault (although, one of my friends stole that one), the Mission Pilot, and the SAS Frogman. I also had the AF-3, a jeep with a roof that became a boat.
Later, Action Force was split into four forces. Q-Force, SAS force, Z-Force, and Space Force, and now we had an enemy force, the Red Shadows, led by the infamous Baron Ironblood.
And, it was fun. Their adventures were immortalised in a weekly comic called "Battle Action Force" (which was really an older comic - Battle - with a few Action Force stories thrown in).
Then, it all went to shit.
Action Force changed. Each figure had his own name. Multi-jointed figures who were previously available were repackaged and rebranded. The driver of the SAS jeep was renamed from "Stalker" to "Snake Eyes" and sold on his own. Quarrel, the rider of the Z-Force motorcycle was branded "Scarlett". Hunter was evicted from the Wolverine and replaced by some dude called "Ton-Up". Red Jackal was pulled from his Hyena and, against his will and through a lame storyline, forced to become Destro.
And Baron Ironblood went though the world's most ridiculous transformation to become "Cobra Commander".
Shortly thereafter, Action Force became G.I. Joe: The Action Force, and it wasn't long before they dropped the Action Force bit altogether.
And, like Opal Fruits and Marathon bars, Action Force were swallowed up and destroyed by American marketing gurus determined to rebrand the world in their image.
And just look at what they've done to Action Man!
Still, it's good to see some out there are keeping the faith.
Long live Action Man, and his little brothers, the Action Force. The kids today may not know your glory, but you helped me through my childhood and I'll never forget you.
28.8.06
Go Bengals!
At time of writing, the Bengals are handing a beating to the Green Bay Packers, 48-17, in their third preseason game.
So, with a 19-3 win over the Redskins, and a 44-31 win over the Bills, this makes for a nice precursor to the 2006 season.
And, at time of writing this sentence, the game is over and the 48-17 score is final.
A nice welcome back for our boy Carson Palmer.
So, with a 19-3 win over the Redskins, and a 44-31 win over the Bills, this makes for a nice precursor to the 2006 season.
And, at time of writing this sentence, the game is over and the 48-17 score is final.
A nice welcome back for our boy Carson Palmer.
Pluto vote 'hijacked' in revolt
Okay, remember how, just a few short days ago, astronomers voted to demote Pluto from a planet to a "dwarf planet"?
Well, it seems that some Pluto fans are getting their knickers in a twist over the vote.
And, with all the wearying inevitability of an early England exit from the World Cup, some bugger has decided to take the debate to the bumper.
Well, it seems that some Pluto fans are getting their knickers in a twist over the vote.
And, with all the wearying inevitability of an early England exit from the World Cup, some bugger has decided to take the debate to the bumper.
27.8.06
Invincible
We went to see Invincible today. Now, I'm no NFL fanatic, and I'm certainly no Philadelphia Eagles fan, but I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.
The year is 1976. The Eagles suck hard. They've just finished a horrifically bad season and a new head coach, Dick Vermeil (Greg Kinnear), is brought in to turn the team around.
This movie is the based-around-the-true-story story of Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg), a no-hope, no-shot, 30-year old bartender who turned up to an open try-out and impressed the head coach enough to be invited back to training camp.
Papale showed enough skill and determination that Vermeil gave him a shot in the regular team, and for three seasons, Papale was considered by many to be the heart of the team.
The movie cleverly recreates the actual football games going on in the season in question and the plays are (apparently) fairly well recreated. Some licence has, apparently, been taken with Papale's background and his performance, but Eagle's fans are satisfied with the result.
But more important than that, the movie works. Mrs Doombreed is, as I've mentioned, a Cowboys' fan, and - for those not in the know, the Cowboys are in the same division as the Eagles, and this is a huge rivalry - even she was pulling for Papale.
The movie, as its backdrop, shows how bad things were in Philadelphia at the time and, given that the Eagles were the only thing most people had going for them, why the fans were so angry at their team's performance.
It's a classic "feel-good" movie. It's the story of the underdog makes good, the losers fight back, the people nobody thought could succeed going out and succeeding.
I liked it. I really did.
Doombreed rating: * * * *
The year is 1976. The Eagles suck hard. They've just finished a horrifically bad season and a new head coach, Dick Vermeil (Greg Kinnear), is brought in to turn the team around.
This movie is the based-around-the-true-story story of Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg), a no-hope, no-shot, 30-year old bartender who turned up to an open try-out and impressed the head coach enough to be invited back to training camp.
Papale showed enough skill and determination that Vermeil gave him a shot in the regular team, and for three seasons, Papale was considered by many to be the heart of the team.
The movie cleverly recreates the actual football games going on in the season in question and the plays are (apparently) fairly well recreated. Some licence has, apparently, been taken with Papale's background and his performance, but Eagle's fans are satisfied with the result.
But more important than that, the movie works. Mrs Doombreed is, as I've mentioned, a Cowboys' fan, and - for those not in the know, the Cowboys are in the same division as the Eagles, and this is a huge rivalry - even she was pulling for Papale.
The movie, as its backdrop, shows how bad things were in Philadelphia at the time and, given that the Eagles were the only thing most people had going for them, why the fans were so angry at their team's performance.
It's a classic "feel-good" movie. It's the story of the underdog makes good, the losers fight back, the people nobody thought could succeed going out and succeeding.
I liked it. I really did.
Doombreed rating: * * * *
Catholic Church Gets It Wrong Again
Auntie Beeb carries a story about Artur Boroc, goalie for Celtic, who was cautioned for "offensive behaviour" during a match on the 12th February against Rangers. Boroc made several gestures to the crowd during the match which the Crown Office deemed to have "provoked alarm and crowd trouble and as such constituted a breach of the peace", and said it had taken action "based upon an assessment of behaviour, not one single act, which appeared to be directed at the crowd which was being incited by the behaviour and which caused the police to intervene and calm the crowd".
One of the gestures in question was Boroc crossing himself, the old Catholic "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" routine, which was viewed, along with the other gestures he was making, to be an insult and provocation towards Rangers' largely Protestant fans.
Of course, the Catholic Church went into overdrive and immediately put their foot in their mouth. Apparently, they're having a hissy fit because Boroc was cautioned for using "a gesture" (it was more than one) that is "simply religious in nature" (no, it's more than that, it's specifically Catholic in nature) and that Scotland had made this gesture "an offence" (no, it was the entire performance that was the offence, not just the Catholic gesture).
I guess it's to be expected - martyr complex and all that - but it just seems annoying that they've come out all indignant about their religion - the biggest, richest, most widespread and most powerful religion in the history of the world - being persecuted, especially when the persecution is 100% imaginary.
Still, as I said, it's to be expected, but it doesn't make it any less eyerolling for that.
One of the gestures in question was Boroc crossing himself, the old Catholic "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" routine, which was viewed, along with the other gestures he was making, to be an insult and provocation towards Rangers' largely Protestant fans.
Of course, the Catholic Church went into overdrive and immediately put their foot in their mouth. Apparently, they're having a hissy fit because Boroc was cautioned for using "a gesture" (it was more than one) that is "simply religious in nature" (no, it's more than that, it's specifically Catholic in nature) and that Scotland had made this gesture "an offence" (no, it was the entire performance that was the offence, not just the Catholic gesture).
I guess it's to be expected - martyr complex and all that - but it just seems annoying that they've come out all indignant about their religion - the biggest, richest, most widespread and most powerful religion in the history of the world - being persecuted, especially when the persecution is 100% imaginary.
Still, as I said, it's to be expected, but it doesn't make it any less eyerolling for that.
26.8.06
Friday Rodent Blogging
Selene auditions for a part in next summer's blockbuster hit movie: Gerbils On A Plane. Samuel L. Jackson has not, at time of writing, signed on for this project.
25.8.06
The Votes Are In..
..and Pluto is no longer a planet.
Apparently, a group of astronomers got together in Prague and decided that we only have eight planets in our solar system.
Well, not quite. Pluto is the first celestial body to be included in a new category called "dwarf planets". So we have eight and one half planets.
Well, not quite. Pluto is joined by a rock which glorys in the name 2003 UB313, another big rock called Ceres, and Charon, Pluto's moon.
So eight and four half planets.
Quite what this does to the elegant mouse that sits under new potatoes remains to be seen.
Apparently, a group of astronomers got together in Prague and decided that we only have eight planets in our solar system.
Well, not quite. Pluto is the first celestial body to be included in a new category called "dwarf planets". So we have eight and one half planets.
Well, not quite. Pluto is joined by a rock which glorys in the name 2003 UB313, another big rock called Ceres, and Charon, Pluto's moon.
So eight and four half planets.
Quite what this does to the elegant mouse that sits under new potatoes remains to be seen.
24.8.06
China acts on funeral strippers
Okay, interesting news from China. Apparently it's quite common in some areas to have strippers at a funeral.
Nope, This is not a joke. Apparently, local belief is that the more people attend your funeral, the more you are honoured. Get some hot young things taking off their clothes, and people will attend. Seems logical, right?
Well, that's not the news. Lately, the Chinese authorities have been cracking down on what they call "obscene performances" (yeah, now why does that sound familiar?) and have banned them.
In a sadly usual non-twist, authorities are also encouraging people to snitch on their neighbours and have set up a hotline to allow them to do so with ease.
Because, as we all know, consenting adults watching consenting adults taking their clothes off is the single worst thing that can happen to a person.
Nope, This is not a joke. Apparently, local belief is that the more people attend your funeral, the more you are honoured. Get some hot young things taking off their clothes, and people will attend. Seems logical, right?
Well, that's not the news. Lately, the Chinese authorities have been cracking down on what they call "obscene performances" (yeah, now why does that sound familiar?) and have banned them.
In a sadly usual non-twist, authorities are also encouraging people to snitch on their neighbours and have set up a hotline to allow them to do so with ease.
Because, as we all know, consenting adults watching consenting adults taking their clothes off is the single worst thing that can happen to a person.
22.8.06
Snakes On A Plane
Yes, Mrs Doombreed and I went to see Snakes On A Plane today.
First, let's talk about what's wrong with the movie:
...
Okay, now we turn to what's right.
Everything.
This movie is unashamedly entertaining. The plot is, as far as it goes, pretty good. The characters are largely believable. The script is okay. The acting is okay.
But all of that is irrelevant. There are snakes on a plane. Snakes, to quote the man himself, on crack on a plane.
I really didn't think they made movies like this anymore. This was 100%, pure, unadulterated, unapologetic eye candy. The snakes were beautifully done. The deaths were shocking and horrific. There were multiple jump points. There was Samuel L. Jackson uttering the immortal line about motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. There was no juvenile humour, no treating us, the audience, as too dumb to appreciate a good movie.
There were, sure, nitpicks. There was virtually no character development for many of the main characters. Jackson's character was an FBI agent. Just an FBI agent. He wasn't "the country's top FBI agent", he wasn't "an FBI agent on the eve of retirement", he wasn't "an FBI agent burned out from everything he's witnessed", he wasn't a Gulf War veteran, or a racist learning to appreciate white folk, he wasn't divorced* (we don't even know if he was married), he didn't have estranged kids he was lamenting over, he didn't have a drug or booze problem, there was no seeking redemption, no life-affirming voyages of self-discovery.
And, y'know, that's a refreshing change.
This movie has no chance of winning an Oscar, and will probably not get a single nomination. It makes no social comment, no big point. It doesn't deal with issues in a sensible, mature way. It does not explore the human condition, the boundaries of mind, the interaction of intellect, innerspace, the soul, karma, or the development of being. It makes no statement about the state of the world. It deals with nothing, tackles nothing.
It is one hundred and five minutes of pure cinematic entertainment.
You will be startled. You will be scared. You will be horrified. You will be grossed out. But you will be entertained.
Doombreed rating: * * * * * * (the elusive sixth star. This movie is that good)
*EDIT: Thanks to the diligence of Mrs Doombreed, I'm able to correct this before someone points it out. In fact, Jackson's character does state that he and his partner had been working together through "one failed marriage - each", so he was married and then divorced, but, unlike in, say, 16 blocks, this was a throwaway line and not central to the character.
First, let's talk about what's wrong with the movie:
...
Okay, now we turn to what's right.
Everything.
This movie is unashamedly entertaining. The plot is, as far as it goes, pretty good. The characters are largely believable. The script is okay. The acting is okay.
But all of that is irrelevant. There are snakes on a plane. Snakes, to quote the man himself, on crack on a plane.
I really didn't think they made movies like this anymore. This was 100%, pure, unadulterated, unapologetic eye candy. The snakes were beautifully done. The deaths were shocking and horrific. There were multiple jump points. There was Samuel L. Jackson uttering the immortal line about motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. There was no juvenile humour, no treating us, the audience, as too dumb to appreciate a good movie.
There were, sure, nitpicks. There was virtually no character development for many of the main characters. Jackson's character was an FBI agent. Just an FBI agent. He wasn't "the country's top FBI agent", he wasn't "an FBI agent on the eve of retirement", he wasn't "an FBI agent burned out from everything he's witnessed", he wasn't a Gulf War veteran, or a racist learning to appreciate white folk, he wasn't divorced* (we don't even know if he was married), he didn't have estranged kids he was lamenting over, he didn't have a drug or booze problem, there was no seeking redemption, no life-affirming voyages of self-discovery.
And, y'know, that's a refreshing change.
This movie has no chance of winning an Oscar, and will probably not get a single nomination. It makes no social comment, no big point. It doesn't deal with issues in a sensible, mature way. It does not explore the human condition, the boundaries of mind, the interaction of intellect, innerspace, the soul, karma, or the development of being. It makes no statement about the state of the world. It deals with nothing, tackles nothing.
It is one hundred and five minutes of pure cinematic entertainment.
You will be startled. You will be scared. You will be horrified. You will be grossed out. But you will be entertained.
Doombreed rating: * * * * * * (the elusive sixth star. This movie is that good)
*EDIT: Thanks to the diligence of Mrs Doombreed, I'm able to correct this before someone points it out. In fact, Jackson's character does state that he and his partner had been working together through "one failed marriage - each", so he was married and then divorced, but, unlike in, say, 16 blocks, this was a throwaway line and not central to the character.
30 pieces of wisdom to live by
Via email:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager
Some time ago, I linked to a blog called "My Boring Best" (and, in an unforgivable oversight, forgot to add said blog to my blogroll), concerning a post about "Jimmigration".
Well, Jim has done it again, this time with a link to a hilarious short called "Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager"
Stop whatever you are doing, click that link, and go watch it.
Go.
Go now.
Well, Jim has done it again, this time with a link to a hilarious short called "Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager"
Stop whatever you are doing, click that link, and go watch it.
Go.
Go now.
20.8.06
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
The Flying Spaghetti Monster, apparently feeling left out of all of the appearing-in-random-pieces-of-crap that various other deities are doing, decided to top them all with this amazing display.Truly, we are all touched by His Noodly Appendage.
Ramen.
Hat tip to Princess Buttercup at AP.
Motherf**king Snakes on a Motherf**king Plane!
Below is a clip from The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, where Samuel L. Jackson guests to promote yesterday's hottest release, Snakes On A Plane:
There is something very encouraging in seeing an actor as enthusiastic for a role as Mr Jackson is.
Snakes On A Plane has spawned a veritable cornucopia of movies on YouTube, ranging from the bad to the worse. From parody trailers like Alligators On A Escalator (sic) to shorts like Snakes In A Van, to the just plain weird Snakes on a Plane! (parody). But, as always, the best will be the one which draws on outdated computergame references and comes up with All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us.
There is something very encouraging in seeing an actor as enthusiastic for a role as Mr Jackson is.
Snakes On A Plane has spawned a veritable cornucopia of movies on YouTube, ranging from the bad to the worse. From parody trailers like Alligators On A Escalator (sic) to shorts like Snakes In A Van, to the just plain weird Snakes on a Plane! (parody). But, as always, the best will be the one which draws on outdated computergame references and comes up with All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us.
19.8.06
Friday Rodent Blogging
Selene tours her kingdom in the Rolling Ball Of Death, the chariot from which she will be launching her campaign of world domination.
17.8.06
A year of being Legal
One year ago to the day, I posted this.
Yep, that's right. My blog is, today, one year old. One year of my peculiar brand of wierdness going out into the world. One year of jokes, links, rants, pictures of rodents, new bits, old bits, funny stuff, and not-so-funny stuff.
I appear to have attracted a few regular readers. Certainly, a few of the same locations keep on popping up on the mapstats page.
That's right, Big Brother is alive, and his name is Doom.
I know that at least one would be one or other of my mates in England, who apparently miss me so much they need to check up on my blog for all the news.
Well, regular readers or not, I'd like to thank you for tuning in and wasting your time here. We know you have a choice when you waste time, so thank you for choosing us.
A big thanks to Shadow Blog, Englishman Turning American, Bligby, Diamond Geezer, and 3vil g3nius, all of whom either have me in their blogrolls or have linked to me for one reason or another.
Here's to many more years to come.
Yep, that's right. My blog is, today, one year old. One year of my peculiar brand of wierdness going out into the world. One year of jokes, links, rants, pictures of rodents, new bits, old bits, funny stuff, and not-so-funny stuff.
I appear to have attracted a few regular readers. Certainly, a few of the same locations keep on popping up on the mapstats page.
That's right, Big Brother is alive, and his name is Doom.
I know that at least one would be one or other of my mates in England, who apparently miss me so much they need to check up on my blog for all the news.
Well, regular readers or not, I'd like to thank you for tuning in and wasting your time here. We know you have a choice when you waste time, so thank you for choosing us.
A big thanks to Shadow Blog, Englishman Turning American, Bligby, Diamond Geezer, and 3vil g3nius, all of whom either have me in their blogrolls or have linked to me for one reason or another.
Here's to many more years to come.
16.8.06
Absence of evidence
Note: This post was started a few weeks ago, and then consigned to the 'save as draft' graveyard. A conversation at work prompted me to drag it out and finish it.
Doom.
I caught the tail end of a programme on WLJC, the religious network, concerning humans and dinosaurs coexisting.
At first, it was promising. A guest, one Dr Kurt Wise, was talking to the host, one Dwight Nelson. Nelson asked Wise about what evidence existed concerning this idea. Wise was clear - no such evidence exists. He even went as far as to shoot down some of the more famous creationist trophies - supposed evidence of human/dinosaur coexistence which are usually faked or are badly misinterpreted bits of rock - with casual ease.
But then came the change that I should really have known was coming.
This paleontologist, this alleged man of science, then went on to explain that the total lack of evidence is irrelevant because there is 'scriptural evidence' of coexistence. As if that means anything.
But what evidence? The bible never mentions dinosaurs. Ever. Not even once. That big huge frikkin' lizards were stomping around the landscape warrants not a single line in this book that is supposed to account the entire history of the world. And that, it's plain to see, is because dinosaurs were unknown when it was written. Just like science fiction of a hundred-or-so years ago often depicted people walking around on the moon breathing freely. Science just did not know there was no atmosphere up there, just as the writers of the manuscripts that became the bible were unaware of the huge and varied history of the Earth.
Wise's argument was typically theistic.
We know that the dinosaurs existed once. We know that they no longer do. Ergo, they died out. Death didn't exist in the world until humans committed sin. Ergo, dinosaurs and humans must have existed together.
Never mind that there is no actual, real, scientific evidence of such a coexistence, never mind that the very scriptures he is relying on make no mention of such a coexistence.
However, I don't want to waste time debunking this piece of idiotic non-logic. What I wanted to write about connects both of the two points in the paragraph above, that of lack of evidence.
'Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence' is the psuedo-scientific 'rule' which is often quoted, especially when retorting to the charge that the evidence does not support the coexistence assertion.
The problem is that it's true - sort of. The way it was taught to me at school was 'absence of proof is not proof of absence.'
The difference is vastly important. Scientists must be cautious of tossing around the word 'proof' too easily. Proof is something science rarely deals with. Science most often simply works on evidence.
As a good example, consider the solar system. Whilst science has gathered so much evidence that the sun is in the centre and the planets - including the Earth - orbit around it that it would be perverse in the extreme to claim anything else, science has not yet 'proved' this to be true. The orbital model of the solar system is a theory. A theory which is supported by a mountain of extremely persuasive evidence and backed up by every possible observation, but a theory nonetheless.
So, does absence of evidence ever mean anything?
Yes. Oh yes. Often, absence of evidence can be every bit as meaningful as the presence of evidence, especially when one can reasonably expect to find such.
For example, as above, The Bible is supposed to be an accounting of the entire history of the world. We know dinosaurs existed, so if both are true, one has a reasonable expectation that these creatures would be mentioned somewhere. Anywhere. Big lizards. Big honking lizards. Big honking lizards, some of which would view humans as a tasty snack. Big honking lizards eating people and crushing things every time they sit down. Oh yeah, we can be reasonably sure that any real eyewitness account of the history of the planet would mention a few of those.
Or the event that - theory has it - wiped them out. We have proof that, many thousands of years ago, this planet often got hit by Very Large Rocks From Space. Some of these VLRFSs were so huge that the dust and ash the impact threw up blotted out the sun for months.
And the bible does not mention these.
On a more scientific note, absence of evidence is meaningful in many ways. When using an ammeter to measure electric current, a measurement of 0 amps is taken to mean 'no current is flowing'. Nobody in their right mind would declare 'there may or may not be a current which we cannot detect for some reason (possibly through Intelligent Electron Moving) so we cannot say for certain that there is no current.'
No, there's no current. Get over it.
There is a complete lack of evidence for a trillion-ton bar of chocolate orbiting Saturn. Should we assume, just to be on the safe side, that such a chocolate bar exists?
This post is dedicated to the Invisible Pink Unicorn, bless her holy hooves.
Doom.
I caught the tail end of a programme on WLJC, the religious network, concerning humans and dinosaurs coexisting.
At first, it was promising. A guest, one Dr Kurt Wise, was talking to the host, one Dwight Nelson. Nelson asked Wise about what evidence existed concerning this idea. Wise was clear - no such evidence exists. He even went as far as to shoot down some of the more famous creationist trophies - supposed evidence of human/dinosaur coexistence which are usually faked or are badly misinterpreted bits of rock - with casual ease.
But then came the change that I should really have known was coming.
This paleontologist, this alleged man of science, then went on to explain that the total lack of evidence is irrelevant because there is 'scriptural evidence' of coexistence. As if that means anything.
But what evidence? The bible never mentions dinosaurs. Ever. Not even once. That big huge frikkin' lizards were stomping around the landscape warrants not a single line in this book that is supposed to account the entire history of the world. And that, it's plain to see, is because dinosaurs were unknown when it was written. Just like science fiction of a hundred-or-so years ago often depicted people walking around on the moon breathing freely. Science just did not know there was no atmosphere up there, just as the writers of the manuscripts that became the bible were unaware of the huge and varied history of the Earth.
Wise's argument was typically theistic.
We know that the dinosaurs existed once. We know that they no longer do. Ergo, they died out. Death didn't exist in the world until humans committed sin. Ergo, dinosaurs and humans must have existed together.
Never mind that there is no actual, real, scientific evidence of such a coexistence, never mind that the very scriptures he is relying on make no mention of such a coexistence.
However, I don't want to waste time debunking this piece of idiotic non-logic. What I wanted to write about connects both of the two points in the paragraph above, that of lack of evidence.
'Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence' is the psuedo-scientific 'rule' which is often quoted, especially when retorting to the charge that the evidence does not support the coexistence assertion.
The problem is that it's true - sort of. The way it was taught to me at school was 'absence of proof is not proof of absence.'
The difference is vastly important. Scientists must be cautious of tossing around the word 'proof' too easily. Proof is something science rarely deals with. Science most often simply works on evidence.
As a good example, consider the solar system. Whilst science has gathered so much evidence that the sun is in the centre and the planets - including the Earth - orbit around it that it would be perverse in the extreme to claim anything else, science has not yet 'proved' this to be true. The orbital model of the solar system is a theory. A theory which is supported by a mountain of extremely persuasive evidence and backed up by every possible observation, but a theory nonetheless.
So, does absence of evidence ever mean anything?
Yes. Oh yes. Often, absence of evidence can be every bit as meaningful as the presence of evidence, especially when one can reasonably expect to find such.
For example, as above, The Bible is supposed to be an accounting of the entire history of the world. We know dinosaurs existed, so if both are true, one has a reasonable expectation that these creatures would be mentioned somewhere. Anywhere. Big lizards. Big honking lizards. Big honking lizards, some of which would view humans as a tasty snack. Big honking lizards eating people and crushing things every time they sit down. Oh yeah, we can be reasonably sure that any real eyewitness account of the history of the planet would mention a few of those.
Or the event that - theory has it - wiped them out. We have proof that, many thousands of years ago, this planet often got hit by Very Large Rocks From Space. Some of these VLRFSs were so huge that the dust and ash the impact threw up blotted out the sun for months.
And the bible does not mention these.
On a more scientific note, absence of evidence is meaningful in many ways. When using an ammeter to measure electric current, a measurement of 0 amps is taken to mean 'no current is flowing'. Nobody in their right mind would declare 'there may or may not be a current which we cannot detect for some reason (possibly through Intelligent Electron Moving) so we cannot say for certain that there is no current.'
No, there's no current. Get over it.
There is a complete lack of evidence for a trillion-ton bar of chocolate orbiting Saturn. Should we assume, just to be on the safe side, that such a chocolate bar exists?
This post is dedicated to the Invisible Pink Unicorn, bless her holy hooves.
15.8.06
Gimme Your Stuff
Gimme Your Stuff is a fascinating blog about people from different countries swapping stuff with each other.
The lastest trade was between Japan and New Jersey, before that, England and Illinois. People just put stuff up for trade, virtually anything and everything. Okay, it's mostly candy, but there are some awesome trades like when Dave from Perth and Lisa from New York exchanged beers.
Can there be a higher calling for a website than the free and frank exchange of beer?
The lastest trade was between Japan and New Jersey, before that, England and Illinois. People just put stuff up for trade, virtually anything and everything. Okay, it's mostly candy, but there are some awesome trades like when Dave from Perth and Lisa from New York exchanged beers.
Can there be a higher calling for a website than the free and frank exchange of beer?
Pulse
We went to see Pulse yesterday, and it was good.
It's basically your "technology comes back to bite us in the arse" storyline, but from a fresh angle.
On friday, Josh (Jonathan Tucker) killed himself. Two days later, he sends his friends a message.
Yep, that's in the trailer. And it gets wierder from there.
Things - and they can only be described as "things" - are appearing and sucking the life out of people. It seems to be related to something Josh found whilst hacking another computer, and, from there, to some experiments being run with a new communications system.
What sets this apart from similar movies is the global horror. This isn't just one set of kids being terrorised, nor one town, or one city. These things are everywhere. The whole human race is under attack.
The effects are outstanding. The acting's about as good as can be expected.
Okay, so there's the good.
Here's the bad:
The story seems to move in fits and starts. It's almost like somebody made a great 3-hour movie and then let a monkey edit it down to an hour and a half. And there's Dexter (Ian Somerhalder) who just appears in the middle of the movie. The only background we get on him is that he bought Josh's computer. But why he then joins the group is glossed over.
The movie shows a bleak vision of humanity faced with an enemy we can't fight, forced to run and hide.
Fill up on the red tape.
This movie is unpopular with a lot of people because it requires some thought. You have to understand where the creatures are coming from, what they want, what they do to you, why they can't be fought, and just what this means for humanity.
Be prepared for something like Resident Evil or Silent Hill, but with a few more book smarts.
Doombreed rating: * * * *
Spoiler (highlight to read):
The creatures are using the signal from the Wi-Fi system to move about. So, at the end, when the narrator explains that the cities belong to the creatures, and the humans are left in the "dead zones" between them, one can't help but wonder whether any of the military dudes we see have ever heard of an EMP weapon, which would completely neutralise the system for long enough to manually destroy the towers.
Hell, even a relatively small nuke (by modern standards) exploded in the atmosphere would produce an electronics-frying EMP pulse over much of the continental United States.
Okay, so nuking home is a little bit of a drastic measure, but to prevent the creatures from killing the entire world? Yeah, I'd take whatever crap one bomb would make.
It's basically your "technology comes back to bite us in the arse" storyline, but from a fresh angle.
On friday, Josh (Jonathan Tucker) killed himself. Two days later, he sends his friends a message.
Yep, that's in the trailer. And it gets wierder from there.
Things - and they can only be described as "things" - are appearing and sucking the life out of people. It seems to be related to something Josh found whilst hacking another computer, and, from there, to some experiments being run with a new communications system.
What sets this apart from similar movies is the global horror. This isn't just one set of kids being terrorised, nor one town, or one city. These things are everywhere. The whole human race is under attack.
The effects are outstanding. The acting's about as good as can be expected.
Okay, so there's the good.
Here's the bad:
The story seems to move in fits and starts. It's almost like somebody made a great 3-hour movie and then let a monkey edit it down to an hour and a half. And there's Dexter (Ian Somerhalder) who just appears in the middle of the movie. The only background we get on him is that he bought Josh's computer. But why he then joins the group is glossed over.
The movie shows a bleak vision of humanity faced with an enemy we can't fight, forced to run and hide.
Fill up on the red tape.
This movie is unpopular with a lot of people because it requires some thought. You have to understand where the creatures are coming from, what they want, what they do to you, why they can't be fought, and just what this means for humanity.
Be prepared for something like Resident Evil or Silent Hill, but with a few more book smarts.
Doombreed rating: * * * *
Spoiler (highlight to read):
The creatures are using the signal from the Wi-Fi system to move about. So, at the end, when the narrator explains that the cities belong to the creatures, and the humans are left in the "dead zones" between them, one can't help but wonder whether any of the military dudes we see have ever heard of an EMP weapon, which would completely neutralise the system for long enough to manually destroy the towers.
Hell, even a relatively small nuke (by modern standards) exploded in the atmosphere would produce an electronics-frying EMP pulse over much of the continental United States.
Okay, so nuking home is a little bit of a drastic measure, but to prevent the creatures from killing the entire world? Yeah, I'd take whatever crap one bomb would make.
13.8.06
Public Service Announcement
Ah, this is fun.
Microsoft have discovered a wee bug in its lastest operating systems which can allow hackers to take complete and utter control of your computer with almost laughable ease. Nice.
If you're running Windows 2000 or later, amble on over to the MS update page and download at your leisure.
Of course, if you're one of the tinfoil hat brigade, you might be intertested to know that the US Department of Homeland Security advises the installation of these updates ASAP.
Oh dear, I can hear conspiracy theorists' heads popping all over the nation..
Microsoft have discovered a wee bug in its lastest operating systems which can allow hackers to take complete and utter control of your computer with almost laughable ease. Nice.
If you're running Windows 2000 or later, amble on over to the MS update page and download at your leisure.
Of course, if you're one of the tinfoil hat brigade, you might be intertested to know that the US Department of Homeland Security advises the installation of these updates ASAP.
Oh dear, I can hear conspiracy theorists' heads popping all over the nation..
David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff - "Jump In My Car"
It's late, so here's today's lame link:
"Jump In My Car" is what appears to be a sometimes unintentionally funny video by the original slo-mo runner himself, David Hasselhoff.
It also features KITT.
We like KITT, here at Legal Alien.
Yes, we like The Hoff, too, but if you tell anyone we said so, we may have to kill you.
The Hoff has a pretty successful singing career in, of all places, Germany. Anyone who, after watching this video, still does not know why his career never took off in America or England needs to report to their nearest re-education facility for an immediate session with a cricket bat.
Hat tip to Justin.
"Jump In My Car" is what appears to be a sometimes unintentionally funny video by the original slo-mo runner himself, David Hasselhoff.
It also features KITT.
We like KITT, here at Legal Alien.
Yes, we like The Hoff, too, but if you tell anyone we said so, we may have to kill you.
The Hoff has a pretty successful singing career in, of all places, Germany. Anyone who, after watching this video, still does not know why his career never took off in America or England needs to report to their nearest re-education facility for an immediate session with a cricket bat.
Hat tip to Justin.
11.8.06
10.8.06
24 held in terror plot
I guess I can't blog today without mentioning the situation in England.
I heard the news from a coworker this morning, and then checked the Beeb to get the details, because the US television news is collectively soiling itself. The coverage of these events is near-hysterical and often contradictory. I caught a report on FOX which claimed that the terrorists had been apprehended sitting on the 'planes with the bombs in their luggage!
I even caught the tail end of a report about how people at some airport (whose name I did not catch) were being searched at security but not before getting on the 'plane. This, claimed the anchor, meant that people could - gasp - buy things on the concourse and take them on the 'plane! It makes a mockery of security!
(Unless one is resonably sure that the shops in the airport aren't selling explosives. I dunno. Maybe American airports have more than the usual duty-frees.)
The US color-coded terror alert chart thingy is up to red for the first time ever.
I trust my countrymen (and women) are taking the developments with our customary calm and unruffledness (is that a word? It is now) and aren't spending the night jumping at shadows.
P.s. is anyone else seeing the strange side here?
Pre-9/11 Al Qaeda were known more for their own-goals than anything else. They used all the down and dirty bomb tricks. Trucks with fertiliser bombs, grenades on alarm clocks, stolen explosives, mining or industrial explosives. They were strictly IED.
Now they're coordinating massive plots involving dozens of individuals and hard-to-detect liquid explosives?
This is some James Bond shit, here. A far cry from one idiot trying to set fire to his shoes.
I heard the news from a coworker this morning, and then checked the Beeb to get the details, because the US television news is collectively soiling itself. The coverage of these events is near-hysterical and often contradictory. I caught a report on FOX which claimed that the terrorists had been apprehended sitting on the 'planes with the bombs in their luggage!
I even caught the tail end of a report about how people at some airport (whose name I did not catch) were being searched at security but not before getting on the 'plane. This, claimed the anchor, meant that people could - gasp - buy things on the concourse and take them on the 'plane! It makes a mockery of security!
(Unless one is resonably sure that the shops in the airport aren't selling explosives. I dunno. Maybe American airports have more than the usual duty-frees.)
The US color-coded terror alert chart thingy is up to red for the first time ever.
I trust my countrymen (and women) are taking the developments with our customary calm and unruffledness (is that a word? It is now) and aren't spending the night jumping at shadows.
P.s. is anyone else seeing the strange side here?
Pre-9/11 Al Qaeda were known more for their own-goals than anything else. They used all the down and dirty bomb tricks. Trucks with fertiliser bombs, grenades on alarm clocks, stolen explosives, mining or industrial explosives. They were strictly IED.
Now they're coordinating massive plots involving dozens of individuals and hard-to-detect liquid explosives?
This is some James Bond shit, here. A far cry from one idiot trying to set fire to his shoes.
There are atheists in foxholes
A recent edition of the comic strip Doonesbury repeated a popular saying amongst Christians, nameley that "there are no atheists in foxholes".
The saying is supposed to mean that atheist turn to God when it really matters. I guess it's taken as confirmation of the oft-stated position that atheists know that God is real, but refuse to acknowledge him.
Now, personally, if I knew that God were real, and that my lack of belief were damning me to an eternity of hellfire, I wouldn't be an atheist.
But I know God is not real, so I am.
This position is echoed by the spurious tales of atheist's deathbead conversions. As an example, Christian apologists to this day tell the tale of how noted scientist, popular television personality, and gentle atheist Carl Sagan turned to God in his final hours.
Which would be a harsh indictment of atheism if it were true. Anyone who believes it should read Billions & Billions, the book Sagan was writing when he died. The final chapter was written by Sagan's widow, and is an emotional account of her husband's final days. She even mentions the death-bed conversion fantasies that she's heard since his death.
But the fact that these stories aren't true - and the "atheists in foxholes" is disproved by the military group called, believe it or not, "Atheists In Foxholes", and there is even a nice monument to Godless soldiers - hides a deeper problem.
If the "atheists in foxholes line" were true, then it says way more about Christians than it does about atheists.
A battlefield is the most stressful, horrific place possible. Placing a person in such a position, where their death is both horrific and, quite probably, horrifically imminent, leads to almost unimaginable stress. There's a reason PTSD is common amongst veterans.
So, what the saying means is that, an atheist, placed in the most stressful position imaginable, under mind-numbing stress and bowel-loosening terror, becomes that which a Christian is in the comfort of their own armchair.
An atheist, robbed of his mental faculties, becomes a theist.
Yeah, that's not something I'd be smug about, were I a christian.
The saying is supposed to mean that atheist turn to God when it really matters. I guess it's taken as confirmation of the oft-stated position that atheists know that God is real, but refuse to acknowledge him.
Now, personally, if I knew that God were real, and that my lack of belief were damning me to an eternity of hellfire, I wouldn't be an atheist.
But I know God is not real, so I am.
This position is echoed by the spurious tales of atheist's deathbead conversions. As an example, Christian apologists to this day tell the tale of how noted scientist, popular television personality, and gentle atheist Carl Sagan turned to God in his final hours.
Which would be a harsh indictment of atheism if it were true. Anyone who believes it should read Billions & Billions, the book Sagan was writing when he died. The final chapter was written by Sagan's widow, and is an emotional account of her husband's final days. She even mentions the death-bed conversion fantasies that she's heard since his death.
But the fact that these stories aren't true - and the "atheists in foxholes" is disproved by the military group called, believe it or not, "Atheists In Foxholes", and there is even a nice monument to Godless soldiers - hides a deeper problem.
If the "atheists in foxholes line" were true, then it says way more about Christians than it does about atheists.
A battlefield is the most stressful, horrific place possible. Placing a person in such a position, where their death is both horrific and, quite probably, horrifically imminent, leads to almost unimaginable stress. There's a reason PTSD is common amongst veterans.
So, what the saying means is that, an atheist, placed in the most stressful position imaginable, under mind-numbing stress and bowel-loosening terror, becomes that which a Christian is in the comfort of their own armchair.
An atheist, robbed of his mental faculties, becomes a theist.
Yeah, that's not something I'd be smug about, were I a christian.
Troops in Iraq 'under-equipped'
From the Beeb comes the not-so-staggering news that British troops in Iraq are 'under-equipped':
Yes, this is worrying. Our boys are out fighting a war, and they're getting stiffed on the bill.
But this is not new. British forces are always underequipped and overstretched. The bean counters always expect the troops to do a full day's work on a half day's pay. It's been like that for centuries.
And yet, the troops always do what the British army does best, they make do and come out on top, which is why the bean counters get away with it.
Of course they weren't. The Land Rover was designed as a light transport. Resisting explosions requires either loading it up with so much armour that it can't move or, for preference, using a vehicle designed for the bloody job. Like, oh, I don't know, those frikkin' AFVs that the army is supposed to have.
But no, Land Rovers are cheaper to buy and run, so Land Rovers we'll use.
But will they?
How many more families will have to lose their sons and brothers because the MoD wants to save a few quid?
British troops fighting in Iraq are under-equipped and overstretched, a group of MPs has warned.
The all-party defence committee said the soldiers needed more helicopters and better-protected patrol vehicles to shield them from roadside bombs.
Committe members visited Iraq in June and said they were disturbed by the deficiencies they had seen.
Yes, this is worrying. Our boys are out fighting a war, and they're getting stiffed on the bill.
But this is not new. British forces are always underequipped and overstretched. The bean counters always expect the troops to do a full day's work on a half day's pay. It's been like that for centuries.
And yet, the troops always do what the British army does best, they make do and come out on top, which is why the bean counters get away with it.
The MPs were particularly concerned with the use of Snatch Land Rovers, which have been deemed 'ineffective' against the more sophisticated roadside bombs.
Mr Browne ordered an urgent review of them after a number of soldiers were killed.
Colonel Bob Stewart, who was a British commander with the UN forces during the civil war in Bosnia, agreed with the committee about the Land Rovers.
'It's been appalling that so many of our soldiers have suffered as a result of roadside bombs and these Snatch Land Rovers,' he said.
'The Land Rovers were not designed for the job they're doing now.'
Of course they weren't. The Land Rover was designed as a light transport. Resisting explosions requires either loading it up with so much armour that it can't move or, for preference, using a vehicle designed for the bloody job. Like, oh, I don't know, those frikkin' AFVs that the army is supposed to have.
But no, Land Rovers are cheaper to buy and run, so Land Rovers we'll use.
Liberal Democrat defence spokesman Nick Harvey said equipment and capability shortages in Iraq could 'prove fatal and must be urgently addressed'.
But will they?
How many more families will have to lose their sons and brothers because the MoD wants to save a few quid?
8.8.06
Advice for a NonRaptured World
Advice for a NonRaptured World is a website that's causing me some frowning.
It's dedicated to giving advice on how the rest of us can survive when Jesus returns and raptures all the good Christians to heaven with him.
It includes advice on inheriting from someone who has been raptured (although, inhereting from someone who is not dead might pose some problems, no?) and tips on which stocks and shares will increase in value in a world run by the AntiChrist.
What's causing the frowning is the question:
Is this for real or is this a parody?
In the light of certain equally whacky sites - like the godhates series and The Rapture Index - it seems possible.
But really??
It's dedicated to giving advice on how the rest of us can survive when Jesus returns and raptures all the good Christians to heaven with him.
It includes advice on inheriting from someone who has been raptured (although, inhereting from someone who is not dead might pose some problems, no?) and tips on which stocks and shares will increase in value in a world run by the AntiChrist.
What's causing the frowning is the question:
Is this for real or is this a parody?
In the light of certain equally whacky sites - like the godhates series and The Rapture Index - it seems possible.
But really??
7.8.06
Wierd News
Long-standing, science-hating, evidence-denying, fundy nutbar Pat Robertson reverses his position on Global Warming.
Okay, so it's not exactly news news, having happened late last week, but still..
What is going on?
Okay, so it's not exactly news news, having happened late last week, but still..
What is going on?
Remember, remember..
Here are some awesome V for Vendetta goodies.
And some Snakes On A Plane stuff.
Not to mention some great The Da Vinci Code stuff. I especially like the Illuminati ambigram shirt.
Yes, today is my day to introduce you to shit you don't need, shouldn't buy, but want to anyway.
Here is a better version, IMO, of the ambigram.
And some Snakes On A Plane stuff.
Not to mention some great The Da Vinci Code stuff. I especially like the Illuminati ambigram shirt.
Yes, today is my day to introduce you to shit you don't need, shouldn't buy, but want to anyway.
Here is a better version, IMO, of the ambigram.
6.8.06
Oh Dear...
| Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 64% |
 Your job is a total bummer, and probably the worst job you've ever had. Your co-workers stink. Your boss is a jerk. And your company is probably in trouble. Think about finding a new job quickly, even if it's just a not-so-great transition job. You've got to get out of there as quickly as you can! |
5.8.06
3.8.06
V for Vendetta
Mmmm.. Mrs Doombreed just bought me a copy of V for Vendetta on DVD.
Special, two disc version, no less. I'll lose myself for a few hours watching that, no doubt.
Special, two disc version, no less. I'll lose myself for a few hours watching that, no doubt.
2.8.06
Evolution’s foes lose ground in Kansas
MSNBC reports on the good news that actual science is pulling ahead of superstition in one of the key battlegrounds for the future of American education.
The Kansas state Board Of Education, which approved changes to the state's teaching standards that basically redefined science to allow for the teaching of the so-called Intelligent Design Theory, changed slightly, becoming more middle-of-the-road, and several members who openly fought the teaching of evolutionary theory in schools lost seats.
Pat at Red State Rabble, however, offers a reminder that this is an ongoing fight.
Still, it's encouraging.
I know it's not my fight - I don't even live in Kansas - but it's nice to see that people still put reality above politics.
The Kansas state Board Of Education, which approved changes to the state's teaching standards that basically redefined science to allow for the teaching of the so-called Intelligent Design Theory, changed slightly, becoming more middle-of-the-road, and several members who openly fought the teaching of evolutionary theory in schools lost seats.
Pat at Red State Rabble, however, offers a reminder that this is an ongoing fight.
Still, it's encouraging.
I know it's not my fight - I don't even live in Kansas - but it's nice to see that people still put reality above politics.
1.8.06
Snakes On A Plane
Snakes On A Plane is due for release on 18th of this month.If you've been living under a rock for the past year, you may not have heard of the incredible hype surrounding what has become a cult classic before anyone has even seen it.
Terry Pratchett has a joke that crops up in his books from time to time, where one character will say "hey, things could be worse", to which another character will reply "how?", and the original retorts with "well, there could be snakes in here with us".
They made a movie out of that joke.
For those who haven't ventured out from under their rocks for a while, the plot is simple. There's this plane. And there are snakes on it.
The hows, whys and wherefores are irrelevant. There's this plane. And there are snakes on it.
Notice how the concept - that there are snakes on a plane - is so ultimately awe-inspiring that the poster doesn't even name the film's star - Samuel L. Jackson - because who needs stars? There's this plane. And there are snakes on it.
We can close Hollywood now. All the movies have been done. After this there are no more movies to make. No movie can possibly match this for sheer whatthefuckery.
I am going to see this movie. I am going to buy this movie when it comes out on DVD.
There's this plane...
31.7.06
Atheist World Non-Prayer Network
It's getting late, I'm tried, and so I decided to subject you to more juvenile humour.
This was originally posted on AP as a response to one of our members informing us that his mother was gravely ill. For those of us with a sense of humour, such topics are often phrased as requesting that we - the other atheist members - continue to avoid prayer as a means of helping the patient.
Some thought this response too flippant, too disrespectful, but the member at which it was aimed thought it was hilarious and, I hope, gave him a bright spot in an otherwise dark time.
Enjoy.
Doom.
Atheist World Non-Prayer Network
Welcome to the Atheist World Non-Prayer Network, where atheists around the world stand ready to not-pray for you and your every need.
We at the AWNPN will spring into action and immediately commence not-praying for anything you wish, and unlike our would-be rival, the Christian Rejoicing And Praying Network (CRAPnet), we won't judge you or your requests. We're just as happy not-praying for world peace as we are to not-pray that you find a clap-free whore to spend the night with. We'll not-pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series just has hard as we'll not-pray that those red spots around your penis go away.
So advanced is our service that we don't even have to tell our members what to not-pray for. That's right, unlike CRAPnet, who has to send out emails to their members - our network will instantly begin not-praying the moment you decide what you want.
Research even shows that our members are already not-praying for you and your needs. In fact, studies from several major universities show that AWNPN members even manage to not-pray for things you haven't thought of yet, for needs that have not yet arisen, and for things that you didn't even know you needed!
This is because atheists spend their time not-praying about everything. That's right, we will, and do, not-pray for absolutely everything in the world. Right now, atheists all over the world are not-praying for the victory of every sports team. We're not-praying for the health and wisdom of all politicians in every country around the world. We're not-praying for the success of every movie, every Broadway play, every book, TV show, scientific, business, educational, and - yes - even religious venture. But there's more. We're also not-praying for the failure of every single one of those things. And we're not-praying for their continued mediocrity!
The true power of AWNPN lies in our uninterruptable service. Our members are not-praying all day, every day. Our members are even not-praying whilst they sleep! CRAPnet cannot say that.
Sure, CRAPnet may have the numbers, but we're constant, full on, 24/7, not-praying just as hard as we can.
And here's where we go from brilliance to genius. It's not just our members that are not-praying for you. Scientific studies show that people who are dead also spend their entire time not-praying. That means that every single person that has ever lived is right now not-praying for you! And for everybody else!
And that's not all!
Reliable scientific evidence shows that people who have not yet been born spend each and every day not-praying.
Did I say CRAPnet has the numbers? Oh, we have the numbers. We have every person who has ever lived, and every person yet to be born, for now and forever more and each and every one of them is not-praying all day, every day!
And our service has a guaranteed 100% success rate! We at AWNPN have spent our lives not-praying for every single thing that happens every single day!
So come join us, and we'll not-pray for you!
In fact, we already are not-praying for you!
Hallelujah!
This was originally posted on AP as a response to one of our members informing us that his mother was gravely ill. For those of us with a sense of humour, such topics are often phrased as requesting that we - the other atheist members - continue to avoid prayer as a means of helping the patient.
Some thought this response too flippant, too disrespectful, but the member at which it was aimed thought it was hilarious and, I hope, gave him a bright spot in an otherwise dark time.
Enjoy.
Doom.
Atheist World Non-Prayer Network
Welcome to the Atheist World Non-Prayer Network, where atheists around the world stand ready to not-pray for you and your every need.
We at the AWNPN will spring into action and immediately commence not-praying for anything you wish, and unlike our would-be rival, the Christian Rejoicing And Praying Network (CRAPnet), we won't judge you or your requests. We're just as happy not-praying for world peace as we are to not-pray that you find a clap-free whore to spend the night with. We'll not-pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series just has hard as we'll not-pray that those red spots around your penis go away.
So advanced is our service that we don't even have to tell our members what to not-pray for. That's right, unlike CRAPnet, who has to send out emails to their members - our network will instantly begin not-praying the moment you decide what you want.
Research even shows that our members are already not-praying for you and your needs. In fact, studies from several major universities show that AWNPN members even manage to not-pray for things you haven't thought of yet, for needs that have not yet arisen, and for things that you didn't even know you needed!
This is because atheists spend their time not-praying about everything. That's right, we will, and do, not-pray for absolutely everything in the world. Right now, atheists all over the world are not-praying for the victory of every sports team. We're not-praying for the health and wisdom of all politicians in every country around the world. We're not-praying for the success of every movie, every Broadway play, every book, TV show, scientific, business, educational, and - yes - even religious venture. But there's more. We're also not-praying for the failure of every single one of those things. And we're not-praying for their continued mediocrity!
The true power of AWNPN lies in our uninterruptable service. Our members are not-praying all day, every day. Our members are even not-praying whilst they sleep! CRAPnet cannot say that.
Sure, CRAPnet may have the numbers, but we're constant, full on, 24/7, not-praying just as hard as we can.
And here's where we go from brilliance to genius. It's not just our members that are not-praying for you. Scientific studies show that people who are dead also spend their entire time not-praying. That means that every single person that has ever lived is right now not-praying for you! And for everybody else!
And that's not all!
Reliable scientific evidence shows that people who have not yet been born spend each and every day not-praying.
Did I say CRAPnet has the numbers? Oh, we have the numbers. We have every person who has ever lived, and every person yet to be born, for now and forever more and each and every one of them is not-praying all day, every day!
And our service has a guaranteed 100% success rate! We at AWNPN have spent our lives not-praying for every single thing that happens every single day!
So come join us, and we'll not-pray for you!
In fact, we already are not-praying for you!
Hallelujah!
30.7.06
It is a numeric life
Another blog found by the simple tactic called The Next Blog Boogie. It is a numeric life collects together simple statistics. Often funny, sometimes surprising, mostly useless, but pretty fun.
For example:
Did you know that smokers are four times more likely to go gray early than non smokers? That cancer has overtaken heart disease as the number 1 killer in the USA? That Sioux Falls SD is the safest city in the USA when it comes to driving? That women buy more books than men?
Now you do.
For example:
Did you know that smokers are four times more likely to go gray early than non smokers? That cancer has overtaken heart disease as the number 1 killer in the USA? That Sioux Falls SD is the safest city in the USA when it comes to driving? That women buy more books than men?
Now you do.
Hat Tip
Interesting perspective on Mel Gibson's drunk-driving arrest the other day:
Read the full article here.
"You remember Mel Gibson, the Christianist poster boy who made the two-hour snuff film that was so popular a few years back, prior to which he was most famous for baring his hard Catholic ass in every film he made up to that point?
This devout, conservative Christian, when stopped for driving drunk with an open bottle of tequila on the front seat of his car, went on a tirade of f-bombs and Anti-Semitic slurs, threatened the life of the cop who had stopped him, resisted arrest and tried to run away on foot from the scene, and yelled 'Sweet tits' to a female officer. Classy, really classy. Then, the sheriff ordered the officer to take all of that out of his report -- and he still has a job."
Read the full article here.
Bleeding heart ends tradition
Sad. The RNLI (Royal National Lifeboat Institution) was been raising money in Dorset by playing a giant game of skittles involving humans as targets and a dead conger eel to knock them down.
But - of course - some fool complains and now it stops:
Roger Fox, who introduce the game, has the best perspective:
Indeed, Mr Fox. Indeed.
But - of course - some fool complains and now it stops:
Can it really be disrespectful to swing a dead 20lb fish at a group of men to raise money for lifeboats?
Somebody in Lyme Regis, Dorset, thought so and their complaint has now put an end to the 40-year tradition of 'conger cuddling' in the town.
The Royal National Lifeboat Institution has deemed that using a dead conger eel to try to knock down some of its members is 'inappropriate'.
Roger Fox, who introduce the game, has the best perspective:
Mr Fox said: 'I cannot see how it can be cruel to a fish that has been dead for two months.
'The whole argument is pointless.
'If it were a salmon bought from a supermarket would there be any complaints?
'The public loved it for 40 years and everyone has a hilarious time.
'I think it's all absolute rubbish.'
Indeed, Mr Fox. Indeed.
29.7.06
27.7.06
Supernova Sue 'Rock Star: Supernova' Producers, Bandmembers
Speaking of Rock Star: Supernova, how many had heard that they're being sued by a band called - you guessed it - Supernova, who have been around since 1989 and have released several albums under the name?
Oops.
Oops.
MTV News - Supernova Sue 'Rock Star: Supernova' Producers, Bandmembers: "Nine days before the July 5 broadcast premiere of Mark Burnett's 'Rock Star: Supernova' on CBS, the three members of Orange County, California, punk trio Supernova — who formed back in 1989 and released four albums, including 2000's Pop as a Weapon — filed a lawsuit against the show's producers, charging trademark infringement.
The lawsuit, filed in federal court in San Diego, names Mark Burnett Productions, Rockstar Entertainment Inc. and CBS Broadcasting as defendants, along with Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clarke — the three future members of the group this season's 'Rock Star' is supposed to spawn and endow with a lead singer. After someone's chosen to front the band, the foursome will eventually record and release fresh material before touring the nation, all under the Supernova moniker "
Phema
Watching Rock Star: Supernova (warning: supremely annoying, hugely graphics-intensive intro page) today reminded me of a single I have in my collection from another virtually unknown group called Phema. They are a rock band from Milton Keynes, a city I used to live near.
The CD is called Blindside, and features the songs Blindside, Nearly Died Twice, and Addict.
The band is awesome, Blindside is easily one of the best songs I've heard in a long time.
By going to their website you can listen to their latest work, including The Answer, a very impressive piece.
If you're anywhere near Milton Keynes and you're into rock, give these guys a look.
The CD is called Blindside, and features the songs Blindside, Nearly Died Twice, and Addict.
The band is awesome, Blindside is easily one of the best songs I've heard in a long time.
By going to their website you can listen to their latest work, including The Answer, a very impressive piece.
If you're anywhere near Milton Keynes and you're into rock, give these guys a look.
25.7.06
More bloggy goodness
More AP member's blogs:
Damaged Goods is Vagrant's blog, and Azuredrake has a myspace blog. MrsMaintenance blogs about homeschooling, and CaptnMorgan gets his comedy thang on.
There. No excuses for having nothing to read, now.
Damaged Goods is Vagrant's blog, and Azuredrake has a myspace blog. MrsMaintenance blogs about homeschooling, and CaptnMorgan gets his comedy thang on.
There. No excuses for having nothing to read, now.
24.7.06
Workers unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!
I would, being experienced in such matters, like to preface this entry with the following disclaimer:
I have no interest in changing CWA's constitutional preamble, even if I could, nor would I support any effort by others to do so, beyond simply agreeing with it. This entry is simply meant as another Englishman's mad perspective on America.
The perspective is this:
Americans, by and large, seem to have this need to publicly wave their religion and their religious convictions at every opportunity, even when it is unnecessary and illogical, not to mention contradictory, to do so, as this example illustrates:
The Communications Workers of America (CWA) is a union that represents people in America's communications industries, from 411 and 911 operators to cable layers, from ISPs to television. They are one of America's largest unions, with over 700,000 members nationwide.
As is usual for unions the world over, they have a manifesto, it's just that over here they call it a constitution.
The constitution comprises a statement of intent (the preamble) followed by the union's rules and organisational regulations.
The preamble reads:
Astute readers will already see what caused this entry.
But I want to deal with this in two parts.
The first is the syntax. Apart from the fact that many probably had to read that last part again and again in an attempt to glean some sense from it (it seems that there really should be a comma after the word "generally", and the word "labor" seems to refer to workers, not working. Make sense now?), the "under God" bit seems out of place, at best.
This is a simple literary criticism. It's almost as if the preamble were finished, ready to go to print, and someone suddenly decided that The Big Guy had to be in there somewhere, and shoehorned the phrase in wherever it would fit. I'm an atheist, and I could write that piece with far more fluidity.
On to the second criticism. A union is supposed to be workers working together for a better workplace. Even the name - union - implies unity, togetherness, working as one.
So why include a phrase which is so exclusive and divisive?
Admittedly, on pure probability, the vast majority of CWA's members do believe in God*, but unions are supposed to represent all of their members, not just some, even if those some are in the overwhelming majority.
And it seems silly. Why bother putting your religion on the union's face anyway? I've checked out quite a few British unions and there seems to be an absence of the desire to proclaim the union as somehow religious.
But it's not just the CWA. The IBEW (International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers) declares "We will support our God, our Nations, our Union" in the preamble to their constitution.
It's not all the same, though. Take a look at how the AFL-CIO (American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations) does it:
"Whatever nationality or faith"?
I like that. THAT'S unity.
*I don't think it can be stressed often enough that the term "God" is inclusive only of Christians. The Moslem god is called Allah, the Jewish god is Yaweh, Hindu gods have many names, Buddhists don't believe in a diety at all, and neither do many other religions. People try to blur the distinction between God and "a god", but it is extremely disingenuous to do so.
I have no interest in changing CWA's constitutional preamble, even if I could, nor would I support any effort by others to do so, beyond simply agreeing with it. This entry is simply meant as another Englishman's mad perspective on America.
The perspective is this:
Americans, by and large, seem to have this need to publicly wave their religion and their religious convictions at every opportunity, even when it is unnecessary and illogical, not to mention contradictory, to do so, as this example illustrates:
The Communications Workers of America (CWA) is a union that represents people in America's communications industries, from 411 and 911 operators to cable layers, from ISPs to television. They are one of America's largest unions, with over 700,000 members nationwide.
As is usual for unions the world over, they have a manifesto, it's just that over here they call it a constitution.
The constitution comprises a statement of intent (the preamble) followed by the union's rules and organisational regulations.
The preamble reads:
"We, the Communications Workers of America, believing that as an integral part of society we are entitled to an equitable share in the products of our labor and realizing that our welfare can best be protected and advanced through the united efforts of all workers, do, through this Constitution, under God, seek to form a more perfect means of securing for ourselves and labor generally full enjoyment of the inherent rights and dignities which our institutions were ordained to preserve."
Astute readers will already see what caused this entry.
But I want to deal with this in two parts.
The first is the syntax. Apart from the fact that many probably had to read that last part again and again in an attempt to glean some sense from it (it seems that there really should be a comma after the word "generally", and the word "labor" seems to refer to workers, not working. Make sense now?), the "under God" bit seems out of place, at best.
This is a simple literary criticism. It's almost as if the preamble were finished, ready to go to print, and someone suddenly decided that The Big Guy had to be in there somewhere, and shoehorned the phrase in wherever it would fit. I'm an atheist, and I could write that piece with far more fluidity.
On to the second criticism. A union is supposed to be workers working together for a better workplace. Even the name - union - implies unity, togetherness, working as one.
So why include a phrase which is so exclusive and divisive?
Admittedly, on pure probability, the vast majority of CWA's members do believe in God*, but unions are supposed to represent all of their members, not just some, even if those some are in the overwhelming majority.
And it seems silly. Why bother putting your religion on the union's face anyway? I've checked out quite a few British unions and there seems to be an absence of the desire to proclaim the union as somehow religious.
But it's not just the CWA. The IBEW (International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers) declares "We will support our God, our Nations, our Union" in the preamble to their constitution.
It's not all the same, though. Take a look at how the AFL-CIO (American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations) does it:
We resolve to fulfill the yearning of the human spirit for liberty, justice and community; to advance individual and associational freedom; to vanquish oppression, privation and cruelty in all their forms; and to join with all persons, of whatever nationality or faith, who cherish the cause of democracy and the call of solidarity, to grace the planet with these achievements.
"Whatever nationality or faith"?
I like that. THAT'S unity.
*I don't think it can be stressed often enough that the term "God" is inclusive only of Christians. The Moslem god is called Allah, the Jewish god is Yaweh, Hindu gods have many names, Buddhists don't believe in a diety at all, and neither do many other religions. People try to blur the distinction between God and "a god", but it is extremely disingenuous to do so.
EvolutionBlog
A quick mention today for EvolutionBlog, a great blog I discovered by hitting the "next blog" link in the top corner a few times. It's always worth surfing through the blogs by doing this. You never know what you'll find.
23.7.06
The Culture Of Life
I was engaged in some deep thought whilst at work today and the end result is this little pondering.
Why is it that we have such a "culture of life" in our society?
Let me throw out some examples:
There's a series of popular phrases that show a preference for life over death, such as "any day above ground is a good day" or "any landing you can walk away from is a good one".
We talk about dying for your country as the "ultimate sacrifice" and we consider the death penalty the ultimate punishment.
We spend billions per year staving off death, with doctors and medicines. Our average life expectancy has doubled not just due to medical science, but also thanks to our willingness to use it.
We consider it an achievement to be old. People express awe at meeting those who've passed the century mark. In England, you get a telegram from the Queen on your 100th birthday, and every birthday thereafter.
We've made the killing of a human being, under almost any, every, and all circumstances a crime.
We refuse to allow euthanasia and assisted suicide, even though we regularly euthanise animals to save them pain. But no matter how intense the pain, no matter how debilitating the disease, no matter how horrific the suffering, humans must be kept alive.
And yet, we are told, 90-odd percent of the population believes in an afterlife. So why should death be something to be feared for those people?
I get it for atheists. Death is it. The big one. The end to end all ends.
But for those who believe in the afterlife, in divine judgment, in heaven, hell or whatever, a logical person would think that death would be welcomed.
Why is it deemed so great a sacrifice to die in combat? What do you really sacrifice anyway? This life means nothing compared to getting to the afterlife, right? And death as a punishment? Surely keeping a person alive for as long as possible would be greater punishment?
Why do we spend so much money - the elderly disproportionately moreso - staving off our audience with God? Surely it would make more sense to forget the medication and let nature - or God's will - take its course.
Why do we take so much pride in getting old? As Bones said in Star Trek: The Next Generation - Encounter At Farpoint: "what's so great about not having died?"
Why do we insist on keeping people alive for so long? Machines, drugs, surgery, all to prolong a life that's pointless, when the patient could be enjoying the harp music.
Why is it, if so many people believe that the Big Guy In The Sky awaits us at the end of our lives, that we spend so much time, effort and money in delaying that meeting?
I'm not talking about committing suicide to get there early, I'm talking about the senselessness of putting off the inevitable.
For an atheist, yeah. You have one life, so you might want it to be as long as possible (although, most atheists I've known prefer quality over quantity), but for theists, this life is only a precursor to the next. Why delay?
Survival instinct is hard-wired into us. We evolved that way. Had our ancestors not possessed the will to survive, they wouldn't have made it far. So those that didn't care about survival fell by the wayside, and only those that fought tooth and nail to make it to the end of another day lived and thrived. The same can be said for grief. Grief is the expression of an evolved sense that our group - our tribe, pack, herd, whatever - is lessened by the passing of this individual.
But, of course, most of the theists don't agree with evolution, so that answer's out.
Can it possibly be, for example, a Christian's duty to extend the life of a person, even to the point of causing constant, extreme pain and suffering? Aren't Christians commanded to be merciful?
Of all theists, I'd think that Christians would be most eager to meet their God, not put it off as long as possible.
And, when we die, why the crying? Why aren't Christian funerals joyous, glorious events? Why don't people express their envy for the departed, now relaxing in eternal heavenly bliss? I mean, the dude's in heaven, right? Why are you crying? Why are you sad? I know that some cultures try to celebrate at the funeral, but it's almost always buried in the avalanche of grief. When Pope John Paul II died, billions across the world grieved. Why aren't you partying? I mean, if anyone got in, he did, right?
Again, for the atheist, I get it. The person is gone, forever. You'll never talk with them again, never hug them, kiss them, share a joke with them. For the atheist, a funeral really is a time for grief.
But for the theist?
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in the use of medical science in extending lives. I believe that as long as a person wants to go on, they must be afforded every chance to do so.
But why do theists believe that? And why do they believe in the opposite? That people, even if they decide they don't want to go on, must be made to no matter what?
Is it because, deep down, in some dark, hidden corner, they suspect that there is no meeting set up, no appointment to keep? Or is it just that they're worried they might not like the result of that appointment?
Perhaps their faith just isn't as strong as they pretend it is.
Why is it that we have such a "culture of life" in our society?
Let me throw out some examples:
There's a series of popular phrases that show a preference for life over death, such as "any day above ground is a good day" or "any landing you can walk away from is a good one".
We talk about dying for your country as the "ultimate sacrifice" and we consider the death penalty the ultimate punishment.
We spend billions per year staving off death, with doctors and medicines. Our average life expectancy has doubled not just due to medical science, but also thanks to our willingness to use it.
We consider it an achievement to be old. People express awe at meeting those who've passed the century mark. In England, you get a telegram from the Queen on your 100th birthday, and every birthday thereafter.
We've made the killing of a human being, under almost any, every, and all circumstances a crime.
We refuse to allow euthanasia and assisted suicide, even though we regularly euthanise animals to save them pain. But no matter how intense the pain, no matter how debilitating the disease, no matter how horrific the suffering, humans must be kept alive.
And yet, we are told, 90-odd percent of the population believes in an afterlife. So why should death be something to be feared for those people?
I get it for atheists. Death is it. The big one. The end to end all ends.
But for those who believe in the afterlife, in divine judgment, in heaven, hell or whatever, a logical person would think that death would be welcomed.
Why is it deemed so great a sacrifice to die in combat? What do you really sacrifice anyway? This life means nothing compared to getting to the afterlife, right? And death as a punishment? Surely keeping a person alive for as long as possible would be greater punishment?
Why do we spend so much money - the elderly disproportionately moreso - staving off our audience with God? Surely it would make more sense to forget the medication and let nature - or God's will - take its course.
Why do we take so much pride in getting old? As Bones said in Star Trek: The Next Generation - Encounter At Farpoint: "what's so great about not having died?"
Why do we insist on keeping people alive for so long? Machines, drugs, surgery, all to prolong a life that's pointless, when the patient could be enjoying the harp music.
Why is it, if so many people believe that the Big Guy In The Sky awaits us at the end of our lives, that we spend so much time, effort and money in delaying that meeting?
I'm not talking about committing suicide to get there early, I'm talking about the senselessness of putting off the inevitable.
For an atheist, yeah. You have one life, so you might want it to be as long as possible (although, most atheists I've known prefer quality over quantity), but for theists, this life is only a precursor to the next. Why delay?
Survival instinct is hard-wired into us. We evolved that way. Had our ancestors not possessed the will to survive, they wouldn't have made it far. So those that didn't care about survival fell by the wayside, and only those that fought tooth and nail to make it to the end of another day lived and thrived. The same can be said for grief. Grief is the expression of an evolved sense that our group - our tribe, pack, herd, whatever - is lessened by the passing of this individual.
But, of course, most of the theists don't agree with evolution, so that answer's out.
Can it possibly be, for example, a Christian's duty to extend the life of a person, even to the point of causing constant, extreme pain and suffering? Aren't Christians commanded to be merciful?
Of all theists, I'd think that Christians would be most eager to meet their God, not put it off as long as possible.
And, when we die, why the crying? Why aren't Christian funerals joyous, glorious events? Why don't people express their envy for the departed, now relaxing in eternal heavenly bliss? I mean, the dude's in heaven, right? Why are you crying? Why are you sad? I know that some cultures try to celebrate at the funeral, but it's almost always buried in the avalanche of grief. When Pope John Paul II died, billions across the world grieved. Why aren't you partying? I mean, if anyone got in, he did, right?
Again, for the atheist, I get it. The person is gone, forever. You'll never talk with them again, never hug them, kiss them, share a joke with them. For the atheist, a funeral really is a time for grief.
But for the theist?
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in the use of medical science in extending lives. I believe that as long as a person wants to go on, they must be afforded every chance to do so.
But why do theists believe that? And why do they believe in the opposite? That people, even if they decide they don't want to go on, must be made to no matter what?
Is it because, deep down, in some dark, hidden corner, they suspect that there is no meeting set up, no appointment to keep? Or is it just that they're worried they might not like the result of that appointment?
Perhaps their faith just isn't as strong as they pretend it is.
22.7.06
21.7.06
New Kid On The Blog
Stuffedstich, he of the Shorn Buttok fame (it's an AP insider joke), has started his own blog, called Shadow Blog.
Go check it out.
Go check it out.
19.7.06
You, Me and Dupree
You, Me and Dupree is the story of newlyweds Carl (Matt Dillon) and Molly (Kate Hudson) who find themselves burdened with an inconsiderate roommate in the form of Carl's best friend Dupree (Owen Wilson).
Dupree disrupts their ordered life, destroys everything he touches and basically behaves like a single guy without a care in the world. Dupree is the kind of guy everyone knows. If you're a guy and you don't know a Dupree, you're the Dupree. He never grew up, never settled, never stopped partying. Dupree's the kind of guy your wife would rather you didn't hang out with, didn't invite to the wedding, wouldn't invite to birthday parties. But he's also the guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, the guy that's always there to pick you up and make sure you get home safe, even if it is at 9am the next morning.
Thus, the first half of the movie looked like it was shaping up into an "all men are pigs" rant a la The Breakup. Dupree laments that his friend has gone from wildchild to boring married guy, and Carl tries to recapture some of his lost party spirit, which leads to much eyerolling and condescension. Men never grow up. Men can't take commitment seriously.
However, it does develop into a pretty deep movie, where Dupree helps Carl get back with his wife, get back at his domineering, overbearing, emasculating father-in-law and boss, Mr Thompson (Michael Douglas), and get back his essential Carlness.
Some genuinely hilarious dialogue, some truly side-splitting scenes, and, on the whole, the movie is pretty good.
You do get to see Owen Wilson's arse, though.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Doombreed rating: ****
Dupree disrupts their ordered life, destroys everything he touches and basically behaves like a single guy without a care in the world. Dupree is the kind of guy everyone knows. If you're a guy and you don't know a Dupree, you're the Dupree. He never grew up, never settled, never stopped partying. Dupree's the kind of guy your wife would rather you didn't hang out with, didn't invite to the wedding, wouldn't invite to birthday parties. But he's also the guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, the guy that's always there to pick you up and make sure you get home safe, even if it is at 9am the next morning.
Thus, the first half of the movie looked like it was shaping up into an "all men are pigs" rant a la The Breakup. Dupree laments that his friend has gone from wildchild to boring married guy, and Carl tries to recapture some of his lost party spirit, which leads to much eyerolling and condescension. Men never grow up. Men can't take commitment seriously.
However, it does develop into a pretty deep movie, where Dupree helps Carl get back with his wife, get back at his domineering, overbearing, emasculating father-in-law and boss, Mr Thompson (Michael Douglas), and get back his essential Carlness.
Some genuinely hilarious dialogue, some truly side-splitting scenes, and, on the whole, the movie is pretty good.
You do get to see Owen Wilson's arse, though.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Doombreed rating: ****
Family Guy goes to Harvard
17.7.06
Mall Of The Dead
At the suggestion of Mrs Doombreed, who read yesterday's entry and remembered a comment I made a few years ago, here is part two of Old People Doing Things That Are Weird (or, at least, Weird To Me).
Here in America there's a phenomenon that weirds me out. Mall walking. That's what I call it, anyway.
Old people, for the purposes of social interaction and exercise, descend on indoor shopping malls early in the morning and walk around the perimeter.
If you think about it, it's a great idea. It's gentle exercise, in a pleasant, safe, well-lit, air-conditioned location, close to toilets and first aid, should either be necessary. It's brilliant.
Unless you've never seen it before and you stumble upon this phenomenon and, half asleep, behold what looks like a mall full of dead bodies lurching around.
One can be forgiven for thinking that one has wandered into a remake of George A. Romano's Dawn Of The Dead.
Here in America there's a phenomenon that weirds me out. Mall walking. That's what I call it, anyway.
Old people, for the purposes of social interaction and exercise, descend on indoor shopping malls early in the morning and walk around the perimeter.
If you think about it, it's a great idea. It's gentle exercise, in a pleasant, safe, well-lit, air-conditioned location, close to toilets and first aid, should either be necessary. It's brilliant.
Unless you've never seen it before and you stumble upon this phenomenon and, half asleep, behold what looks like a mall full of dead bodies lurching around.
One can be forgiven for thinking that one has wandered into a remake of George A. Romano's Dawn Of The Dead.
Old People In McDonalds
This is one of those things that just really weirds me out about America. Old people in McDonalds.
In England, you never see anyone over, say, 35 in a burger joint unless they have kids or grandkids with them, but over here they have, not to put too fine a point on it, old people in McDonalds.
In the USA, the burger joint has been part of the culture since the fifties, so many people who grew up with this have now become, in a manner of speaking, old people in McDonalds.
It's no more unusual than, say, going into a chip shop in England and meeting old people there, but still, y'know, it weirds me out.
Old people.
In McDonalds.
Culture shock: it's not just for bumpkins in cities any more.
In England, you never see anyone over, say, 35 in a burger joint unless they have kids or grandkids with them, but over here they have, not to put too fine a point on it, old people in McDonalds.
In the USA, the burger joint has been part of the culture since the fifties, so many people who grew up with this have now become, in a manner of speaking, old people in McDonalds.
It's no more unusual than, say, going into a chip shop in England and meeting old people there, but still, y'know, it weirds me out.
Old people.
In McDonalds.
Culture shock: it's not just for bumpkins in cities any more.
16.7.06
What a world
The latest round of scrapping between Israel and the Palestinians has brought some things back into sharp perspective.
I guess anyone under 20 may not have much of a political recollection of the nineties. What's weird is that the nineties had us fooled.
A friend of mine is fond of describing the sixties as a "decade of hope", and I think of the nineties in a similar way.
Strictly speaking, the Berlin Wall (believe me, it deserved the capital letter) didn't come down in the nineties, but 1989 was, for many, the start of this weird, almost hallucinogenic decade. The Berlin Wall had stood for nearly thirty years, dividing democratic West Berlin from communist East Berlin. Then, it was pulled down. People from both sides came together - ceasing to be East Germans and West Germans, starting to become simply Germans once again - to topple the edifice. Hands reached through holes torn in the wall, people separated for nearly three decades embraced, and a new era was born.
It became a little rocky when Iraq invaded Kuwait, but after the allies kicked him back home - and after he brutally repressed the George H W Bush-inspired rebellion - Saddam Hussein almost faded into the background. He'd pop out for a speech or two, dedicate a new statue (usually of himself), make some disparaging remarks about the west, and go back to his palace.
This tailing-off was happening all over the world. The Protestants and the Catholics started talking and, along with providing Clinton some nice photo-ops, talking led to doing. The guns, as the old saying goes, fell silent. Northern Ireland knew weeks without sectarian violence. Weeks stretched into months, then into years.
The Palestinians and the Israelis started talking. And talking there, too, led to doing. So important was the peace talks that, in 1994, Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres, and Yitzhak Rabin jointly received the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts towards reconciliation.
Nelson Mandela made it out of jail, stood in South Africa's first free elections, and was made President.
Names like Colonel Gaddafi and Ayatolla Montazeri started to fade from our televisions.
The Soviet Union collapsed. Yes, for those who remember the cold war, this was the one. The Soviet Union collapsed! We woke up one morning and it was over! The Great Enemy was gone. The threat of nuclear annihilation was wafting away like a bad smell.
Peace was breaking out all over the world. In a century which had seen - maybe - four or five days without some form of war happening somewhere, this unexpected quiet was a little worrying, but welcome. We began, cautiously, to breathe out.
Decades of living under the shadow of world-wide nuclear destruction, of turning on the news every day to images of violence all over the globe, of wondering if we were going to make it to the end of the day, let alone the end of the millennium, were starting to seem behind us.
It almost looked like we might be headed towards that Utopia promised by Star Trek.
And it wasn't just war. Disease was being tackled. Illiteracy rates were down. Crime in a lot of countries was heading downwards. Abortion rates in the USA and the UK were dropping. The internet was opening up the planet. We were shaking hands with people on the other side of the world on a regular basis. We started working together to end environmental problems like the hole in the ozone layer and global warming.
And then the other shoe dropped. Hard.
Now, Iraq is a hell-hole for Iraqis.
Now, the Protestants and the Catholics are at it again.
Now, the Israelis and the Palestinians are killing each other for who-the-hell-knows why.
Now, racist-inspired violence in South Africa is as bad as it ever was, it's just that whites are the target now.
Now, all of the former Soviet Union's nukes are in the hands of ex-Soviet states, under the command of whoever had the full clip this week. And hardliners are taking control of the Russian government, leaving Putin as just about the only moderate in the country. They're even talking about restarting their nuke programmes. Kim Jong-Il has nukes (he's had them for a while, it's true, but now he has the delivery method).
Peace is now a scarce commodity.
The nineties fooled us.
We hate the nineties.
Once again we're back to the eighties. Every news item is war, famine, death, recession, destruction, terrorism, corruption.
Wake me up in 2010. Maybe the next decade will be better.
I guess anyone under 20 may not have much of a political recollection of the nineties. What's weird is that the nineties had us fooled.
A friend of mine is fond of describing the sixties as a "decade of hope", and I think of the nineties in a similar way.
Strictly speaking, the Berlin Wall (believe me, it deserved the capital letter) didn't come down in the nineties, but 1989 was, for many, the start of this weird, almost hallucinogenic decade. The Berlin Wall had stood for nearly thirty years, dividing democratic West Berlin from communist East Berlin. Then, it was pulled down. People from both sides came together - ceasing to be East Germans and West Germans, starting to become simply Germans once again - to topple the edifice. Hands reached through holes torn in the wall, people separated for nearly three decades embraced, and a new era was born.
It became a little rocky when Iraq invaded Kuwait, but after the allies kicked him back home - and after he brutally repressed the George H W Bush-inspired rebellion - Saddam Hussein almost faded into the background. He'd pop out for a speech or two, dedicate a new statue (usually of himself), make some disparaging remarks about the west, and go back to his palace.
This tailing-off was happening all over the world. The Protestants and the Catholics started talking and, along with providing Clinton some nice photo-ops, talking led to doing. The guns, as the old saying goes, fell silent. Northern Ireland knew weeks without sectarian violence. Weeks stretched into months, then into years.
The Palestinians and the Israelis started talking. And talking there, too, led to doing. So important was the peace talks that, in 1994, Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres, and Yitzhak Rabin jointly received the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts towards reconciliation.
Nelson Mandela made it out of jail, stood in South Africa's first free elections, and was made President.
Names like Colonel Gaddafi and Ayatolla Montazeri started to fade from our televisions.
The Soviet Union collapsed. Yes, for those who remember the cold war, this was the one. The Soviet Union collapsed! We woke up one morning and it was over! The Great Enemy was gone. The threat of nuclear annihilation was wafting away like a bad smell.
Peace was breaking out all over the world. In a century which had seen - maybe - four or five days without some form of war happening somewhere, this unexpected quiet was a little worrying, but welcome. We began, cautiously, to breathe out.
Decades of living under the shadow of world-wide nuclear destruction, of turning on the news every day to images of violence all over the globe, of wondering if we were going to make it to the end of the day, let alone the end of the millennium, were starting to seem behind us.
It almost looked like we might be headed towards that Utopia promised by Star Trek.
And it wasn't just war. Disease was being tackled. Illiteracy rates were down. Crime in a lot of countries was heading downwards. Abortion rates in the USA and the UK were dropping. The internet was opening up the planet. We were shaking hands with people on the other side of the world on a regular basis. We started working together to end environmental problems like the hole in the ozone layer and global warming.
And then the other shoe dropped. Hard.
Now, Iraq is a hell-hole for Iraqis.
Now, the Protestants and the Catholics are at it again.
Now, the Israelis and the Palestinians are killing each other for who-the-hell-knows why.
Now, racist-inspired violence in South Africa is as bad as it ever was, it's just that whites are the target now.
Now, all of the former Soviet Union's nukes are in the hands of ex-Soviet states, under the command of whoever had the full clip this week. And hardliners are taking control of the Russian government, leaving Putin as just about the only moderate in the country. They're even talking about restarting their nuke programmes. Kim Jong-Il has nukes (he's had them for a while, it's true, but now he has the delivery method).
Peace is now a scarce commodity.
The nineties fooled us.
We hate the nineties.
Once again we're back to the eighties. Every news item is war, famine, death, recession, destruction, terrorism, corruption.
Wake me up in 2010. Maybe the next decade will be better.
15.7.06
Friday Rodent Blogging
Here is a picture of the wierd x-shaped mark that has appeared in the fur of Selene's forehead. Clearly, all the prophecies were wrong. It's not the mark of the beast, it's the mark on the beast that we need to worry about.
14.7.06
Blair: 'ID cards will go ahead'
Looks like it's only a matter of time before ID cards are to be issued to everyone in the UK.
Let's be clear, here. That's ID cards as in "thing that people in free countries do not have because they don't live in dictatorships".
What's worse is that, like so many similar harebrained schemes, this one is going ahead despite being horrifically flawed. Which means that UK taxpayers are going to have to pay for the cards, the mechanism to put them in place, the police to stop and demand to see them, and to fix everything that's wrong with a scheme most don't want to go ahead in the first place.
And my countrymen voted that grinning twat Tony Blair back into power.
Just look at this section from the Beeb's Q&A:
Indeed.
Let's be clear, here. That's ID cards as in "thing that people in free countries do not have because they don't live in dictatorships".
What's worse is that, like so many similar harebrained schemes, this one is going ahead despite being horrifically flawed. Which means that UK taxpayers are going to have to pay for the cards, the mechanism to put them in place, the police to stop and demand to see them, and to fix everything that's wrong with a scheme most don't want to go ahead in the first place.
And my countrymen voted that grinning twat Tony Blair back into power.
Just look at this section from the Beeb's Q&A:
"During WWII the ID card was seen as a way of protecting the nation from Nazi spies. But in 1952, Winston Churchill's government crapped the cards. The feeling was that in peacetime they simply were not needed. In fact they were thought to be hindering the work of the police, because so many people resented being asked to produce a card to prove their identity."
Indeed.
13.7.06
BBC: I'm sorry but no regrets - Zidane
Zidane has apologised for the headbutt incident that resulted in his red card against Italy in the World Cup final but says he doesn't regret what happened.
And I, for one, am on his side, despite calling him an "arsehole" before.
Zidane says he can't say he regrets doing it because that would mean that Marco Materazzi - the player butted - was right to say what he said.
But what did he say?
Sources using Italian speaking lip-readers are split. Some say that Materazzi called Zidane - son of Algerian immigrants - "the son of a terrorist whore". Others claim Materazzi wished "an ugly death" to Zidane and his family and then said "go fuck yourself".
Materazzi, for his part, claims he said neither, but does admit he threw an insult.
I don't much like Zidane. He's arrogant - though extremely skilled. But I do agree with him on this. Whatever the provocation, it must have been massive to provoke a seasoned veteran of the game into that kind of rash action in so important a match.
And I, for one, am on his side, despite calling him an "arsehole" before.
Zidane says he can't say he regrets doing it because that would mean that Marco Materazzi - the player butted - was right to say what he said.
But what did he say?
Sources using Italian speaking lip-readers are split. Some say that Materazzi called Zidane - son of Algerian immigrants - "the son of a terrorist whore". Others claim Materazzi wished "an ugly death" to Zidane and his family and then said "go fuck yourself".
Materazzi, for his part, claims he said neither, but does admit he threw an insult.
I don't much like Zidane. He's arrogant - though extremely skilled. But I do agree with him on this. Whatever the provocation, it must have been massive to provoke a seasoned veteran of the game into that kind of rash action in so important a match.
12.7.06
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Like most sequels, of course, your enjoyment of Pirates Of The Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest will depend upon your opinion of the first movie.
I loved the first movie, so I loved the sequel.
Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is once again captain of The Black Pearl, but how he originally became captain is central to the plot. In exchange for the captaincy, Sparrow pledged a century's bondage aboard Davy Jones' (Bill Nighy) legendary ship, The Flying Dutchman.
The deal was for 13 years. Time's up and Davy Jones wants his price.
Meanwhile, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley) have been arrested and sentenced to death by slimey limey Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) for their part in helping Jack escape (see the first movie). Beckett offers Turner a deal. Contact Sparrow and give him a pardon in exchange for the compass he carries (the one that points to the thing you most want in the world) and he and Swan go free. Of course, this is an American movie, and Beckett is English, so you just know he's not going to keep his word.
And Turner might just reconcile with his father (Stellan Skaarsgard) along the way.
Some overused plot devices appear (like: natives mistake white man for god, white man mistake natives for friendly non-cannibals type of thing) but generally it's a rollicking, rolling, epic adventure with knock-out special effects, funny dialogue, excellent supporting cast (Mackenzie Cook from the UK version of The Office is especially hilarious in reprising his role as the wooden-eyed Ragetti).
One word of warning, though. The makers are pulling a Matrix with this. The first movie is a self-contained, finished movie, but the sequel is split over two movies.
Pirates Of The Caribbean III will be a few months, yet (they're still filming it), so don't expect closure. The movie ends with a "to be continued" at what is probably the most suspenseful point.
But, like Matrix, I didn't mind - as long as Pirates Of The Caribbean III doesn't get all frikkin' preachy with us.
I'm looking forward to the third installment - Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End - whenever it's released.
Doombreed Rating: ****1/2
EDIT: It's called The Flying Dutchman, not The Flying Scotsman. Which is a train, not a ship.
I loved the first movie, so I loved the sequel.
Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is once again captain of The Black Pearl, but how he originally became captain is central to the plot. In exchange for the captaincy, Sparrow pledged a century's bondage aboard Davy Jones' (Bill Nighy) legendary ship, The Flying Dutchman.
The deal was for 13 years. Time's up and Davy Jones wants his price.
Meanwhile, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley) have been arrested and sentenced to death by slimey limey Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) for their part in helping Jack escape (see the first movie). Beckett offers Turner a deal. Contact Sparrow and give him a pardon in exchange for the compass he carries (the one that points to the thing you most want in the world) and he and Swan go free. Of course, this is an American movie, and Beckett is English, so you just know he's not going to keep his word.
And Turner might just reconcile with his father (Stellan Skaarsgard) along the way.
Some overused plot devices appear (like: natives mistake white man for god, white man mistake natives for friendly non-cannibals type of thing) but generally it's a rollicking, rolling, epic adventure with knock-out special effects, funny dialogue, excellent supporting cast (Mackenzie Cook from the UK version of The Office is especially hilarious in reprising his role as the wooden-eyed Ragetti).
One word of warning, though. The makers are pulling a Matrix with this. The first movie is a self-contained, finished movie, but the sequel is split over two movies.
Pirates Of The Caribbean III will be a few months, yet (they're still filming it), so don't expect closure. The movie ends with a "to be continued" at what is probably the most suspenseful point.
But, like Matrix, I didn't mind - as long as Pirates Of The Caribbean III doesn't get all frikkin' preachy with us.
I'm looking forward to the third installment - Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End - whenever it's released.
Doombreed Rating: ****1/2
EDIT: It's called The Flying Dutchman, not The Flying Scotsman. Which is a train, not a ship.
11.7.06
one red paperclip: update
Some time ago, I mentioned one red paperclip, a site about a Canadian gent who was trying to trade a single paperclip for a house.
Well, it's done. He's managed it. This is truly incredible. Kyle MacDonald has traded from a paperclip up to a house.
Congrats, Kyle.
Well, it's done. He's managed it. This is truly incredible. Kyle MacDonald has traded from a paperclip up to a house.
Congrats, Kyle.
9.7.06
Germany 2006 Day 25
It seemed only apprpriate that this World Cup final went to a penalty shootout.
I didn't care much about who won - except for a slight sneaking lean towards Italy after that arsehole Zidane was sent off - but I was pleased with the result. Hard-fought, evenly matched, everything that a World Cup final should be.
Italy won, their fourth cup, another star for the shirt.
I'm typing this whilst watching the presentations. France are currently being given their second-place medals, which has to be the most bitter-sweet moment, ever. I'd bet that there's not one French player who is taking any solace in getting second, being in the final. I'll bet that all of them are looking at the trophy they didn't win, and thinking about what might have been.
Congratulations to Italy and commiserations to France.
More amusement from American pronunciation was engendered by the was "Zidane" sounds in the mouth of the commentators. It's eerily close to "Saddam" which is, some might know, the way that both the American media and politicians refer to deposed Iraqi president Saddam Hussein. So, apparently, Saddam had been granted parole from his trial in order to play for the French team, serve as captain, and, indeed, get sent off for that head-butt.
And FIFA screwed up again with the presentation. After all these years, you'd think they'd understand that the winners of the Jules Rimet trophy want to climb on something to lift it. In Japan/Korea 2002, the Brazilians were reduced to a rickety podium that almost spilled the captain and the trophy several times. Here, the Italian captain had to climb on to a table clearly not designed to hold his weight and he, too, almost took a header.
How about, next time, we have some sort of dedicated steps to climb to lift the trophy for the crowd, hmm?
And on to South Africa 2010.
But first: Euro 2008!
I didn't care much about who won - except for a slight sneaking lean towards Italy after that arsehole Zidane was sent off - but I was pleased with the result. Hard-fought, evenly matched, everything that a World Cup final should be.
Italy won, their fourth cup, another star for the shirt.
I'm typing this whilst watching the presentations. France are currently being given their second-place medals, which has to be the most bitter-sweet moment, ever. I'd bet that there's not one French player who is taking any solace in getting second, being in the final. I'll bet that all of them are looking at the trophy they didn't win, and thinking about what might have been.
Congratulations to Italy and commiserations to France.
More amusement from American pronunciation was engendered by the was "Zidane" sounds in the mouth of the commentators. It's eerily close to "Saddam" which is, some might know, the way that both the American media and politicians refer to deposed Iraqi president Saddam Hussein. So, apparently, Saddam had been granted parole from his trial in order to play for the French team, serve as captain, and, indeed, get sent off for that head-butt.
And FIFA screwed up again with the presentation. After all these years, you'd think they'd understand that the winners of the Jules Rimet trophy want to climb on something to lift it. In Japan/Korea 2002, the Brazilians were reduced to a rickety podium that almost spilled the captain and the trophy several times. Here, the Italian captain had to climb on to a table clearly not designed to hold his weight and he, too, almost took a header.
How about, next time, we have some sort of dedicated steps to climb to lift the trophy for the crowd, hmm?
And on to South Africa 2010.
But first: Euro 2008!
THAT flag - the plot thickens
Football365 has made an offer - all their Germany 2006 assorted crap to the person who is responsible for the minge flag. All they must do is send in a snap of themselves with the item in question.
But in a new development, a reader informs F365 that the Minge on the flag may well be the nickname of a friend who is, predictably, ginger*, because the flag also contains the nickname of a mutual friend, Johnny T.
Whilst you're on F365, don't miss their selection of tshirts, including the awesome "I'm English, therefore I drink, swear and queue" and the equally awesome "England: Powered by chips and beer".
*for Americans, and other people who do not understand British humour, including many Brits, the word "minge" is a slang term referring to the female sexual organs. However, a person who is ginger-haired and of the complexion that makes one think that the carpet matches the curtains, so to speak, may often be referred to as "ginge minge", whether male or female.
But in a new development, a reader informs F365 that the Minge on the flag may well be the nickname of a friend who is, predictably, ginger*, because the flag also contains the nickname of a mutual friend, Johnny T.
Whilst you're on F365, don't miss their selection of tshirts, including the awesome "I'm English, therefore I drink, swear and queue" and the equally awesome "England: Powered by chips and beer".
*for Americans, and other people who do not understand British humour, including many Brits, the word "minge" is a slang term referring to the female sexual organs. However, a person who is ginger-haired and of the complexion that makes one think that the carpet matches the curtains, so to speak, may often be referred to as "ginge minge", whether male or female.
Germany 2006 Day 24
Just one match left, and then all those World Cup Widows around the globe can get their significant others back for another four years.
Today saw Germany beat Portugal 3-1, which came as a surprise to absolutely nobody.
Tomorrow brings the final, and I've said all I'm going to say before the match.
Today saw Germany beat Portugal 3-1, which came as a surprise to absolutely nobody.
Tomorrow brings the final, and I've said all I'm going to say before the match.
7.7.06
THAT Flag
I've noticed people finding my blog by way of searching for "minge flag" on various engines. Yes, I saw the minge flag. I saw it during the game and even snapped a very bad picture of it. Now, because I've searched and cannot find any better picture of it, here it is. This is the moment in the England vs Portugal game where Neville goes to take a throw in, and there, in all its glory, is the item in question. Enjoy.
Friday Rodent Blogging
Selene playing hide and seek behind her water bottle. Pretend you can't see her.
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