2006 Bengals Medallion Collection

For most of the last month, our local newspaper has been running a promo where you can collect a commemorative set of Cincinnati Bengals medallions, featuring members of the 2006 squad and of course, the man himself, Coach Marvin Lewis.

Today we got our hands on the last medallion to complete the collection, pictured above.

A thing of beauty.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Well, what a gore fest this was.

Hang on.

This was the prequel to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, right? I mean, what were you expecting?

Yes, this movie lives up to the original in many, many respects. It does neatly introduce all your favourite characters. It sets the scene well.

And there's something worryingly thrilling about watching a slasher flick like this when you know that the bad guys aren't going to get their comeuppance (because they're in the original movie). There's no hope. You're gonna die. You're in a prequel.

The origins of Leatherface, "Sheriff Hoyt", Mama et al are interesting in their own right, but the true genius comes from R. Lee Emery (Hoyt) and his use of the word "balance".

Check it out. I challenge you to not laugh during one of the most disturbing scenes on celluloid.

Great movie. Slasher pic like they used to make.

Doombreed rating * * * * 1/2

England 0-2 Croatia

England against Croatia in a Euro 2008 qualifier.

One goal for each team.

Shame they were both in the same net.

Football. We invented it, and now we'll show the world how to suck at it.

Robocop Vs Terminator

The delectable Mrs Doombreed told me about this video available on YouTube. It is a home-made video - as is just about anything on YouTube - where the user, Zeddyone, has spliced together scenes from both Robocop and Terminator movies and created an amazing-looking short movie.

Robocop vs Terminator.

22nd Praetorian update

Way back here I posted pictures of my command squad, and here I posted pictures of my Rough Riders, both new additions to the legendary "Ironfist's 22", my IG regiment, the 22nd Regiment, Praetorian Imperial Guard.

Today, there has been a change. The command squad has a fourth and final member, a veteran, and both units have been undercoated.

Yep, over six months have passed and they've been undercoated.

It's like watching paint dry, but.. not.

Nancyboys and Fairies League

Well, Bengals are on a bye this week, so I watched some other games.

We saw Indianapolis barely snatching victory from the jaws of defeat against the Titans, a game that was littered with way too many "the underdog Titans at the undefeated Colts" lines for me.

We then watched Dallas, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory at Philadelphia, a game that was heralded by way too much nonsense about useless T.O. and his return to the Eagles stadium. Cowboys QB Drew Bledsoe almost tied the game, and was only able to salvage a defeat by a skillful interception in the dying seconds as he was about to score.

Oh, yeah. Does Bledsoe have video footage of Bill Parcells having sex with goats or something? Maybe evidence of mob connections? How about financial records showing that Parcells hasn't paid tax in the last fifty years?

There has to be some reason why Bledsoe keeps on starting for the Cowboys, despite being, quite simply, as talented a quarterback as my left buttock, and blackmail is the only thing I can think of.

The Bears game wasn't shown, which is a shame because there's nothing funnier than a 40-0 beatdown except, maybe, a 40-0 beatdown where the beatees are allowed a single pity touchdown in the dying minutes of the game.

And now we're watching the Steelers getting a mild beating at the hands of the Chargers who, inexplicably, are playing in This Planet's Most Ridiculous Uniforms.

13-20 with 7 mins 15 secs left to play.

Forge World

Browsing through Games Workshop's Forge World site is an exercise in self control, or, for those of us with no money, an exercise in futile dreaming. Here are the best of the best in models, with prices to match.

New in, for example, are the Death Korps Of Kreig heavy weapons platforms. And beautiful they are, too. As are the Tallarn heavy weapons platforms. And the Elysian Drop Troops are, at least, moderately yummy.

New vehicles abound, like the Arvus Lighter, which is nice in a quirky way, and the Aquila Lander, which is the same. Not quite on the level of my personal favourite in the flyer category, the Thunderbolt, but still worthy contenders.

But, of course, the model to drool over is definitely the Bloodthirster (all 9.5 inches and £125.00 of him).

Aaaannd.. then there's the Thunderhawk Transport which, at £395.00, is probably the most expensive model GW have ever produced.

Now, where are those bloody lottery tickets..?

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene, apparently digging herself in in order to repel some sort of invasion. All she needs is a GPMG and a belt of grenades.

SG-1 R.I.P

I was halfway through writing a review of the milestone 200th episode of Stargate SG-1, entitled, appropriately, "200", when I discovered some news.

Disturbing news.

SG-1 has been cancelled. The Sci-Fi Channel will not be buying any more episodes.

Gateworld, long viewed as the authority on everything under Cheyenne Mountain, confirms the news that, whilst Stargate: Atlantis has been renewed for another season, its older brother has not.

Still, when SG-1 first took off, it was being shown on Showtime and, after five years, they dropped it and Sci-Fi picked it up. This may not be the end of all things SG-1.

MGM owns the rights to SG-1, so there's rumours of a new direction - mini-series, TV movie, or another film - going on.

Still, it's got to feel bad for Ben Browder and Claudia Black who, with Farscape, now have the kiss of death on two shows.

This sounds like one of the worst decisions since Showtime decided to give up - er - SG-1.

Of course, with Dean Devlin getting a deal with MGM to produce the two Stargate sequels he wanted to do in the first place, which will ignore the SG-1 series completely, and carry on as if the last ten years never happened, it's almost enough to make a conspiracy theorist go "hmmm.."

George Carlin HBO special

George Carlin is a stand-up comic, actor, pseudo-philosopher and famous atheist. He's also just released an HBO special.

See it here.

And you can visit Carlin's website here.

WARNING:

The above links are most definitely, completely, utterly, obviously and undeniably NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK.

It is also 1 hour and 14 minutes long, so make sure you have the time to dedicate to watching it.

Well, nothing lasts forever

Feeling much better, so it's back to work tomorrow, so just to fill in the day, here's an interesting story nearly 40 years in the making.

I'm sure that most people are aware of the joke surrounding the 1969 Moon landing, where Neil Armstrong apparently fluffed his lines. On the way to the Moon, Armstrong says, he came up with the now famous phrase "that's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

But then, from the recording, he stuttered at the crucial moment and missed the "a", turning the phrase into "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind".

Well, apparently, he did no such thing. And a $45 computer programme proves it.

Allegedly.

One of the wierd things is that I have always thought that Armstrong intended to say "one small step for man", and never saw that there was anything wrong with it until a few years ago when it was pointed out to me. I mean, one small step for man? That means, like, a small step for man, as in a man, right? Isn't that, I thought, why he put in the difference beween man and mankind?

And, in the final analysis, wouldn't Armstrong be able to settle the argument by saying "Man? A man? Who cares? I was on the Moon, dude! Have you been on the Moon? Didn't think so! So shut up!"

Carnival Of The Godless

Feeling tired and sick tonight, so here's just a quick link to the latest Carnival Of The Godless over at Salto Sobrius.

Some very interesting reading.

Bengals 13 - 38 Patriots

The Bengals fell today to the New England fuckin' Patriots.

My biggest problem with the Patriots - apart from the fact that they just handed the Bengals a defeat - is that they are one of those teams that, shall we say, plays on the edge of the rules. Watching the Patriots play is almost like watching Argentina play.

What pisses me off is that unlike, say, the Eagles, who are known as another of those "slightly less than sportsmanlike" teams, the Patriots are lauded for their style instead of lambasted.

Still, they're not that good. What really hurt the Bengals was piss-poor defence combined with piss-poor offence.

Early on, the Bengals had the Patriots mostly contained, and then it fell apart. Early on, the Bengals were doing very well, and then it fell apart. The Bengals were playing the way they used to when the NFL knew them as "The Bungles".

Shoddy performance, made worse by the commentators' gushing.

Bye week next week, and then it's on to Tampa for the Buccaneers.

3-1-0

The Lost Numbers

Speaking of Lost, here is a linky to a blog called The Lost Numbers Guide, dedicated, strangely enough, to the Lost numbers.

Still sick and still Lost

Okay, Mrs Doombreed and I have reached the end of the first season of Lost, and just one question remains.

How many people play 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 in lotteries around the world?

I wish there was some way to find out.

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene, granting safe passage to the giant hand in return for the pumpkin seed it was carrying.

Time waster

Click. Go. Waste time.

Hat tip to Captnmorgan at AP

Sick and Lost

One good thing to come from being sick, and therefore off work, for the last few days, is that Mrs Doombreed and I have begun watching the first two seasons of Lost.

For those not in the know, Lost is the story of a group of people who survive a 'plane crash on a tropical island, and how they deal with two facts: the first is that nobody knows where they are; the second is that the island would provide storylines for a whole season of The Twilight Zone.

We're about halfway through the first season, and already the show has provided the winner of the Legal Alien Award For The Best Star Trek Reference In Any Show.

Two of our heroes, Locke and Boone, are out a-scouting when Boone makes an off-hand comment about "red shirts" (and any self-respecting Trekkie knows what they are). Locke, not being much of a telly watcher, doesn't get it, so Boone explains about how, whenever the captain and his pointy-eared chum beam down to a planet, they are accompanied by anonymous people in red shirts who, inevitably, die. Locke ponders this for a second before replying:

"Hmmm.. Sounds like a piss-poor captain to me.."

Which, if you think about it, is a fair assessment of a captain who loses crew at the rate Kirk did.

Still a-coughin'

Yeah, still sick, but getting a little better. The antibiotics and the lung sucker are helping.

But before I head up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire (as my dad used to say), I just wanted to pass a comment on this story (a la Beeb) which breaks the news that GCSE maths will no longer involve coursework. This is because some no-doubt expensive committee went and looked and found that - gasp - perfect answers to mathematical questions were available on the Internet. Education Secretary Alan Johnson said there was "increased concerns" over whether or not students were doing all their own work.

Well duh!!

That, my dear Mr Johnson, is the very reason my teachers gave me as to why GCSE maths was a 100% examination subject when I took the course.

And that was fifteen years ago.

The Labour party: Tough on intelligence, tough on the causes of intelligence.

Sick report

Yesterday's "feeling sick" has turned into today's full-blown coughing and wheezing attacks, which led to a trip to see the doctor and a diagnosis of bronchitis. One inhaler and a bunch of antibiotics and I'm merely feeling sub-human.

koff-koff-hack-hack

G'night.

P.s. This whole coughing and hacking came to me via Mrs Doombreed, who came down with a cold late last week and, by Sunday, had infected yours truly.

At least we're being miserable together.

Hey hey, we're the monkeys!

Feeling sick right now, so here's a quick link to an entertaining short film that points out some uncomfortable truths for those of us who haven't already taken off the rose-coloured glasses.

We're all just monkeys

Hat tip tp B-cup (and AgingHippy) at AP.

Bengals 28-20 Steelers

Well, that was sweet. Interceptions, fumbles, sacks, stupidity and a victory. Palmer and the Bengals taking revenge on the Steelers that knocked them out of the playoffs last time. Nice.

Roethlisberger, the Steelers' QB, was still looking a little uncomfortable, which may have something to do with the recent motorcycle crash and emergency appendectomy.

Houshmandzadeh, the Bengal who rivals Roethlisberger in both the hard-to-pronounce and longest surname categories, caught two excellent passes, and so did the more commentator-friendly Chris Henry.

A thoroughly enjoyable game, marred slightly by the fact that the commentators were apparently getting paid on a "per Palmer vs Van Oelhoffen reference" basis.

3-0-0.

Gas prices, once more

Remember way back when, in the early birth pangs of this very blog, that I commented that gas (petrol) prices in the US were climbing around $2.50 per gallon?

Well, now they are finally back down to below $2.00 per gallon. Not much below $2.00 (my nearest station is charging $1.99 9/10 per gallon), but still, not bad.

For our British chums, that's 52 8/10 cents, or 27 79/100 pence per litre.

Hmm..

At petrolprices.com, the petrol in my old home town is hovering around the 89 1/2 pence per litre mark.

Pthbthbt.

Good news for the motorists. Bad news for the Democrats, who were, it seemed, building some momentum going into this November's mid-term elections, from the average American-about-town's growing exasperation with having to mortgage the house and sell a kid every time they wanted to fill up their car.

Nicely timed, that whole "finding a massive oil pocket in the Gulf of Mexico" business, huh?

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene, troubled by tonight's overenthusiastic thunderstorm, takes to chewing on some cardboard in order to alleviate her stress.

Whole committees have been formed in order to study what, if any, the differences are between her "chewing on cardboard in order to alleviate stress" chew, her "chewing on cardboard to keep her teeth ground down" chew, and her "chewing on cardboard for the sake of chewing" chew.

Believe me, I know a stress-relief chew when I see one.

A Very Special Day

Today is the anniversary of the day that Mrs Doombreed and I became, well, Mrs Doombreed and I.

That's right. Today is our anniversary. The anniversary of the day that I became the luckiest man alive, when the most wonderful woman in the universe became my wife.

So go find something else with which to entertain yourself.

May I suggest The Ring - In 30 Seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies)?

Or Brokeback Mountain?

Much kudos to Tain at AP for the links.

Coffin riding

Steve Irwin has been dead for two weeks, and already the ghouls are jumping on his coffin.

In a spectacularly loathsome stunt, a church in Australia is claiming that Steve Irwin "came to Christ" two weeks before he died.

Irwin was private about his faith (or lack thereof). He did have a ceremony where members of the Buddhist faith blessed his children shortly after they were born, and he did remark, often, on his work with "god's creatures", but he was also an outspoken opponent of so-called "intelligent design theory" and regularly talked about the value of teaching real science, especially to children.

This, I guess, led to his life becoming a worthy target for the "everyone believes in god whether they admit it or not" gang, and, true to form, they started this rumour.

Frankly, I don't care. Irwin brought joy to millions, advanced the cause of conservation beyond everyone's - except, I'll bet, his own - wildest dreams, enlightened and entertained us beyond measure.

But the fact that some people who are allegedly devoted to The Bible are prepared to lie about him raises my hackles.

Bengals: update

Tonight's Monday Night Football game (which saw the Jacksonville Jaguars hand a hard-fought 9-0 defeat to the Steelers) carried the announcement that Bengals' Linebacker David Pollack, injured in yesterday's game, has a broken neck.

NFL.com reports it as "a neck injury" which, they say, ends his season, though he's expected back next season.

Bengals.com goes into more detail. Pollack, apparently, suffered a fracture to his C-6 vertebra (the sixth cervical vertebra, near the base of the neck) but that, luckily, there appears to be no damage to the spinal cord.

Speedy recovery, dude.

Bengals 34-17 Browns

This was a hard game. Not the score, though. The Bengals dominated throughout, and the Browns never really looked like they were in it. What was hard was that it seemed that the Browns had decided that, if they couldn't win, they'd take as many Bengals down with them as possible.

Rich Braham, Dexter Jackson and David Pollack went out from injuries. In the final quarter, Chad Johnson was hit so hard (and, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't deliberate helmet-to-helmet tackling a penalty?) that his helmet flew off and he was left with a gash on his chin that soaked the collar of his shirt with blood, and required stitches. Several other players received injuries of the "cuts, scrapes and bruises" variety.

Still, a win's a win.

Next, we have the Steelers. Current Superbowl Champions, and the team that knocked the Bengals out of the playoffs last year.

But, 'till then..

2-0-0

Disillusionment

Y'know, I was getting used to all of the "Jesus/Mary is in my [insert material/item in which, or on which, a vaguely blobby shape has been found]" crap that goes on over here, best exemplified by the utterly stupid "Our Lady Of The Underpass" or The Virgin Mary Mother Of God and her appearance in a grilled cheese sandwich. It's curious that these mysterious "appearances" in various pieces of completely coincidental stains/reflections/grains are most often found in 3rd world countries or the US.

Well, apparently, people in England are also that stupid.

In a gift to the so-called pro-life lobby, an English couple have an ultrasound scan of their baby, with Jesus keeping watch over the lil tyke as he sleeps.

Jesus is, apparently, a goat. Or a camel. Or grotesquely deformed.

Or, it's not Jesus and it's, maybe, the baby's arm? Or part of the umbilical cord?

Still, whatever gets you through the day..

Friday Rodent Blogging

This week's FRB is going in a different direction, and Selene is a little upset at being rousted from her usual top billing.

The above picture is of a member of the small colony of chipmunks that live outside our house. As yet, they haven't been named, although there are three names that spring to mind..

Okay, five..

Revenge On The 'Rays

From Australia comes the distressing news that stingrays are turning up dead and mutilated around Queensland, in what police say may be fans retaliating over the death of This World's Greatest Bloke, Steve Irwin.

I don't know what's more ridiculous. The idea that Irwin's fans would do this - when it is the very antithesis of what the man stood for - or that the coppers so easily leaped to this conclusion.

Hat tip to 3vil g3nius.

Rock Star: Supernova

Well, another season of Rock Star is over.

And we ended up with Lukas Rossi.

Words cannot even begin to express the depths of my disappointment with this decision. Had the band picked Magni or Toby, Mrs Doombreed and I swore, we would buy their album and we would have tried to go see them on tour.

Either of the two guys would have had Supernova smashing their way onto the rock scene with a blast that would be creating waves decades from now.

We are eagerly anticipating both guy's solo (or band?) albums.

Lukas? Not so much.

I'm going to borrow from an old Kit Kat ad from the UK:

You can't sing. You can't dance. You look awful.

Seriously, he sings like someone just shoved a lemon up his arse and I've seen people on fire move better. The finale performance, where Lukas joined up with the band to sing Be Yourself & 5 Other Cliches, was the proof. Be Yourself is the all-new Supernova track first performed with Toby, and comparing the two just showed the massive chasm between the two artists. Toby's version was energetic, powerful, and exciting. Lukas' attempt was limp. It was like Talentless Fanboy Night at the karaoke bar.

At least they didn't go with Dilana. That would have been an unspeakable mess.

And a California judge says Tommy, Gilby, Jason and Lukas cannot call themselves "Supernova" until the lawsuit is settled.

Meh.

Check out Toby's original song Throw It Away and and Magni's When The Time Comes.

Banksy's at it again

Guerrilla artist Banksy, fresh from taking a pot shot at Paris Hilton, has taken a pot-shot at the Bush administration.

He recently placed a life-sized model of a Guantanamo bay detainee in a ride at Disneyland in California. Some better shots here.

5 years on

I think they might yank my Licence To Blog if I don't at least mention that today is the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

Of course, mentioning such - as seemingly every blog in the universe did, and every newspaper, and every TV news show, not to mention Monday Night Football on ESPN, and a myriad of other shows on TV, radio, the Internet - presupposes that you are so dumb you don't know that today is the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

But it is.

I'm going to make no comment on the subject of 9/11. There's enough political rhetoric and opprtunistic coffin-riding being spewed all over the world on a day that should be about simple remembrance.

Bengals 23-10 Chiefs

The Bengals won their season opener against the Chiefs 23-10, in a stunning game marred by the injury to Kansas City's QB Trent Green, left unconscious on the field after what may or may not have been a brutal hit by Cincinnati DE Robert Geathers.

Green is reported to have suffered "pretty severe head trauma".

I'm sure all NFL fans wish him a speedy recovery and a swift return to the game.

1-0-0.

Speaking of which..

I'm in love..

Triumph

I went to check out the website of Triumph, Britain's second-greatest bike manufacturer (Norton, in case you were wondering).

www.triumph.co.uk

Can anyone tell me why it's in German?!

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene, plotting her escape. Yesterday we found wire cutters, a shovel made out of a tin can, and faked German identity papers in her house.

The Wicker Man

Y'know, our luck has been weird recently. When Mrs Doombreed and I have gone to the movies over the last few months, our choice of movies has either been excellent - The Illusionist, Invincible, Snakes On A Plane - or has been crap, like The Descent.

Well, you can add The Wicker Man to that last category.

Dire. Really, really dire.

Edward Malus (Nicholas Cage) is a police officer in California. In a bizarre opening series, Malus is involved in an accident where a mother and daughter are killed, but later finds out that no bodies were recovered from the car - and the car wasn't registered anywhere. Malus then gets a letter from an ex-fiancee of his, Willow (Kate Beahan), saying that her daughter, Rowan (Erika-Shaye Gair) has gone missing. Enclosed is a picture of Rowan. It's the girl from the car. Malus chases off to Summersisle and, though all the locals deny that the Rowan ever existed, makes his way, through an improbable series of events and weirdness, to the end of this painful movie.

Seriously, the plot has more holes than the PGA, the dialogue is stilted and horrible (Beahan, especially, seems constitutionally unable to complete any sentence), and our hero is about as dumb, arrogant, and unlikable as most people around the world assume all Americans are.

This is a remake of a classic British movie. The original, by the same title, was made in 1973 and is widely hailed as one of the most disturbing films ever made, and is a supremely agile tale of religions coming into conflict. The new version is widely hailed, by me, as a piece of crap not worthy of a footnote in any book that describes the original.

Doombreed rating: 1/2

Another milestone

And that post, the review of The Illusionist, was my 500th post.

Woo hoo, and all that.

The Illusionist

The Illusionist is, sadly, the kind of movie that will, in all likelihood, be spoiled for you if you don't go see it soon.

With this in mind, there will be two reviews. One in plain sight, one that you'll have to highlight to read.

Here's the first:

Awesome movie, just awesome. This is one of those movies that you will have to be prepared to suspend your disbelief if you're going to enjoy it. Go in with an open mind and you'll love it.

Eisenheim (Edward Norton) is an illusionist, plying his trade in early 20th century Vienna (that's Austria, not Virginia). His show brings him into conflict with Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell) and reunites him with his childhood love, Duchess Sophie (Jessice Biel). What follows is a twisting tale of illusion, romance, and revenge.

Beautifully done.

Okay, now for the second one.

This movie has a twist. A BIG twist. The reason why I consider this information to be a spoiler is because foreknowledge tends to lead to far too much scrutiny. The only reason I was able to figure out Unbreakable and Sixth Sense was because everyone made such a big deal about them and I was watching for the twist from the opening credits. The clues, in this movie, are there, but you're not supposed to put them together until the very end.

Too many reviewers are scoffing about how they figured it out early. Personally, I think that's crap, but if they want to believe that, it's their bag.

The twist is elegant. Clues exist, especially with hindsight. We never see Leopold strike Sophie with his sword. We see Eisenheim conversing with the man who later identifies himself as Sophie's family doctor. We see this man prevent the police from performing an examination of her body. The "spirit" kids that Eisenheim "raises" in the theater are the kids he did tricks for earlier in the movie. They even show you how the trick is done, albeit in a very crude fashion. And then, of course, Eisenheim promises Sophie that he will make them both disappear. There are many more clues, but many are subtle, most are too subtle to spot without knowing the ending.

The scene at the end where Chief Inspector Uhl (Paul Giamatti) finally puts it all together is one of the most breathtaking pieces of cinematography I've seen in a long time.

No, I did not see this one coming.

Doombreed rating: * * * * *

What Have You Been Reading?

I was recently tagged by Notorious Apostate to partake in the "What Have You Been Reading?" meme. I have been strenuously avoiding anything approaching hard typing, but I can't put it off any longer. Here's a glimpse into The Horror That Is Doombreed:

1: One book that changed your life:

Billions & Billions by Carl Sagan.

This was Sagan's last book, in fact, he died before he could properly finish it and the afterword was written by his widow. From a lightly humourous look at our global ecosystem in The World That Came In The Mail, to a deceptively simple look at very large numbers in The Persian Chessboard, from a darkly worrying treatise on global warming in Ambush: The Warming Of The World, to a surprisingly hopeful piece on cooperation called Religion and Science: An Alliance, Sagan weaves his magic over science in an eye-opening book of this great man's last thoughts.

The afterword, though, is almost the most powerful part of all. Ann, Sagan's widow, writes a heart-wrenching account of her husband's last days, his courage against adversity and and the simple, overwhelming love they shared, and I, unashamedly, cried the first time I read it.

2: One Book You've Read More Than Once:

Night Watch by Terry Pratchett.

I read most books more than once, but Night Watch probably counts as the one I've read the most. Certainly, it's one of Pratchett's best.

3: One Book You'd Want On A Desert Island

This is a toughie. My first instinct is to cheat and think of a compendium, like The Lord Of The Rings, or The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, or something. Then I think of something silly, like Building A Boat And Getting The Hell Off Of A Desert Island For Dummies. Okay, then I think of being typically me and asking for The Bible so I'll always have firelighters.

Then I settle on The Hunt For Red October by Tom Clancy. I could, and have, read that book over and over and over again.

4: One Book That Made You Giddy:

The Messianic Legacy by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh & Henry Lincoln.

This book made my head spin. The incredible evidence for a 2000 year coverup of the truth about Christianity's origins is just breathtaking.

5: One Book You Wish Had Been Written:

U.S. Road Cav.

In the late eighties, a British company called Games Workshop started to publish novels based around their table-top roleplaying games. Several were printed for Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000, and some were published for a now-defunct game called Dark Future.

The game, set in the near-future, dealt with a blasted, wasted world, ruled over by gangs and the big corporations. The books were, originally, Route 666, Daemon Download, Comeback Tour, and Krokodil Tears, and traced the gathering of forces towards some massive apocalyptic End Of Days style final battle type of thing.

The fifth book in the series was supposed to be U.S. Road Cav, but GW dropped the Dark Future line before it was published.

6: One Book That Wracked You With Sobs:

Apart from Billions & Billions (see above), I would have to say The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings.

Kurik's death, and Talen's subsequent revenge. 'Nuff said.

7: One Book You Wish Had Never Been Written:

The Railway Children by Edith Nesbit.

It's not a bad book, per se, it's just that I was forced to read it at school, and then forced to watch the BBC TV version of it. And now this supremely useless crap is taking up space in my already overtaxed brain.

8: One Book You're Currently Reading:

The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

Is there any need for explanation beyond that fact that this is the greatest five-book trilogy ever written?

9: One Book You're Meaning To Read:

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk.

I'm told that the book differs considerably from the movie, so I'm interested in picking up a copy, if I can ever find one.

10: Now Tag Five Bloggers:

(who will hate me for doing so)

3vil g3nius
Simon
Marindazza

And.. I'm out of ideas..

Steve Irwin, RIP

Well, I see the news has spread all over the world. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, was killed whilst swimming off of Australia's north coast.

He was filming a documentary on tiger sharks when a stingray speared him with its barbed tail. He was dead by the time he reached hospital.

This is weird news. I always thought Irwin would go out with a crocodile, or some venomous snake. Stingray attacks are so rare that this marks only the third time in recorded history that a human has died this way.

Contrary to the opinions already being spouted all over the Internet, Irwin wasn't aggravating the stingray in anyway before the incident, according to Australian police who have viewed the footage being filmed at the time. Sadly, it cannot be long before this footage is "leaked" and finds its way onto the Internet, if it hasn't already.

Irwin did for conservation what Carl Sagan did for science. He had an easy way of making things simple, and getting his point across in the clearest possible terms.

Irwin was so loved in Australia that he will receive a state funeral, if that is what his family wants.

A sad loss for the world.

Banksy's at it again

Meet Banksy.

He put a caveman rock drawing of a guy with a shopping trolley in the British Museum and it stayed there for 3 days before anyone noticed.

Then he daubed pictures on Israel's Berlin Wall Mk II.

Now he's gone after Paris Hilton and her debut album by swapping the CDs for his own remixed versions.

Quick! Someobody buy that man a beer!

Snakes On A Plane ... Reality Show?

I was listening to the local radio station yesterday when the DJ made mention of rumours of a new reality show based around the movie Snakes On A Plane.

So, I checked it out and, indeed, Craigslist is sending out an apparently genuine casting call for just such a series:

Synopsis: 20 contestants (10 male/10 female) travel by commercial aircraft to 10 different cities around the world. With the crew and pilots secure, the contestants will share the cabin area with 200 snakes. 5 of the 200 are poisonous. Each flight will be between 5 -12 hours in length. The reward at the end of each flight will be a day spent in luxury visiting the exotic destination city. Contestants can then choose to fly 3 friends out and extend their visit for week, all expense paid OR get back on the flight for the next leg of the competition. If at any time a contestant is bit by any of the 5 poisonous snake, antivenom will be administered and they will be eliminated.

This is either the dumbest idea in the history of television, or the smartest (or, it's a hoax). I can't decide which.

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene is trying out for the World Box-Chewing Championships. That box was intact thirty-five seconds before the picture was taken.

Ironic, no?

I was about to come on here and write some lyrical praise of my new adopted hometown. Three years I've been living here and, as I was going to post, my impression is, overall, hugely favourable, especially when compared to the hole I used to live in.

And then some fucker keyed our new car.

New car. As in: less than a month old. As in: less than 200 miles on it. As in: tank's only been filled once.

In the colour that my wife, Mrs Doombreed, had to fight to get, because she just loves that particular shade of metallic blue.

Keyed, as in: some fuckhead dragged a key across the rear driver's side door.

Fuck the world.

Mrs Doombreed and I are so pissed right now.

The Descent

Poor movie. Really poor.

It started out fairly well. But then it went downhill.

The Descent claims to be the goriest movie ever made, and if it wasn't for a little flick called Braindead, I would agree. The gore is huge in this movie, but so over the top that it's just not believable.

We see blood gushing from even the most minor wounds, and one weird scene where there is literally a lake of blood.

There's some rambling sub-plot about marital infidelity and coping with loss, and some largely pointless character development that doesn't do much for the film.

This is not an intelligent horror movie. Nor does it fall into the category of "so bad it's good". But if all you want is a gory movie that occasionally makes you jump, you'll be mostly satisfied.

Doombreed rating: * *

Action Man

Time for a melancholy remembrance.

When I was growing up, I had some toys called Action Man, made by a company called Palitoy.

Action Man was fantastic. England's original action figure, and over the years a multitude of outfits were produced. My favourite was the SAS trooper, but I also had the Space Ranger Captain, a standard "soldier" figure, and, yes, no prejudice here, a WWII German army officer's uniform.

I even had young adult novels about Action Man.

Action Man changed over the years. His hands went from moulded plastic to rubber, so he could grip his stuff. He gained "eagle eyes", movable eyes operated by a lever on the back of his head, and he later gained the ability to speak, albeit via a pull-string operated device with around six or so phrases. He had different hair - all regulation military cut - and sometimes a beard, but always the same scar on his cheek.

Then came Action Force.

Action Force was simply a smaller scale Action Man. A lot of his outfits were represented, including that SAS trooper, which I then had in both scales. I had the Para, the Commando, the Frogman, the Ground Assault (although, one of my friends stole that one), the Mission Pilot, and the SAS Frogman. I also had the AF-3, a jeep with a roof that became a boat.

Later, Action Force was split into four forces. Q-Force, SAS force, Z-Force, and Space Force, and now we had an enemy force, the Red Shadows, led by the infamous Baron Ironblood.

And, it was fun. Their adventures were immortalised in a weekly comic called "Battle Action Force" (which was really an older comic - Battle - with a few Action Force stories thrown in).

Then, it all went to shit.

Action Force changed. Each figure had his own name. Multi-jointed figures who were previously available were repackaged and rebranded. The driver of the SAS jeep was renamed from "Stalker" to "Snake Eyes" and sold on his own. Quarrel, the rider of the Z-Force motorcycle was branded "Scarlett". Hunter was evicted from the Wolverine and replaced by some dude called "Ton-Up". Red Jackal was pulled from his Hyena and, against his will and through a lame storyline, forced to become Destro.

And Baron Ironblood went though the world's most ridiculous transformation to become "Cobra Commander".

Shortly thereafter, Action Force became G.I. Joe: The Action Force, and it wasn't long before they dropped the Action Force bit altogether.

And, like Opal Fruits and Marathon bars, Action Force were swallowed up and destroyed by American marketing gurus determined to rebrand the world in their image.

And just look at what they've done to Action Man!

Still, it's good to see some out there are keeping the faith.

Long live Action Man, and his little brothers, the Action Force. The kids today may not know your glory, but you helped me through my childhood and I'll never forget you.

Go Bengals!

At time of writing, the Bengals are handing a beating to the Green Bay Packers, 48-17, in their third preseason game.

So, with a 19-3 win over the Redskins, and a 44-31 win over the Bills, this makes for a nice precursor to the 2006 season.

And, at time of writing this sentence, the game is over and the 48-17 score is final.

A nice welcome back for our boy Carson Palmer.

Pluto vote 'hijacked' in revolt

Okay, remember how, just a few short days ago, astronomers voted to demote Pluto from a planet to a "dwarf planet"?

Well, it seems that some Pluto fans are getting their knickers in a twist over the vote.

And, with all the wearying inevitability of an early England exit from the World Cup, some bugger has decided to take the debate to the bumper.

Invincible

We went to see Invincible today. Now, I'm no NFL fanatic, and I'm certainly no Philadelphia Eagles fan, but I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.

The year is 1976. The Eagles suck hard. They've just finished a horrifically bad season and a new head coach, Dick Vermeil (Greg Kinnear), is brought in to turn the team around.

This movie is the based-around-the-true-story story of Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg), a no-hope, no-shot, 30-year old bartender who turned up to an open try-out and impressed the head coach enough to be invited back to training camp.

Papale showed enough skill and determination that Vermeil gave him a shot in the regular team, and for three seasons, Papale was considered by many to be the heart of the team.

The movie cleverly recreates the actual football games going on in the season in question and the plays are (apparently) fairly well recreated. Some licence has, apparently, been taken with Papale's background and his performance, but Eagle's fans are satisfied with the result.

But more important than that, the movie works. Mrs Doombreed is, as I've mentioned, a Cowboys' fan, and - for those not in the know, the Cowboys are in the same division as the Eagles, and this is a huge rivalry - even she was pulling for Papale.

The movie, as its backdrop, shows how bad things were in Philadelphia at the time and, given that the Eagles were the only thing most people had going for them, why the fans were so angry at their team's performance.

It's a classic "feel-good" movie. It's the story of the underdog makes good, the losers fight back, the people nobody thought could succeed going out and succeeding.

I liked it. I really did.

Doombreed rating: * * * *

Catholic Church Gets It Wrong Again

Auntie Beeb carries a story about Artur Boroc, goalie for Celtic, who was cautioned for "offensive behaviour" during a match on the 12th February against Rangers. Boroc made several gestures to the crowd during the match which the Crown Office deemed to have "provoked alarm and crowd trouble and as such constituted a breach of the peace", and said it had taken action "based upon an assessment of behaviour, not one single act, which appeared to be directed at the crowd which was being incited by the behaviour and which caused the police to intervene and calm the crowd".

One of the gestures in question was Boroc crossing himself, the old Catholic "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" routine, which was viewed, along with the other gestures he was making, to be an insult and provocation towards Rangers' largely Protestant fans.

Of course, the Catholic Church went into overdrive and immediately put their foot in their mouth. Apparently, they're having a hissy fit because Boroc was cautioned for using "a gesture" (it was more than one) that is "simply religious in nature" (no, it's more than that, it's specifically Catholic in nature) and that Scotland had made this gesture "an offence" (no, it was the entire performance that was the offence, not just the Catholic gesture).

I guess it's to be expected - martyr complex and all that - but it just seems annoying that they've come out all indignant about their religion - the biggest, richest, most widespread and most powerful religion in the history of the world - being persecuted, especially when the persecution is 100% imaginary.

Still, as I said, it's to be expected, but it doesn't make it any less eyerolling for that.

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene auditions for a part in next summer's blockbuster hit movie: Gerbils On A Plane. Samuel L. Jackson has not, at time of writing, signed on for this project.

The Votes Are In..

..and Pluto is no longer a planet.

Apparently, a group of astronomers got together in Prague and decided that we only have eight planets in our solar system.

Well, not quite. Pluto is the first celestial body to be included in a new category called "dwarf planets". So we have eight and one half planets.

Well, not quite. Pluto is joined by a rock which glorys in the name 2003 UB313, another big rock called Ceres, and Charon, Pluto's moon.

So eight and four half planets.

Quite what this does to the elegant mouse that sits under new potatoes remains to be seen.

China acts on funeral strippers

Okay, interesting news from China. Apparently it's quite common in some areas to have strippers at a funeral.

Nope, This is not a joke. Apparently, local belief is that the more people attend your funeral, the more you are honoured. Get some hot young things taking off their clothes, and people will attend. Seems logical, right?

Well, that's not the news. Lately, the Chinese authorities have been cracking down on what they call "obscene performances" (yeah, now why does that sound familiar?) and have banned them.

In a sadly usual non-twist, authorities are also encouraging people to snitch on their neighbours and have set up a hotline to allow them to do so with ease.

Because, as we all know, consenting adults watching consenting adults taking their clothes off is the single worst thing that can happen to a person.

Snakes On A Plane

Yes, Mrs Doombreed and I went to see Snakes On A Plane today.

First, let's talk about what's wrong with the movie:

...

Okay, now we turn to what's right.

Everything.

This movie is unashamedly entertaining. The plot is, as far as it goes, pretty good. The characters are largely believable. The script is okay. The acting is okay.

But all of that is irrelevant. There are snakes on a plane. Snakes, to quote the man himself, on crack on a plane.

I really didn't think they made movies like this anymore. This was 100%, pure, unadulterated, unapologetic eye candy. The snakes were beautifully done. The deaths were shocking and horrific. There were multiple jump points. There was Samuel L. Jackson uttering the immortal line about motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. There was no juvenile humour, no treating us, the audience, as too dumb to appreciate a good movie.

There were, sure, nitpicks. There was virtually no character development for many of the main characters. Jackson's character was an FBI agent. Just an FBI agent. He wasn't "the country's top FBI agent", he wasn't "an FBI agent on the eve of retirement", he wasn't "an FBI agent burned out from everything he's witnessed", he wasn't a Gulf War veteran, or a racist learning to appreciate white folk, he wasn't divorced* (we don't even know if he was married), he didn't have estranged kids he was lamenting over, he didn't have a drug or booze problem, there was no seeking redemption, no life-affirming voyages of self-discovery.

And, y'know, that's a refreshing change.

This movie has no chance of winning an Oscar, and will probably not get a single nomination. It makes no social comment, no big point. It doesn't deal with issues in a sensible, mature way. It does not explore the human condition, the boundaries of mind, the interaction of intellect, innerspace, the soul, karma, or the development of being. It makes no statement about the state of the world. It deals with nothing, tackles nothing.

It is one hundred and five minutes of pure cinematic entertainment.

You will be startled. You will be scared. You will be horrified. You will be grossed out. But you will be entertained.

Doombreed rating: * * * * * * (the elusive sixth star. This movie is that good)

*EDIT: Thanks to the diligence of Mrs Doombreed, I'm able to correct this before someone points it out. In fact, Jackson's character does state that he and his partner had been working together through "one failed marriage - each", so he was married and then divorced, but, unlike in, say, 16 blocks, this was a throwaway line and not central to the character.

30 pieces of wisdom to live by

Via email:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager

Some time ago, I linked to a blog called "My Boring Best" (and, in an unforgivable oversight, forgot to add said blog to my blogroll), concerning a post about "Jimmigration".

Well, Jim has done it again, this time with a link to a hilarious short called "Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager"

Stop whatever you are doing, click that link, and go watch it.

Go.

Go now.

Touched By His Noodly Appendage

The Flying Spaghetti Monster, apparently feeling left out of all of the appearing-in-random-pieces-of-crap that various other deities are doing, decided to top them all with this amazing display.

Truly, we are all touched by His Noodly Appendage.

Ramen.

Hat tip to Princess Buttercup at AP.

Motherf**king Snakes on a Motherf**king Plane!

Below is a clip from The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, where Samuel L. Jackson guests to promote yesterday's hottest release, Snakes On A Plane:



There is something very encouraging in seeing an actor as enthusiastic for a role as Mr Jackson is.

Snakes On A Plane has spawned a veritable cornucopia of movies on YouTube, ranging from the bad to the worse. From parody trailers like Alligators On A Escalator (sic) to shorts like Snakes In A Van, to the just plain weird Snakes on a Plane! (parody). But, as always, the best will be the one which draws on outdated computergame references and comes up with All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us.

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene tours her kingdom in the Rolling Ball Of Death, the chariot from which she will be launching her campaign of world domination.

A year of being Legal

One year ago to the day, I posted this.

Yep, that's right. My blog is, today, one year old. One year of my peculiar brand of wierdness going out into the world. One year of jokes, links, rants, pictures of rodents, new bits, old bits, funny stuff, and not-so-funny stuff.

I appear to have attracted a few regular readers. Certainly, a few of the same locations keep on popping up on the mapstats page.

That's right, Big Brother is alive, and his name is Doom.

I know that at least one would be one or other of my mates in England, who apparently miss me so much they need to check up on my blog for all the news.

Well, regular readers or not, I'd like to thank you for tuning in and wasting your time here. We know you have a choice when you waste time, so thank you for choosing us.

A big thanks to Shadow Blog, Englishman Turning American, Bligby, Diamond Geezer, and 3vil g3nius, all of whom either have me in their blogrolls or have linked to me for one reason or another.

Here's to many more years to come.

Absence of evidence

Note: This post was started a few weeks ago, and then consigned to the 'save as draft' graveyard. A conversation at work prompted me to drag it out and finish it.

Doom.

I caught the tail end of a programme on WLJC, the religious network, concerning humans and dinosaurs coexisting.

At first, it was promising. A guest, one Dr Kurt Wise, was talking to the host, one Dwight Nelson. Nelson asked Wise about what evidence existed concerning this idea. Wise was clear - no such evidence exists. He even went as far as to shoot down some of the more famous creationist trophies - supposed evidence of human/dinosaur coexistence which are usually faked or are badly misinterpreted bits of rock - with casual ease.

But then came the change that I should really have known was coming.

This paleontologist, this alleged man of science, then went on to explain that the total lack of evidence is irrelevant because there is 'scriptural evidence' of coexistence. As if that means anything.

But what evidence? The bible never mentions dinosaurs. Ever. Not even once. That big huge frikkin' lizards were stomping around the landscape warrants not a single line in this book that is supposed to account the entire history of the world. And that, it's plain to see, is because dinosaurs were unknown when it was written. Just like science fiction of a hundred-or-so years ago often depicted people walking around on the moon breathing freely. Science just did not know there was no atmosphere up there, just as the writers of the manuscripts that became the bible were unaware of the huge and varied history of the Earth.

Wise's argument was typically theistic.

We know that the dinosaurs existed once. We know that they no longer do. Ergo, they died out. Death didn't exist in the world until humans committed sin. Ergo, dinosaurs and humans must have existed together.

Never mind that there is no actual, real, scientific evidence of such a coexistence, never mind that the very scriptures he is relying on make no mention of such a coexistence.

However, I don't want to waste time debunking this piece of idiotic non-logic. What I wanted to write about connects both of the two points in the paragraph above, that of lack of evidence.

'Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence' is the psuedo-scientific 'rule' which is often quoted, especially when retorting to the charge that the evidence does not support the coexistence assertion.

The problem is that it's true - sort of. The way it was taught to me at school was 'absence of proof is not proof of absence.'

The difference is vastly important. Scientists must be cautious of tossing around the word 'proof' too easily. Proof is something science rarely deals with. Science most often simply works on evidence.

As a good example, consider the solar system. Whilst science has gathered so much evidence that the sun is in the centre and the planets - including the Earth - orbit around it that it would be perverse in the extreme to claim anything else, science has not yet 'proved' this to be true. The orbital model of the solar system is a theory. A theory which is supported by a mountain of extremely persuasive evidence and backed up by every possible observation, but a theory nonetheless.

So, does absence of evidence ever mean anything?

Yes. Oh yes. Often, absence of evidence can be every bit as meaningful as the presence of evidence, especially when one can reasonably expect to find such.

For example, as above, The Bible is supposed to be an accounting of the entire history of the world. We know dinosaurs existed, so if both are true, one has a reasonable expectation that these creatures would be mentioned somewhere. Anywhere. Big lizards. Big honking lizards. Big honking lizards, some of which would view humans as a tasty snack. Big honking lizards eating people and crushing things every time they sit down. Oh yeah, we can be reasonably sure that any real eyewitness account of the history of the planet would mention a few of those.

Or the event that - theory has it - wiped them out. We have proof that, many thousands of years ago, this planet often got hit by Very Large Rocks From Space. Some of these VLRFSs were so huge that the dust and ash the impact threw up blotted out the sun for months.

And the bible does not mention these.

On a more scientific note, absence of evidence is meaningful in many ways. When using an ammeter to measure electric current, a measurement of 0 amps is taken to mean 'no current is flowing'. Nobody in their right mind would declare 'there may or may not be a current which we cannot detect for some reason (possibly through Intelligent Electron Moving) so we cannot say for certain that there is no current.'

No, there's no current. Get over it.

There is a complete lack of evidence for a trillion-ton bar of chocolate orbiting Saturn. Should we assume, just to be on the safe side, that such a chocolate bar exists?



This post is dedicated to the Invisible Pink Unicorn, bless her holy hooves.

Gimme Your Stuff

Gimme Your Stuff is a fascinating blog about people from different countries swapping stuff with each other.

The lastest trade was between Japan and New Jersey, before that, England and Illinois. People just put stuff up for trade, virtually anything and everything. Okay, it's mostly candy, but there are some awesome trades like when Dave from Perth and Lisa from New York exchanged beers.

Can there be a higher calling for a website than the free and frank exchange of beer?

Pulse

We went to see Pulse yesterday, and it was good.

It's basically your "technology comes back to bite us in the arse" storyline, but from a fresh angle.

On friday, Josh (Jonathan Tucker) killed himself. Two days later, he sends his friends a message.

Yep, that's in the trailer. And it gets wierder from there.

Things - and they can only be described as "things" - are appearing and sucking the life out of people. It seems to be related to something Josh found whilst hacking another computer, and, from there, to some experiments being run with a new communications system.

What sets this apart from similar movies is the global horror. This isn't just one set of kids being terrorised, nor one town, or one city. These things are everywhere. The whole human race is under attack.

The effects are outstanding. The acting's about as good as can be expected.

Okay, so there's the good.

Here's the bad:

The story seems to move in fits and starts. It's almost like somebody made a great 3-hour movie and then let a monkey edit it down to an hour and a half. And there's Dexter (Ian Somerhalder) who just appears in the middle of the movie. The only background we get on him is that he bought Josh's computer. But why he then joins the group is glossed over.

The movie shows a bleak vision of humanity faced with an enemy we can't fight, forced to run and hide.

Fill up on the red tape.

This movie is unpopular with a lot of people because it requires some thought. You have to understand where the creatures are coming from, what they want, what they do to you, why they can't be fought, and just what this means for humanity.

Be prepared for something like Resident Evil or Silent Hill, but with a few more book smarts.

Doombreed rating: * * * *

Spoiler (highlight to read):

The creatures are using the signal from the Wi-Fi system to move about. So, at the end, when the narrator explains that the cities belong to the creatures, and the humans are left in the "dead zones" between them, one can't help but wonder whether any of the military dudes we see have ever heard of an EMP weapon, which would completely neutralise the system for long enough to manually destroy the towers.

Hell, even a relatively small nuke (by modern standards) exploded in the atmosphere would produce an electronics-frying EMP pulse over much of the continental United States.

Okay, so nuking home is a little bit of a drastic measure, but to prevent the creatures from killing the entire world? Yeah, I'd take whatever crap one bomb would make.

Public Service Announcement

Ah, this is fun.

Microsoft have discovered a wee bug in its lastest operating systems which can allow hackers to take complete and utter control of your computer with almost laughable ease. Nice.

If you're running Windows 2000 or later, amble on over to the MS update page and download at your leisure.

Of course, if you're one of the tinfoil hat brigade, you might be intertested to know that the US Department of Homeland Security advises the installation of these updates ASAP.

Oh dear, I can hear conspiracy theorists' heads popping all over the nation..

David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff - "Jump In My Car"

It's late, so here's today's lame link:

"Jump In My Car" is what appears to be a sometimes unintentionally funny video by the original slo-mo runner himself, David Hasselhoff.

It also features KITT.

We like KITT, here at Legal Alien.

Yes, we like The Hoff, too, but if you tell anyone we said so, we may have to kill you.

The Hoff has a pretty successful singing career in, of all places, Germany. Anyone who, after watching this video, still does not know why his career never took off in America or England needs to report to their nearest re-education facility for an immediate session with a cricket bat.

Hat tip to Justin.

Friday Rodent Blogging

"No pictures! No pictures!"

Selene decides to veto this week's FRB.

24 held in terror plot

I guess I can't blog today without mentioning the situation in England.

I heard the news from a coworker this morning, and then checked the Beeb to get the details, because the US television news is collectively soiling itself. The coverage of these events is near-hysterical and often contradictory. I caught a report on FOX which claimed that the terrorists had been apprehended sitting on the 'planes with the bombs in their luggage!

I even caught the tail end of a report about how people at some airport (whose name I did not catch) were being searched at security but not before getting on the 'plane. This, claimed the anchor, meant that people could - gasp - buy things on the concourse and take them on the 'plane! It makes a mockery of security!

(Unless one is resonably sure that the shops in the airport aren't selling explosives. I dunno. Maybe American airports have more than the usual duty-frees.)

The US color-coded terror alert chart thingy is up to red for the first time ever.

I trust my countrymen (and women) are taking the developments with our customary calm and unruffledness (is that a word? It is now) and aren't spending the night jumping at shadows.

P.s. is anyone else seeing the strange side here?

Pre-9/11 Al Qaeda were known more for their own-goals than anything else. They used all the down and dirty bomb tricks. Trucks with fertiliser bombs, grenades on alarm clocks, stolen explosives, mining or industrial explosives. They were strictly IED.

Now they're coordinating massive plots involving dozens of individuals and hard-to-detect liquid explosives?

This is some James Bond shit, here. A far cry from one idiot trying to set fire to his shoes.

There are atheists in foxholes

A recent edition of the comic strip Doonesbury repeated a popular saying amongst Christians, nameley that "there are no atheists in foxholes".

The saying is supposed to mean that atheist turn to God when it really matters. I guess it's taken as confirmation of the oft-stated position that atheists know that God is real, but refuse to acknowledge him.

Now, personally, if I knew that God were real, and that my lack of belief were damning me to an eternity of hellfire, I wouldn't be an atheist.

But I know God is not real, so I am.

This position is echoed by the spurious tales of atheist's deathbead conversions. As an example, Christian apologists to this day tell the tale of how noted scientist, popular television personality, and gentle atheist Carl Sagan turned to God in his final hours.

Which would be a harsh indictment of atheism if it were true. Anyone who believes it should read Billions & Billions, the book Sagan was writing when he died. The final chapter was written by Sagan's widow, and is an emotional account of her husband's final days. She even mentions the death-bed conversion fantasies that she's heard since his death.

But the fact that these stories aren't true - and the "atheists in foxholes" is disproved by the military group called, believe it or not, "Atheists In Foxholes", and there is even a nice monument to Godless soldiers - hides a deeper problem.

If the "atheists in foxholes line" were true, then it says way more about Christians than it does about atheists.

A battlefield is the most stressful, horrific place possible. Placing a person in such a position, where their death is both horrific and, quite probably, horrifically imminent, leads to almost unimaginable stress. There's a reason PTSD is common amongst veterans.

So, what the saying means is that, an atheist, placed in the most stressful position imaginable, under mind-numbing stress and bowel-loosening terror, becomes that which a Christian is in the comfort of their own armchair.

An atheist, robbed of his mental faculties, becomes a theist.

Yeah, that's not something I'd be smug about, were I a christian.

Bender Costume Details

You, too, can look like everyone's favourite obnoxious robot!

Bender Costume Details

Or not.

Troops in Iraq 'under-equipped'

From the Beeb comes the not-so-staggering news that British troops in Iraq are 'under-equipped':

British troops fighting in Iraq are under-equipped and overstretched, a group of MPs has warned.

The all-party defence committee said the soldiers needed more helicopters and better-protected patrol vehicles to shield them from roadside bombs.

Committe members visited Iraq in June and said they were disturbed by the deficiencies they had seen.

Yes, this is worrying. Our boys are out fighting a war, and they're getting stiffed on the bill.

But this is not new. British forces are always underequipped and overstretched. The bean counters always expect the troops to do a full day's work on a half day's pay. It's been like that for centuries.

And yet, the troops always do what the British army does best, they make do and come out on top, which is why the bean counters get away with it.

The MPs were particularly concerned with the use of Snatch Land Rovers, which have been deemed 'ineffective' against the more sophisticated roadside bombs.

Mr Browne ordered an urgent review of them after a number of soldiers were killed.

Colonel Bob Stewart, who was a British commander with the UN forces during the civil war in Bosnia, agreed with the committee about the Land Rovers.

'It's been appalling that so many of our soldiers have suffered as a result of roadside bombs and these Snatch Land Rovers,' he said.

'The Land Rovers were not designed for the job they're doing now.'

Of course they weren't. The Land Rover was designed as a light transport. Resisting explosions requires either loading it up with so much armour that it can't move or, for preference, using a vehicle designed for the bloody job. Like, oh, I don't know, those frikkin' AFVs that the army is supposed to have.

But no, Land Rovers are cheaper to buy and run, so Land Rovers we'll use.

Liberal Democrat defence spokesman Nick Harvey said equipment and capability shortages in Iraq could 'prove fatal and must be urgently addressed'.

But will they?

How many more families will have to lose their sons and brothers because the MoD wants to save a few quid?

Advice for a NonRaptured World

Advice for a NonRaptured World is a website that's causing me some frowning.

It's dedicated to giving advice on how the rest of us can survive when Jesus returns and raptures all the good Christians to heaven with him.

It includes advice on inheriting from someone who has been raptured (although, inhereting from someone who is not dead might pose some problems, no?) and tips on which stocks and shares will increase in value in a world run by the AntiChrist.

What's causing the frowning is the question:

Is this for real or is this a parody?

In the light of certain equally whacky sites - like the godhates series and The Rapture Index - it seems possible.

But really??

Wierd News

Long-standing, science-hating, evidence-denying, fundy nutbar Pat Robertson reverses his position on Global Warming.

Okay, so it's not exactly news news, having happened late last week, but still..

What is going on?

Remember, remember..

Here are some awesome V for Vendetta goodies.

And some Snakes On A Plane stuff.

Not to mention some great The Da Vinci Code stuff. I especially like the Illuminati ambigram shirt.

Yes, today is my day to introduce you to shit you don't need, shouldn't buy, but want to anyway.

Here is a better version, IMO, of the ambigram.

Oh Dear...

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 64%

Your job is a total bummer, and probably the worst job you've ever had. Your co-workers stink. Your boss is a jerk. And your company is probably in trouble. Think about finding a new job quickly, even if it's just a not-so-great transition job. You've got to get out of there as quickly as you can!

Should You Quit Your Job?

A little taste of home

Mmmmmmmmm... real beer...

Friday Rodent Blogging

Selene is practicing for the first season of Gerbil Idol.

V for Vendetta

Mmmm.. Mrs Doombreed just bought me a copy of V for Vendetta on DVD.

Special, two disc version, no less. I'll lose myself for a few hours watching that, no doubt.

Evolution’s foes lose ground in Kansas

MSNBC reports on the good news that actual science is pulling ahead of superstition in one of the key battlegrounds for the future of American education.

The Kansas state Board Of Education, which approved changes to the state's teaching standards that basically redefined science to allow for the teaching of the so-called Intelligent Design Theory, changed slightly, becoming more middle-of-the-road, and several members who openly fought the teaching of evolutionary theory in schools lost seats.

Pat at Red State Rabble, however, offers a reminder that this is an ongoing fight.

Still, it's encouraging.

I know it's not my fight - I don't even live in Kansas - but it's nice to see that people still put reality above politics.

Snakes On A Plane

Snakes On A Plane is due for release on 18th of this month.

If you've been living under a rock for the past year, you may not have heard of the incredible hype surrounding what has become a cult classic before anyone has even seen it.

Terry Pratchett has a joke that crops up in his books from time to time, where one character will say "hey, things could be worse", to which another character will reply "how?", and the original retorts with "well, there could be snakes in here with us".

They made a movie out of that joke.

For those who haven't ventured out from under their rocks for a while, the plot is simple. There's this plane. And there are snakes on it.

The hows, whys and wherefores are irrelevant. There's this plane. And there are snakes on it.

Notice how the concept - that there are snakes on a plane - is so ultimately awe-inspiring that the poster doesn't even name the film's star - Samuel L. Jackson - because who needs stars? There's this plane. And there are snakes on it.

We can close Hollywood now. All the movies have been done. After this there are no more movies to make. No movie can possibly match this for sheer whatthefuckery.

I am going to see this movie. I am going to buy this movie when it comes out on DVD.

There's this plane...