Ted Haggard "Completely Heterosexual"

The Rev Ted Haggard, he who resigned in disgrace as President of the National Association of Evangelicals and was forced out of his New Life Church last year after it emerged that he'd been sleeping with a male prostitute on-and-off for three years, has emerged after three - count 'em, three - weeks of therapy, a totally changed man, and totally heterosexual.

See, apparently, playing hide the salami with other men does not make one gay, and oral sex only makes one gay when it's the plural - cocks - that you're gobbling. If you ever got your freak on with only one man, it's called "acting-out situations where things took place" and not "a constant thing".

Praise Jesus.

I wonder what other things you can get away with if you're merely "acting-out situations"? I wonder what the various churches would say about the claim that banging a woman other than your wife does not make one an adulterer - merely that "things took place" - as long that as it's just that one woman?

I already know what Mrs Doombreed's position on that excuse would be, and it's not one that could be summed up with any phrase that might include the words "okay", "agree" or "fine".

Is it okay to not keep the sabbath holy, provided that your unholiness always takes place in the same strip club?

Can you disrespect your father or your mother, as long as it's always the same one and never both?

Can you covet your neighbour's oxen, his ass, his maidservant, his manservant, or even his wife, as long as it's always the same guy's stuff you're coveting? Or does it only work if you only covet one of his things, say, his wife, or his ass (or his wife's ass)?

And this guy, Haggard, and these guys who "cured" him, allegedly believe in a book that says, amongst so much else on the subject:

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Lev.18:22)

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. (Lev.20:13)

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. Rom.1:26-27

I don't see anything about "more than with one guy" in there..

Still, what's a little hypocrisy between a man and his God?