One of the more amusing ways I've been wasting my time is watching commercials on the telly. I've especially been keeping an eye out for those that allegedly push one message whilst actually promoting (to the inquiring, slightly skewed mind) a completely different one.

For example:

Take the new commercial for the Hummer H3. It shows a family of bears (Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and, if you can't finish that off, you're too dumb to be walking around unsupervised) coming home to find that their house has been "visited". Cups are out, chairs have been sat in, beds slept in. Simultaneously, the Bears are overcome with a shocking realisation! The cars! They rush outside.. Papa Bear's HumVee is there.. Mama Bear's H2 is there.. but Baby Bear's H3 is gone! Cut to the H3 being driven down the road by a blonde - Goldilocks - and the catchphrase "this one's just right".


Or, as I say whenever it comes on, "H3: the car for car thieves". How about "H3, with security features that are so pants, even a blonde could steal it".

Then, there's Miller Lite. I drink neither Miller Lite nor Bud Lite, as both are, in my opinion, making love in a canoe*. But Miller Lite's commercials are grating.

No, that's not strong enough. Miller Lite adverts annoy the hell out of me.

Not only do we have the oft-cited selling point that it has "more taste" than Bud Lite (and cow shit has more taste than strawberry milkshakes. I know which one I'll take, thank you), but now we have this new set of two or three commercials. They depict people watching an American Football game. Halftime rolls around - cue a mad dash to the shops to stock up on more Miller Lite! The "Beer Run"! The race! The spectacle! Not to mention the hilarious (for the lobotomised) scene where one (or more) people arrive too late to grab the last case of Miller Lite, pause, glance at the next fridge stocked to full with Bud Lite, then turn and run out the door to - presumably - find another store to get their "more-tasting" beer from!

Hur hur hur.

Miller Lite: The beer for those too stupid to buy enough beer to last the whole game. Shit, it's not like you didn't know in advance how long the game was likely to last, moron.

*Americans may not be conversant with this old British joke, so I'll explain. Making love in a canoe is fucking, close to water.

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