House of Shite

We borrowed the DVD of House Of Wax from a colleague yesterday. Today, we watched it. To quote Rimmer from Red Dwarf 5: I consider it an insult to my backside to have to sit growing carbuncles through such putrid adolescent slush.

It was a bad movie. And, as an aficionado of horror movies, I don't mean it was bad in a good way, such as Braindead, I just mean it was bad.

The plot had so many holes that oftentimes it was hard to see if it was even there, the characters were crap and unlikable, the tragic tormented bad guy act was woefully underdeveloped, and any movie that resorts to having Paris Hilton as a stand-in for eye candy is doomed to failure.

The other girl - I have bothered to remember neither the actress' nor character's name - was far more attractive, actually having those attributes men look for in a women. Y'know, breasts, butt, hips, curves, femininity, body that doesn't resemble a skeleton on a starvation diet. But Paris is in the movie, and thus she was that which we were supposed to be oogling. And, yes, Ms Hilton's explosion into the movie scene, which was supposed to convince the world she was a serious actress, was wooden, boring and involved a strip show. Only as far as her underwear. Wouldn't want anyone seeing her naked or anything, now would we?

And then she dies. Which is the only high point of the movie.

If some crazed maniac holds a gun to your head and says he'll execute you if you don't watch this movie, think long and hard before you answer. It's just not worth it.

Doombreed Rating: pbbbbthbt

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