The year is coming to an end, and we're watching the results of what might be the strangest decision of 2006, that FOX's New Year's Eve Live celebration programme live from New York's Times Square is being presented by hellishly annoying cheeky chirpy chippie Cat Deeley.
Still, that's par for the course as the end of this wacky year. This year has mostly been one long series of ups and downs.
2006 saw the release of the Nintendo Wii, which may be the strangest named console in the history of gaming. The Steelers won a fifth Superbowl, and Italy added their fourth FIFA World Cup. The Republicans lost control of the Federal government, not to mention much at State and local level. Iraq went from bad to worse, with the Bush administration having to mangle the language with ever increasing ingenuity in order to avoid describing the civil war as a civil war. We had tensions going up, civility going down. A large inhabited island disappeared under the sea faster than a melting ice cap, but global warming is still a liberal fantasy. The War On Christmas advanced not a jot because nobody is actually waging a war on Christmas. The War On Good Science And Education swept along with alacrity, though. Pope Benedict the whatever managed to piss off all of the moslems at once with a single speech.
We saw the Godfather Of Soul take his final bow, and the next day, President Gerald Ford passed away. Closer to home, we mourned the loss of our beloved Imo this year. Saddam Hussein was executed. Alan "Fluff" Freeman, Desert Orchid and Steve Irwin will be entertaining us no more.
This year was good and bad, up and down, so, without any further ado, here are the Legal Alien Awards (2006):
2006's Most Annoying Sports Moment
England. Germany 2006. Fuck.
This was tied with the Bengals losing to the Steelers just today on a botched field-goal attempt, ending the season with a loss and destroying any play-off hopes.
2006's Dumbest Decision By A Sports Team
The Dallas Cowboys this year hired two players. Mike Vanderjagt and Terrell "T.O." Owens.
Mike Vanderjagt is a kicker. He kicks the ball. That's his job. So good is he that he leads the NFL, and not just this season, that's all-time. That means that, in the history of the NFL, nobody has ever been better at kicking the ball than Mike Vanderjagt.
T.O., on the other hand, is a receiver. He catches the ball. That's his job. So bad is he that he leads the NFL in dropping passes. That means that, this season, nobody has been worse at catching the ball than T.O.
So, the Dallas Cowboys fire Vanderjagt and keep Owens.
The World's Dumbest Political Statement
US President George W. Bush, declaring that the opinions of 300 million US citizens - all of which are his bosses - are irrelevant by saying "I'll stay in Iraq even if the only support I have left is from my wife and my dog."
The Politician Most In Need Of A Good Cock-Punching
Tony Blair - or "that grinning twat" as he's affectionately known by the British public - announced he's going, and that couldn't be better news. I really hate that man.
The 2006 Movie That Should Not Have Been Made
The Wicker Man. Soo bad.
The Most Awesome Movie In 2006
A tie between V for Vendetta and Snakes On A Plane.
The Most Awesome Line From Any Movie In 2006
"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
2006's Most Utterly Hilarious Lame Link
The Evolution Of Dance.
Formerly Great TV Show Of Which I Did Not Watch A Single 2006 Episode
Outstanding TV Show Which Just Got Better In 2006
Annoying Television Trend Of 2006
The unbelievably annoying new game show habit of waiting unnecessarily long periods of time between the contestant providing an answer and finding out of that answer is correct. I realise these pauses are supposed to be tension-building, but they make me want to throw a chair through my telly. Stop it. Stop it right now.
Person Whom I Saw Way Too Much Of In 2006 And Would Appreciate Seeing Absolutely Nothing Of In 2007